Our Wicked Ways •In editing•

Finally Confessing

(AUTHOR NOTE: Omg hey guys! I'm so sorry about not posting recently, a lot has happened some good and some bad but I won't bore you. Also, I've just not had the motivation to write and I think it's got something to do with the story. So once the book is updated to the walking dead be aware of editing and a few minor changes being made, maybe an extra chapter here and there.)

Sitting in that room with my head in my hands him scowling at me from across the room, was worse than any nightmare I've had. Regret washed over me like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down my spine. How I longed to go back and realise what they were doing to me, but now that was impossible. There was no way back from this, and I was too closed to admit I was wrong or to say why I am the way I am.  

He asked me over and over again with tears in his eyes 'why?' and I couldn't surface a single response. I just looked at him, with no remorse. Inside I was screaming, crying, shouting that I was sorry. That is when I knew I had truly done it, I had lost everybody. And who am I without the people I love?

Eventually, Paul left without a word or a glance. It hurt to watch him walk away, but there was a possibility that maybe that was selfish of me to think he would stay. All I've given him is childish drama, and he is an adult. My mind seems to forget this sometimes. For his sake, I hope he and everyone forgets about me. In fact, I'll make it easy on them.

After a long hard think with myself in that empty room, I stand up showing my face to the world and facing my demons. My mind was set on finding my little brother, as I walked up to Barrington house. 

I opened the doors to the cafe room, and there in the back sat the floppy haired boy. He was sitting alone at a table picking at a fruit bowl with his fingers, I smiled briefly before walking over to the table and sitting on the opposite side. His eyes looked at mine fleetingly before looking back down at his food.

"Hey" I spoke more confidently than I felt on the inside.

He looked up at me once more with an irritated look in his eye. "Hey?" He questions, his voice sounded angry and I didn't blame him I was angry at myself too, hell I was angry at everything. "Storming off back at the saviours without another word, then almost beating Amber to death. And you're saying hey?"

I wanted to tell him 'I know' and apologise, but what good would that do? I wanted something short and sweet a final memory, and something that wouldn't give my plan away. 

"Do you remember coming to my leavers day from Middle school, going up to high school? We sang that song and you couldn't stop singing it for at least a week." I force a laugh, playing with my fingers and looking over to him.

"Yeah, exitlude by the killers-" He gave me a sullen confused look and shook his head. "Look, I don't really want to speak right now... I've got to go get ready for the run." And with that he stands from the table and walking out the doors, leaving me at an empty table in a room full of chatter. 

Even though I knew I was truly in the wrong and had hurt everyone, Carl not wanting to speak to me truly punctured another place in my emotions. We had been through so much together and I loved him more than anything in this dystopia of a world. Dad has already made improvements but I'm hoping he really steps up once I'm gone.

"Carl, we ready to go!?" I hear my dad shout from outside. 

I stand to my feet wanting to see them off and to see them one last time. I walk through the cafe room and into the main hall, and that's when I heard the scream.

"Help!" a teenage boy's voice was heard, from up the stairs.

I froze for just one second a million scenarios running wild in my head, but there was no time. If something had happened I needed to get to him now. I basically leapt up the stairs dodging one step at a time, almost stumbling when my foot missed one.