showbiz // phan

Sober

Sober // Chapter Nine

"Are you ready?" Pauline asked and Dan nodded. He knew he didn't really have another choice. "Good, let's go then." She and Dodie both smiled.

When they went outside, the first thing Dan noticed was how warm it was. Sure, it was September, but he just kind of forgot that this also meant it would still be kind of warm. Good thing he wore a t-shirt instead of the black jumper he wanted to go with before.

They made their way downtown, walking fast. There were several things that needed to get done before Chris' birthday and it was quite late already considering Dan also wanted to check on his boutique for a bit.

He had decided it was time to get back to his old life. So he packed his things and went back to his own apartment this morning, and tomorrow he would be working again just as always.

"You look better today. How are you?" Pauline asked and Dan smiled at her.

"I feel better I think. I still wanna hide under my blanket but... I'm able to suppress this feeling now, so I guess that's a good thing."

Dodie nodded. "I'm glad you're better now. I really started to worry about you."

"Nah, I'm fine," Dan lied, and they continued walking down the street until they had reached the bakery.

They didn't stay there for long. Dan had preordered the cake three weeks ago, so it just needed to be picked up. It was chocolate-vanilla, Chris' favourite.

"Oh my god, it looks so good. I wanna eat it right now."

Dodie and Dan both laughed. "We can eat it tomorrow."

Pauline pouted jokingly. "Aw, so you're gonna let me crave it until tomorrow evening? That's so mean!"

"Well, what can I say-" Dan started. But he froze when he saw a familiar young man walking on the pavement on the other side of the street.

A familiar young man with black hair, blue eyes and pale skin.

And just when Dan was about to walk away, that specific young man saw him.

And suddenly, Phil started to walk into his direction.

No, no, no.

"Guys, we need to run."

"What?"

"We need to run."

"I'm not gonna run!"

"We have to."

Dodie then looked into the direction Dan was staring at. "Oh shit," she whispered and then turned her head back to Dan.

"Let's run!"

➳

"You sober again?" PJ asked and handed Phil a glass of water.

"More or less."

PJ sighed. "Phil, listen. You need to take better care of yourself. Max started to notice you're behaving differently since you came back."

Phil sighed at the thought of their boss, Max. PJ was right, though. If Phil continued like this, Max would probably want to talk to him soon.

"I just... I can't go on stage when he's in my head."

PJ sighed and sat down next to him. "I know what you mean. But you have to get over him eventually."

Phil shook his head. "I know but... I hurt him. I broke his heart, PJ, and I can't just continue living my life knowing that."

"Man, you really love him, don't you?"

Phil just nodded, trying to hide his face in his hands. "What am I supposed to do now, PJ? I... I don't know anymore."

PJ sighed and wrapped his arms around his friend, trying to think of something to say. "You tried your best, Phil. I guess you just have to wait now."

"I guess you just have to wait now."

Even two hours later, when he was on his way to the audition, PJ's words were stuck in Phil's head. Would waiting really help anything?

Phil had waited all his life, for so many things. Does it do anything?

He walked down the street, almost lost in his thoughts, most of them being about Dan. Phil still didn't understand what had come over him or why he had told Dan something like that, something terrible like that, especially since it wasn't even true. In that moment, he had just been so angry, so fucking angry, and Dan, unfortunately, was the person he had to let it out on.

Dan hadn't deserved that, and Phil knew that.

How the fuck had he been that stupid? It just wouldn't get into his head. Phil usually wasn't someone to get angry fast, and if he did, he wouldn't let other people know unless it was necessary. So what the fuck had happened that night?

But he knew he fucked up. There was no way he could fix that situation, not after what he said.

And especially not if Dan continued avoiding him.

But honestly, Phil couldn't blame him. If he was put into Dan's shoes, he wouldn't want to talk to Phil, or himself, for that matter, either.

He nearly reached the building the audition would take place in. But, just because the universe hated him, obviously something had to happen first.

So when he walked down the street, the big building already in sight, he let his eyes wander over to the other side of the street.

And there he was, the tall young man with curly brown hair and brown eyes.

Phil froze in the middle of the pavement, staring at Dan. He held a box from a bakery in his hands, and his friends, Pauline and Dodie, were walking next to him.

But suddenly, the brunet man laid his eyes on Phil, and just like Phil, he froze.

Phil needed to talk to him. He just had to. So he made some steps into Dan's reaction.

But before Phil was even able to get much closer to Dan, he saw him turn around to Pauline and Dodie, and then Dodie looked at Phil.

And suddenly, they ran. They ran away from Phil.

Phil knew he should run after them. Hell, he wanted to. But his audition would start in just fifteen minutes and... and he knew Dan wouldn't want to listen to his poor excuses anyway.

So instead of running after Dan, Phil turned around. He turned around and made his way over to his audition.

But it was in that moment in which he decided to actually quit his job this time. It was in that moment he decided he would try everything to make Dan proud, even if he hated him.

Phil still was in love with him, after all, and honestly, he would have given everything if that meant Dan could forgive him.