Star Missions - Book One - Part III

Chapter 23 - Enclosed Medical Transport

Victor became aware again of pressure against his back. This mattress was softer than the last one he'd lain on, though still not particularly comfortable. As his senses returned him to reality, he felt a pillow beneath his head and a thin sheet covering his body as well.

Though he became fully conscious, he resisted the urge to open his undamaged eye. He didn't want to wake in the world of pain, guilt, and grief that he knew was waiting for him. Victor didn't want to lose the delusion that he could avoid them by staying asleep, even if it was only for a few more minutes. Even so, he couldn't prevent the emotions and sensations of the real world from rushing in like an unstoppable wave.

"It was the turbulence."

The female voice startled him and his eye snapped open. He wasn't lying on a hospital bed but in an enclosed medical transport capsule. The mobile beds, or EMTs, were designed to make it easier to move patients over long distances. The patient was stabilized and received medications and oxygen automatically if their condition changed. An EMT contained all of the IVs, monitors, and other medical paraphernalia a hospital room has but in a portable package more resistant to turbulence. Though, as Belter had just learned, they didn't shield the patient from the jolts and jostles of space travel.

When he looked up through the transparent screen of his EMT, he saw a pair of kind brown eyes looking down at him and remembered Sue, the Nova-corps member the doctor said would be escorting him to the station. Her long, dark hair hung to one side of her face. She was looking at him with a mix of admiration and pity that made Belter avert his eye. He didn't deserve any admiration, and he didn't want the pity.

"We just left Hydra's atmosphere. Sorry it woke you," Sue was saying. "How are you feeling?" She pressed a button he couldn't see, and the screen retracted so that he could answer.

"I've had better days," was all Belter said. He wasn't in the mood for conversation, and his throat was still parched, making speech uncomfortable.

Sue was starting to leave, and Belter thought she was going to leave him alone, but she hesitated at the last moment and came back into view. "I wanted to tell you something," she started, then immediately looked like she regretted speaking.

Belter didn't meet her eyes and pretended he hadn't heard her if she wanted to change her mind about whatever it was she wanted to say. Maybe she would give him something to put him back under before she left.

Just when he thought she wasn't going to say more, Sue leaned down toward him. "You've been one of my heroes since I was a child," she blurted in a hushed voice.

It wasn't anything Belter hadn't heard before. The whole new generation of Nova-corps volunteers and Space Dogs practically grew up admiring him. When he and Jeremiah discovered Angel's gate, Sue probably wasn't born yet. She meant well, but he'd never been comfortable with the praise, and the events of the last few days made it even worse. If he ever was a hero, he certainly wasn't one anymore.

"I am sorry about all that's happened these past few days," Sue said, almost as though she could read his thoughts.

Belter decided not to say anything. She was a kind girl, but he felt pitiful and didn't like how that felt. He was unable to flee the conversation, so he just kept silent.

She felt she had to try to encourage him. "Pretty much everyone I know, on Hydra and Nova Station, don't blame you. I don't think there was any choice..." her voice trailed off, again as though she was having second thoughts about speaking her mind.

At that moment, Belter remembered her. She was the controller in the tower that defended him. She stood up to Colonel Hand and questioned his severe treatment of him. Most of that meeting with General Strickland was a blur, but he did remember that.

Seeing her looking shy, almost embarrassed to be talking to him even though he was the one lying on his back covered only by a sheet, broke through his defenses. He wanted to change the subject anyway and didn't want to hear how great he was. He never saw himself that way anyway. He thought about the dream he just had. He didn't want to forget it and figured that if he shared it with her, it would help him remember it longer.

"I was dreaming about my family. I miss them so much." He stopped there, surprising himself he was telling Sue this. But then he looked up and saw the compassion in her eyes, something he'd seen so little of since the bomb dropped. "If they are not found or dead..." he paused to swallow the lump of emotion in his throat. "I don't think I'll be able to go on." He felt that wave of emotion rush over him again. He held back tears.

"Please, don't say that," Sue said, and she sounded so sincere that Belter wanted to listen this time. "They're still searching for them."

Belter closed his eyes against the pain her words stirred. They offered a hope that he was almost certain was false and he couldn't let himself give in to it, no matter how much he wanted it to be true.

"Whatever happened," Sue went on, "It wasn't your fault."

Belter looked away from her, unwilling to accept that.

"You saved way more people than were lost. Someone had to make the hard decision." Sue paused for a moment, and then said softly, "I think you saved Hydra."

At what price? Belter thought to himself. Was the death of his family worth it to save a planet? How could anything justify the cost of losing his family? Even the most efficient utilitarian couldn't possibly think that balanced things out.

"It's so beautiful there," Sue was saying, oblivious to his inner turmoil. "Do you think we will ever get to explore the whole planet?"

Belter heard the question but was too deep in his thoughts to respond.

"Mr. Belter?"

He shook his head and made eye contact again, forcing himself to leave his moral musings behind. "Well, in those early days, we did get to see quite a lot of it. I wrote about it all in my book." The distraction of conversation was enough to at least let the pain fade into the background, so he kept going. "I've got a physical copy of it in my office on Nova Station." He paused when he realized that he no longer had an office. "Well, my old office. You can have it."

Sue's face lit up. "I would love to borrow it."

"The Hydrans are very private and proud people." Now that he had started talking, he realized that it made him feel better. He wasn't sure if he deserved it. It did help him put his pain in the background of his mind. "You know they live in the sea, under the water. They are not interested in technology and just want to be left alone." A flash of pain in his ribs forced Belter to an upright position. "Ouch," he cried out, in surprise as much as pain. "I think I might have to rest more. The pain is coming back."

Sue stepped closer, her hand extended. "The doctor wanted you to chew on these if you started to feel the pain again." She dropped a few small, round tablets into his hand. "I think I'll get some rest, too. We still have a few more hours before we get to the station." Sue started to leave the room, no doubt going to a sleeping compartment.

Belter tossed the pills into his mouth, hoping that they would allow him to slip back into his dreams. Before Sue left, he said, "Thanks for taking care of me, Sue."

She turned and smiled at him. "My pleasure."

He was going to let her go, but one more thought came into his mind that he felt had to be shared, though he wasn't sure why. "Remember that we owe the Hydrans a great deal. Their generosity has allowed us to save Terra. We have to respect their privacy and honor the terms of the treaty. That must never change."

If Sue had any response to his micro-lecture, Belter never heard it. Without even consciously lying down, he was asleep again.