What They Don't See (PJM)

1.2

If the walk home was a nightmare, the confrontation I was met by later on was the epitome of hell. Instantly we stepped inside the apartment my father pushed me against the plain wall with force and lectured my apparently disgraceful behavior. Oh, the irony.

"When did you start hanging around boys?"

My empty stare was focused on anywhere but his ugly face. His breath was tingling my sweating skin and though I did my best it was impossible not to draw in the awful stench of alcohol and poor hygiene. I tried to shut out his damaging words but it was becoming a difficult challenge to do so.

"But then again, I'm not that surprised." His words pricked my curiosity as my glare wandered up to his face, much against my will.

"You are just like your mother." I felt my lip quiver in a mixture of upcoming anger and anxiety and I knew what that meant.

"A stupid whore who's spreading legs for every male -" I writhed out of his grip before he could continue stabbing me with his degrading persona. Pushing him out of the way with tears blurring my sight I hurried to my room and locked the door as soon as it was closed, not bothering looking back.

Slowly and weakly, my tired body slid down the door as the wet drops were streaming down like a running waterfall. I hugged my bend legs to my chest burying myself into my knees, hoping that the universe consuming me for once would do me a favor and leave me alone.

I was shaking and trembling, considering the worst. Was it now I should give up the fight? The fight that had given me nothing but downturns. Was it now I could finally obtain the peace I've never had? Should I do it? It was easy. Simple. Quick.

A few cuts here and there and it would be over in no time. The words would be gone, the pain would go away and my parents would disappear for good. A dream scenario I could only wish for.

I looked up, the shiny blades catching my eyes immediately as they were lurking in the window sill. They were talking to me, telling me to come closer. Use us.

I heard it loud and clear. They were tempting me, seducing me to grab them and do the deed that was so easy to perform and I almost fell for it. I almost fell for it until pictures of Minhyuk.. and Jimin surfaced.

If I'd done it, sparing my life for the unfairness in this world I would've left my defenseless brother behind.

What would his fate be? Who would take care of him? I could never let myself do such thing when I was perfectly aware of the damage it would cause. I was a coward.

But that didn't mean I couldn't content my agony one way or another.

My arms weren't the only thing scarred that night. My soul received more to its own multiple collection.

~~

How could I face Jimin after what had happened? Sitting in class, nervously tapping the table with my thumb I couldn't stop thinking about the possible consequences of yesterday's happenings. If he didn't see me as an outcast before it was guaranteed he would see me as one now. That was a normal reaction and I didn't blame him. Who would want to be seen with someone like me? A nobody?

Exactly. No one would and I didn't expect him to either not even after his queries of a friendship.

I didn't care if he said he could read me like an open book because I knew it was a lie. That's just something you claim when you want to get closer to a difficult stubborn wretch like me.