Tyler Joseph Imagines

Do I Still Want To Die?

MIGHT BE TRIGGERING. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU WILL BE HURT/OFFENDED IN ANY WAY.

Tyler walked by himself out of the class. It seemed so quiet.
Well, everything seemed quiet to him, darkness is quiet, right?
Maybe it was quiet because it was almost eight o'clock, the clock reaching for the big twelve that always remained at the top, that every number longed to be.
He was swearing under his breath about his tutor, Ms. Flare. She would yell at him when he got one wrong and ranted on how he should be learning faster than this.
Yeah, maybe it bothered him a little.
He kept walking, trying to keep his pace steady. He always seemed uneasy in the school, like there was always something about it that told everyone to get out.
No, it's not like just wanting to get out of the school because kids don't want to learn.
It's something about it that wasn't caused by a humans own emotion.
No, no one was going to crack that mystery. No happy endings right now.

He was thinking, thinking hard.
Should he go home?
His parents don't even love him.
Why go home?

He just decided to walk through the park, with the glistening moon over his head, so he can think about his life, then someone comes and helps him.
No, that's not it goes in reality. Don't believe the things that are right in front of you, just because they seem so close.
Tyler tried to look at himself once he sat down on the playground.
Look at himself.
What did he see?
He saw nothing.
You might think that he might be screaming that his body disappeared by now.
That's not how it goes.
That's how stories with happy endings go.
There is no happy ending this time.
Think, think of life, there is no happy ending. Death is your ending.
Death doesn't make anyone happy but yourself. Since your free, and that's what you wanted, right? That's why you took all those pills, right?
As soon as your gone, you want another chance.
There is no going back.
There is no life.
No heart.
Your done for good.
And guess what, do you still feel like it solved all your problems?
No.
Suppose it did.
Suppose you said that.
Think of yourself.
Imagine yourself taking your life because you thought it would be better.
When your thinking to die, you think it's your second chance at life.
But wait, you'll be dead, there is no second chance.
There's no life.
Your gone.
You'll never have a second chance.
More pain.
More pain for family.
It's just too much.
Do you still want to die?

That's what Tyler always thinks to himself, does he still want to die?
Word after word the people tell him not to, then he looks at his medicine cabinet, and then he thinks if he still wants to die.

Do you still want to die?

Think of a cigarette in your mouth, but you never lit it. Never gave it the power to kill you. Never let the chemicals seep into your veins and intoxiacte them.
Then think of a bottle of pills. Think that there's no pills in that bottle. You never let those pills kill you.
Then think of a full bottle of pills.
You slowly let them down your throat.
You gave them the power to do that.
You swallowed those pills.
Nothing is responsible but you.
But don't take it that way.

Do you still want to die?

Tyler was in deep thought about all of this as his phone rang, loud and clear. It was Josh calling asking if he wanted him to come over.

"hey, would you like me to come over to your house?"

" I guess."

"Alright your at the park?"

"Yeah."

The phone turned off, the little bit of light turning off.

Tyler was thinking again..
as the pills enter your mouth, the little bit of life you still have shuts off. It dims slowly, until its out completely.. no turning it back on...

He told himself to shut up as josh ran up to the playground. He playfully punched Tyler in the shoulder.

Tyler didn't move.
He was fiddling with the little bottle of pills in his pocket.

Josh's smile slowly faded as he stared at Tyler's face, staring blankly at his hand in his pocket.

As quick as light, josh grabbed the pills out of his pocket.

"Hey!" Tyler shouted, trying to grab it back.

"Tyler, what is this? You said you disposed of this thing!" Josh yelled.

"Shut up and give it back josh." In a serious tone this time.

"No, I'm not letting you die."

"I'm not going to! Give it back!"

"No, Tyler, give up already, if you really want to die that bad, JUST DIE. Let's say I don't even care about you. Go ahead."

No response.

"Goddamnit! Tyler I won't let you die!" Josh yelled once again.

Tyler slapped the bottle out of his hand and opened it, slowly pouring out the pills into his hands.
As he went to his mouth, josh again, grabbed his arm, stopping him.
Tyler was trying to resist.
He wanted to die.
He wanted to die.
I want to die.
Does he want to die?
Tyler let go of the pills.
They splattered on the ground, seeping into the tanbark.

Tyler ran.
He didn't know how long he ran.
It seemed like the outside world meant nothing to him.
He ran.
He ended up in the middle of the forest.

Only if I would've resisted, I would've been gone by now.
Tyler thought.

What about they other thoughts? Do I want to die still? Ugh.
It was so confusing.

And if he would've died he wouldn't have thought about it.
He wouldn't have been able to fix it.

Do I still want to die?