sketchbook // kim jongdae

o n e

jongdae's p.o.v

It was a rainy day. It kinda fit my temper. I feel like my life is just a trash, it's all dark without her. The sun doesn't seem so warm, the stars don't seem to shine as brightly as they did before - when we used to sneak out at 1am just because too look at the night sky. It's all foggy, I feel lost... It's ok if I feel bad, it's ok if I feel lost, everything is ok if she's fine, if she 's happy. Only thing that matters is her. The same route everyday makes me more tired than I already am. I wish there would be even a little something to make my life better.

I woke up once again, again and again. It's all the same - so tiring. I got up and made myself breakfast and since I had no plans, I went to living room, plopped onto the couch and turned on the tv. Few minutes after my phone buzzed and I looked over just too see my friend Xiumin's message.

"Hey, you seem a bit off lately, is everything okay?"

"Not really okay, but it has always been like this. So dont worry."

"Oh, I see. Well I need some supplies and since you have no plans I want you to come with me to the art shop. And you will get a little distracted too"

"Xiumin how the fuck you know that I have no plans? Are you stalking me or something? And you know I hate arts"

"Um it's like sunday, you know. I don't care, just come down in five"

"Ugh okay"

Great, now I'm forced to go out again with Xiumin. I put on my basic, gray clothes and waited for him. Soon he texted me and I went outside.

"Hey hey hey hey" Xiumin smiled as I went out of the door.

"Hi. You should be thankful that I'm coming with you in that stupid art shop thing"

"Come on, I felt inspired and want to draw something"

"You're impossible" I giggled and we stared walking. He just continued teasing for the whole walk. Everything about the word "Art" reminded me of Marie. She used to draw me, and I just love the way she was embraced with the brush and paint, I love the way she giggled when I was teasing her, I just miss her so much. As I came out from my daydreaming, I realized that i was in the art shop.

"I know that you hate here but please, for me?!" Xiumin asked me with the puppy eyes.

"Okay fine fine." I murmured annoyngly as i noticed familiar face standing in front of me.

WAIT.

NO.

I've gone crazy.

"Xiumin! Please tell me that I'm mentally stable!"

"What?!"

"Can you see her?!"

"Who?! What on earth are you talking about?!"

"Marie."

"Oh, you are mentally stable."

The only thing I want to do is to hug her so tightly and never let go. I want to pepper kisses all over her face. I want to tell her how much I love her, but instead of that I'm running away, running away from my feelings.

I rushed to the house tears streaming down my cheeks, it hurts.

It hurts a lot.

I took the razor and started to cut my wrist...

I know that Marie would freak out if she'd see me in this form.

Oh... Too deep. Nevermind.

I deserve this.

Another deep one.

I really havent seen this much blood in my whole life, I can feel my eyes shutting.

The last thing I heard was Xiumin screaming my name.

A/N

hey~ so this is the first chapter and u cant really understand the plot but there'll be flashbacks soon. pls give support to three soft potatoes.