Identity

Chapter 1

"Mom!  Corinne is here to pick me up.  See you tomorrow!"  I shouted up the stairs as I ran out the door. 

Corinne is my best friend, you see.  She's utterly gorgeous- much more so than me.  Her hair is the color of gold, and it always has gentle waves, but no curls.  Her eyes are as blue as the sky, a very pale blue, but they have flecks of dark blue in them, causing an entrancing combination.  Her eyes remind me of a crystal clear river that never gets polluted.  For whatever reason, she turned down all of the popular girls' and guys' offers for friendship, and for that I was eternally grateful.  She was really the only true friend I had.      

Corinne and I had had midterms the weeks before this, so a fun day with my friend was just what I needed to cheer me up, or so I thought.     

"So I was thinking we could go out to lunch and then walk to the bowling alley.  My mom will drop us off at Cravings and then pick us up when we're done bowling.  Sound good?" 

 "Sounds great!  You know that I love Cravings."  I said happily. 

We both love bowling, and the thought of a whole day with Corinne made me grin.

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Bowling had been fun earlier.  We tried bowling without the bumpers, but...  Well, let's just say that it didn't work very well.  By the end of our first game, Corinne and I had both missed about  half of our throws to the gutters.  The second game was even more fun, because we didn't take it seriously at all.  Both of us laughed so hard that people stared, and by the end of the game, our stomachs killed from laughing so hard.  You can probably tell what kind of people Corinne and I are, but if you can't, don't worry.  'Cause those who think they know are probably wrong.

That night, Corinne and I talked until almost four in the morning.  We laughed at her dog when she tried to cuddle with us (seeing as it's a German Shepherd, that didn't work too well for any of us), and gossiped about school, and played our favorite music- Indi-Rock-, and talked about our crushes.  We did everything that you would expect girls to do on a sleepover.  As we cocooned down in our warm sleeping bags to sleep, we had one more final conversation.

I asked, "If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?"

She replied immediately, seemingly without thinking.  "I'd like to be less shy; less self conscious.  I- I'm always afraid of what people think, and if they're judging me.  I'm afraid to be myself.  I can't help it, but if I could change it, I would."

I wondered if Corinne could be more complex than I'd ever realised.  But before I could dwell on it, she asked me the same question I had just pestered her with.

I thought for a moment.  The moment turned quickly into a minute.  What would I change?  Maybe I'd do the same thing as Corinne?  No, I was fairly outgoing.  I could make myself look fantastic.  Nope, too vain for me, seeing as I didn't care that much about my looks.  I could maybe make myself more athletic...  Nah, the only sports I cared about were soccer and horseback. 

Corinne snapped me out of my reverie by asking, "Oy, Isabelle.  Did you fall asleep or something?"

I answered her slowly, my lips moving slowly to form the exact words that I wanted.  "No.  In fact, I'm more awake than ever.  And the answer to your question? I don't know.  I think that the answer just might be, 'to know what I like and don't like about myself.'" 

Corinne didn't reply, but I felt her presence and knew that she was thinking about what I had just said.  I wondered what I'd done.

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"The next day when I returned home, the first thing I encountered was my little brother, Stephen, throwing himself at me.

"Isa!  You're back!" 

I couldn't keep the smile off of my face.  Stephen's six, and he absolutely adores me.  He's my only sibling and I love him to pieces.  My mom and dad are great people.  They are caring and understanding, and give me all the freedom that I could want.  Most importantly, my parents give me privacy, for I am kind of a private girl.  It's true to say I keep things from them, but that is solely because I don't like to tell my parents things.  When I have a bad day, I run to Stephen and confide in him.  He doesn't understand, but he listens, and he never fails to make me go from an unhappy, deflated beige balloon to a fully blown up aqua blue balloon.  I don't know how I'd function without Stephen. To sum it all up, I have the perfect family, and I can't thank God enough for that.

"Yes, I'm back silly, but I'm going out on a walk.  See you a little later!"

This might confuse you a bit, seeing as I am now contradicting myself, but I wanted time to myself.  I needed to think, question, and ponder.  Last night had put me on edge.  I had barely slept all night, for I was thinking about what I had discovered.  I had unearthed a bit about myself, but it wasn't what I had wished to find out.  I'd simply ascertained that I knew zilch about my own personality.  MY walk, failing to answer all of the questions in my head, soon ended.  I finished the day as if in a dream.

"Now you have to play with Stephen, Isabelle.  Now you have to wash your hands. Eat your food, Isabelle.  Get ready for bed.  Brush your teeth. Say goodnight to Mom and Dad, Isabelle."

Quite frankly, all I had wanted to do was to sleep and forget about the last night's discovery.  For how could I go on knowing everyone but my own self?

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A/N:  Okay, comments dearly appreciated.  like I said,  comments are much more important to me than votes, and if you comment tell the truth, cause I really want to get good and I can't do it without your help.  If you read all this THANK YOU!