Fortunate Misfortunes

Chapter One

When I was fourteen I started to experience pains in my stomach and lower back. Sound familiar? They came once a month and lasted for about a week each time. I had never gotten my period before, even when I was getting the pains. We went down to the local GP so we could have an idea of what was happening.

I remember waiting in the waiting room, staring at the clock listening to the hands tick each second away. I was nervous. Being fourteen, most of my friends had their period. When the doctor called my name, he was a male. I was so hesitant to be treated by him for this sort of reason. My mother took charge of speaking, like she could sense my resistance.

The doctor, Dr Rogers, that it was just my body getting used to menstruating. That I would become a woman soon. The best thing was to take Nurofen when I was experiencing the pain. When mum and I walked out, it felt like a huge weight was lifted of our shoulders.

About two months later, they came. We always had a box of Nurofen in the drawer so when the pain came we had an easy fix. For six months, taking the tablets proved no problem. Everyone was against putting me onto the pill because I was still young even though I was almost fifteen. Silently I was thankful though, I didn't want to face the consequences of forgetting to take it one day and it taking a week to right itself out.

When I turned fifteen, the pains started to intensify. This was in may. Instead of having to take the pills once a day, we put the dose up to every five hours.

I loved the feeling from being in pain to the transition of being painfree. When your crouched over in pain, then you take a deep breath in and it's gone. Being relaxed instead of tense. I ended up craving it. No, the correct word is addiction not cravings. It was euphoric.

At that point in my life, I was a fifteen year old girl who was addicted to Nurofen.

I started to be in pain every minute of everyday, needing the hit of painkillers so I could function properly. I'd charge through a packet a week! That's twenty four in seven days.

I went to a different chemist each time to get my supply. I couldn't keep going to the same one every week. They'd think something was up. I found four different places and went one, alternating each week. So I was going to the same every four weeks. It worked like a charm.

Over the months I started to notice little things. I was changing my mood, every minute. Everything was irritating me, one of the girls in my class has an awful laugh. One day in History, she laughed and ket me tell you, it's worse then a hyena's laugh. Unfortunately, I was in an awful mood, so I stood up walked over to her table across the room and punched her smack bang in the jaw, fracturing it in the process. Many people started to hate me and talk about me after that. I started taking them for the mental pain aswell as physical.

About nine months into my obsession, I noticed I had lost a lot if weight. I wasn't eating much and what I was eating I was throwing back up. I couldn't keep it down, but I also couldn't ket my mother find out. Each night, straight after dinner I'd have my shower. I'd turn the water on, then go over to the toilet and throw up my dinner. It gave the illusion that I was having longer showers. But the problem was, my teachers, friends and family saw that I was losing weight.

I always shrugged it off saying I was eating smaller and healthier and going to the gym once a week.

Because I hardly had food in my stomach and if I did it wasn't for a length of time, it started to feel strage to have food. I didn't like the feeling and I hated how it made me fatter than what I already am. I was terrified that the food stay and I'd become like those people on The Biggest Loser. I stopped eating really besides when absolutely needed.

I wasn't going out much with friends so my skin tone started to fade and I became pale. I was a huge fan of sport, I treated Athletics as it was a sacred language. Hurdling was my forte, but I also held all of the sprinting records my age allowed. When I gave it up, mum thought itbwas a teenage thing. Growing up, being hormonal, just a phase.

It was mum's birthday, April 6th, and we were out at dinner at a local restruant. Mum was talking about the the places she wanted to travel but didn't have the money. My father has never paid child support, he walked out on my mother when they found out she was pregnant. He didn't want a kid and I hate him.

She brought up running and wanted to know why I quit. "I don't know. I guess I'm not into it anymore." It was a half honest answer, not a total lie.

"Come on, you don't lose interest in something you're so good at. You've been champion so many times, you have so many awards from it. What really happened?" She pushed. I don't know why she did but she did.

"I just don't want to do it okay?" I slam the palm of my hand onto the table causing everything to shake. "Can we stop talking about it? It's done and I'm not going back. I was never going to get anywhere." I admit. I was good enough to, I could've gotten into the Australian team. If I had a coach, which costs money and that's something that we don't have much of.

My mother looks shocked on the other side of the table. I never lash out like this, I love my mother don't get me wrong. When I'm in a bad mood I sit in my room alone until it passes. "Is that what you think? Honey you were exceptional, you were the best your age. Better than the older kids, you could beat them easily."

"You don't really understand do you?" I ask rhetorically. "I knew I had what it took to compete in Olympics. But I needed a coach, and we don't have money. So yeah, I had to give up my dreams because we can't afford it."

We ate dinner in silence after that.

When we got home I was so mad among other things like guilt, rage, sadness. I regret speaking to her like that and what I said, I wish I could take it back. I wrote a letter saying how sorry I was and that I loved her. I shoved it into my pocket and started to get my homework done.

I couldn't deal with the pain anymore. I was hurting, I was going to explode soon. My brain was pounding against my skull. I had four tablets left. I took all, I didn't want to hurt anymore.

After I swollow the last one, I changed out of my pajamas and crept into bed.

I just want to wake up tomorrow pain free.