Let me In

Cold Feet

Chapter Fifteen

Four and a half years later after successfully graduating from college with a degree in design and Conner with a degree in pre law. Every things fine and not much has really changes in the few years. My mom married her boss, my dad and I are good again and I still have my little pink car.

We actually graduated six months ago. The same night Conner proposed. He still has four years of law school, but it's all coming together. I'm starting my own design label and Is has her own practice. She and Gavin are still together and happy.

So here I am on my wedding day freaking out. "Is, I'm terrified. I don't think I can do this. What if I screw up." So many thoughts running through my mind. Conner still couldn't believe that I'd said yes, but I couldn't believe that he'd asked. That he'd want to marry me. I can't even believe that every time I see him I feel like I just met him. Butterflies, in love.

"You are fine." She looks over my hair and places a white Rose in it. "Your going to be fine. Every bride has cold feet." I shake my head and take deep breathes.

"No, I can't." Were back in Miami for the wedding and were getting ready in the beach house. A beach wedding. Romantic, but I can't seem to enjoy it because I can't stop shaking. I can't stop thinking. I can't stop panicking. "I'm sorry Izzy. I can't." I pick up the bottom of my dress and run out the back door so no one sees. I kick off my heels and dig my toes into the sand.

I thought I was fine, I thought I was over these fears and issues, but I'm not. I can't, what if it all just ends without me even seeing it coming. I love him to much. I designed my own dress and shoes and Is helped me plan the wedding. Just like in my book really. It's beautiful, but I can't walk down that isle. I'm scared. Freaking out. I stare at the waves and think about everything that has happend. Everything that I've been through. Not just me, but Conner to. My family.

"Honey." I turn around and see my dad. Looking confused and concerned. I run to him and he envelopes me into his arms and I try not to cry. I just take deep breathes. "It's ok."

"I know, but you can't be scared right now pumpkin. It's time for you to be strong. Remember how after everything happned with Brian you picked up your life and went on with it. Even when things were crazy you were the strongest of everyone. Especially stronger than me. You can't be scared or you'll never truly be happy."

"I don't know how." I say in a whisper.

"Don't let my mistakes scare you into thinking that you and Conner won't last. I've seen you two together and it's so much stronger than what your mother and I had. It's better and so much more real. Just in case you need a reminder of that I brought you this." He hands me the box, the keep sakes box Conner bought me. I wipe away a stray tear and take it from him. "I'll be inside." He turns and walks away with out another word. I bite my lip and sit in the sand and open the box.

I run my hand over the things inside. The necklace he bought me, the compass, the yes or no rocks he used to propose to me. The wedding book I kept. So many things that I love, but how can this remind me of how real Conner and I are. I smile a sad smile when I see the letter Conner's mother wrote to me before she died. I'd put her breast cancer necklace in the box as well. I had taken to wearing it, but not today.

I open the letter and immediately start to cry.

Dear Samantha

I know that you all are probably upset and sad right now, but please don't be. I'm not gone. I'm here with you right now and I love you. Be as strong as I know you are. I know that I'm not here to tell you to never give up on hope, but I hope that when you read this you'll take that as me telling you as if I'm there telling you how stubborn you are. I know you miss me, but there is no need. I know you miss talking to me, but there''s no need because as long as you have hope, strength and love you have me. Think of the possibilities before you just write things off.