Alpha and Me

100k Chapter - The Birb

THANK YOU GUYS!! Hope you enjoy this I know I'm way late life's been harder since I started high school love you all!
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I looked over at Weston warily. He's been on edge ever since we left the stores. I don't know what went wrong. I went to buy some food and when I return he's different.

He acted suspicious. Eyes darting here and there hands twitching at the sound of anything, really.

We pulled up to the house and I reached for the car door handle but he grabbed my back staring me dead in the eyes.

"It's out there."

I furrowed my eyes confused. The only thing out of the car was my chance to take the tv for Netflix before those rascals I call kids take it.

"What do you mean? You've been jumpy since I went to buy food."

He glanced out the window and back to me his time serious "It's there waiting for us..."

"Do you mean insanity? Because I think it got you already hon."

Growling in frustration he let me go locking the car door "You don't understand it was there. You weren't there when it appeared."

"Appeared?"

"Not just, it attacked..."

I felt a small chill "A-Attacked? What w-was it..?"

He placed his head in his hands clearly distressed he looked up suddenly looking 40 years older. He had baggy eyes and a small beard which I have no clue how that happened.

"The birb..."

I sighed "Don't you mean bird."

He shook his head "The BIRB."

"K, darling I'll help you find your mind because clearly you lost it. But right now I'm going inside, Parks and Rec doesn't watch itself."

"NO! Are you crazy?!"

I rolled my eyes "You're asking me that? Mr. Birbphobia."

"You don't get it! You can't it'll take you!"

"Oh. Oh nooooooooo what ever will I do against the ever powerful birb. It'll take me? Oh my dear purity."

He huffed "Fine, you go. Go on."

"So you do have a brain cell."

Shaking my head at my husbands behavior I got out of the car bringing all my bags from the mall. I headed to the door looking back once to prove Weston's an idiot.

Once I reached the door however, something happened. The handles of my bag were torn holes poked at every surface of them.

Not poked.

Pecked.

"THE BIRB! ITS HERE! GOD BIRB NO!" I screeched before diving down seeing the birb fly above me sending me crap bombs.

"WESTON GET YOUR FINE ASS OVER HERE LETS GO! GO! GO!"

He broke through the roof of our car and ran up to me. Not like there's a door right next to him or anything, nooooo.

"Lets go we have to protect ourselves!"

I nodded and we rammed through the door a backup one nearby, after having Luca visit so many times it became a staple household need for extra doors. We quickly clicked it into place and dashed for the kitchen.

We stared at the kitchen and both nodded going for the doughnuts because fear makes people hungry.

But after that we got out pans and spatulas to defend ourselves against the birb. I had a brownie pan on my back and two bowls over my boobs. Weston had a pan over his crotch and aluminum on his back to blind the birb.

Tying our armor together we hesitantly walked outside.

He looked at me signaling for the bait. I threw the gummy worm after taking a bite because theys yummy. We dashed for nearby shrubbery waiting for the birb.

It circled the worm diving straight down. I have the signal and we both leapt out swinging out spatu-swords and screaming at the top of our lungs.

Which probably caused it to fly away before we even left the bush completely. We groaned and waited again repeating our process many times but not changing a thing.

Sighing we stood up and walked towards the uneaten worm. We crouched by it and looked at it wondering why it wasn't eaten it, it's been a few minutes.

Then in a flash the birb dove at Weston knocking his pan helmet off his head. He collapsed in my lap and I teared up shaking him.

"No...! Weston no no no! Stay with me it'll be ok!"

He coughed "I love you Evelyn... I don't I can stay."

"NoO! Why why!"

"Because hon its knocked a pot into my head I'm going to pass out."

I laughed and nodded "Right."

Walking up to the house were my two lovely kiddos they looked at each other.

"Who are those weirdos?"

"We should call the police!"

"Good idea."

"Wait wait! Look!"

"Oh no."

"Yeah."

"Those are our parents..."

"Maybe we can call for a toilet."

"Why?"

"Because even a toilet can do a less shitty job at being normal."

"True, but in a way it makes us look normal doesn't it."

"It does. Come on if we hurry we can beat mom to the TV!"

"For an adult she watches more TV than I watch my grades fall after finals." (A/N: true story, based off of me. Jk I'd be dead if that was true)

I looked back at Weston and the kids walking to the door about to steal my precious TV. I dropped his head and ran for it yelling threats about no tech if they dare take another step.

Neighbors POV

I glanced at our neighbors looking or the window as I spoke to my wife "Sweetie, do you think we should move?"

"THAT WONT DO ANYTHING!"

I turn to look at my wife, who was clad in pots and pans.

"THE BIRB WILL FOLLOW US EVERYWHERE!"

The End!

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Hello again!! Thank you so much all your support means so much to me. I'm pretty proud of this chapter since i winged it jk I made it up on the fly. As forewarned I told y'all I love puns. So just know. Anyway I'll be updating more of my books since things have settled. Thanks again!!
-🥔True Potato🥔