The boy who lived next door

Why don't you stop your crying?

A week later, I had still not seen Pete. I finally talked to Ian, and everything was fixed. He no longer seemed angry with me. One day as I was lying on my couch watching TV, I saw a live of The Who. My heart leapt in my chest when I saw Pete. He looked pale, and he almost looked even thinner. The journalist had announced that they would play I Can't Explain. That was the title of the song Pete wanted me to listen to. While they played it, Pete got sick and smashed his guitar against the floor, exactly how he did when he left the other day. The other members were totally confused and the singer tried to calm him but he found himself pushed violently. He caught the camera's attention and he yelled at the man who was filming. I never thought he could be in such a state.

One afternoon, I received a phone call from Pauline, my friend who stayed in France. We exchanged stories, then I told her about the situation.

“Pauline, I don't know what to do.”
“I feel you. But it was unavoidable and you knew it. You couldn't live this way for ages!”
“I know... But I'm lost.”
“Who do you miss the most?”

I answered without any hesitation.

“Pete. I miss him so terribly.”
“And Ian?”
“Even if everything's alright now, I have that impression that I don't feel anything for him.”
“Listen, honey. You know that you miss Pete the most, but not Ian. I think the choice is already made! Who do you love?”

After a few seconds of hesitation, I began to sob. Some tears fell on the phone.

“Pete. From the start.”
“So you have to do everything to get him back. If you really show him that you truly love him, he will get back to you.”

I thanked her. I wanted to talk a bit more to her, but she had to hang up. I wandered around my living room, trying to find a way to prove him that I loved him and that I regretted. That I regretted all the things I did to him. But mainly that I loved him. I dialled Ian's phone number on my telephone and waited for him to answer; he never did. Guessing that he was at college, I left him a message.

“Ian, it's Michelle. I just wanted to say thank you for those three years, but I think it's over. It's been over for me for ages now, and I haven't been fair. I hope you'll forgive me. Bye.”

I rushed to my desk, took a sheet of paper and then flattened it. I grabbed my pen and I wrote what I felt, as if for the first time, I could translate my feelings into words. I wrote how sorry I was, how much I missed him, how much I loved him. Once I finished writing the letter, I folded it and then I left. I went knocking on Pete's door, number 221. The door slightly opened, but it was not Pete. He was a young man with light brown hair, almost blond, with blue eyes and a square jaw who answered.

“Yes?”
“Are you Roger... Roger Daltrey?”
“I must be.”
“Where's Pete Townshend? Where's Pete?”
“Who are you?”
“My name is Michelle, I live next door.”
“I see. Don't you have the impression of having hurt him enough? You should not insist.”
“I just want to talk to him at least one last time. Then, I'll completely disappeared from his life, and if it's needed, I'm ready to pack all my stuff and move.”

Roger thoughtfully bit his lip.

“He's at King's Cross. Platform 1. Quick, go and find him.”
“Thank you so much, Roger.”

He gave me a joyless smile before stepping back and closing the door. I had to hurry.
There was no more time to lose. I ran like I'd never run before and rushed into the underground station; towards King's Cross. Leaving the "tube", my letter in hand, I jumped in the aisles, inadvertently bumping into passengers on my way. Checking the center of the station, my eyes were looking for Platform 1. When I saw the sign, I headed to the platform. A train was stopped, waiting for the time to go. The way was crowded. I could hardly walk without bumping into someone. Panicked, I hoisted on tiptoes to try to see his hair, jacket, or even his nose. I pressed the letter against my heart. I had to find Pete! A voice broke through the speakers, calling passengers who had just arrived to the station to enter the train because the departure was imminent. The dock emptied almost instantly. Only a few people were standing, waving at their relatives or at their family through the train windows. The train started and went away from the station. All these people went up into the core of the station to go home. I was alone. Pete was not there. I wandered, sobbing, along the quay. Too late. I would never see Pete again.
I stopped and wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve; I did not know why, but I had the feeling that I had to look up. I did, and I could see something. A figure stood at the other end of the quay. The only colors I could see were blue and red on the jacket of the person. Once again pressing the letter in my hand, I began to run without me realizing it. I waved to him, my arm over my head.

“PETE! PETE!”

I kept on racing, feeling stronger than ever. The person turned around. He was there. It was him. I was out of breath. He was still far away. I could not breathe. I had to continue. I had to!

Arriving before him, I caught my breath and looked up at his face dark and silent.

“At last, here you are! Pete, I know I wasn't fair with you, I wasn't fair with Ian either. I'm sorry. I was completely lost. I couldn't think of Ian, not even one second. I could only think about you. Only you. And I fell in love. I didn't even realize I was in love. I haven't felt that in three years! Our kiss – our real kiss –, it was magical. It was as strong as rollercoasters. It was happiness. And I screwed it up. I should have told you about Ian. I've been a bitch. A total bitch. By the way, it's Roger who told me you were there. I promised him that it would be the last time we'd see. I also promised him that after I'd tell you all I had to say, I'd disappear from your life. And if that's what you want, Pete, I'm ready to do it. It won't be easy, but if it can help you going through all this, then, I'll do it. I'll get back home, I'll pack all my stuff and I'll leave. I'm even ready to go back to France, if that's what you want. I wrote you a letter. I explained everything.”

I handed it to him. Without saying a word, he slowly took it and stared at it, without unfolding it.

“Just read it. You'll know everything. EVERYTHING. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going back to my apartment and pack my stuff.”

Since Pete did not move, I sighed and began to shiver.

“Well. I'm going home now. So long, Pete. I'll miss you.”

I turned and started walking. I felt his gaze that never left my back. I suddenly stopped, clenched fists, trembling like a leaf. I turned to face Pete again. Wanting to spit a mountain of words that refused to come out and strangled me from the inside, my tears went back.

“I love you, Pete. I love you! And if there's one thing I did not want, it was to hurt you. I beg you, forgive me. I love you. I had not been able to tell you before, but now I dare. I LOVE YOU.”

I burst into tears again. Burying my face in the palms of my hands, I felt arms around me. Pete hugged me, but I felt he was nervous.

“Why are you crying?”
“Because I screwed it up. Everything. And because I hurt you.”
“Yeah, that's the least you can say. Stop crying.”
“I can't.”
“Do it for me. Why don't you stop your crying?”
“You'll never forgive me.”
“Maybe I will.”

He paused a moment before breaking the silence again.

“What about Ian?”
“I broke up with him today. Staying with someone you don't love anymore is worthless. The only person I want is you.”
“Michelle, I have a last question I have to ask you before deciding whether I'll forgive you or not.”
“What is it?”
“How much do you love me? It's stupid to ask this, but do you love me enough to want to stay with me? To the point that we live together?”
“Oh, Pete! I do, I do, I do! I love you, Pete. I truly love you. I love you at the point that I'm now fearless to say what I feel, and I'd do everything for you.”

He left me free myself from his grip and plunged his lips on mine. He kissed me passionately, pressing me against him, as if he was preventing me from leaving. I ran my hand through his hair and took the letter that I threw on the trackage. I clung to him even more. Nothing could stop me from loving him. We were free. I kissed him again and again, I was ready to kiss him until my lips would be completely worn. My eyelids were welded. The world around us no longer existed.