Bittersweet Hello. (H.S)

Two

"Dash?"

I shut my eyes when I hear the sound of my room door slowly open, trying my hardest to calm my breathing in attempt to stay as still as possible.

"Dasha?"

My mums voice is just as soft as a whisper but I hear it clearly through the silence in my room, "It's Monday today and school has already started."

I know what day and time it is - I've stayed up all night trying to call him, leaving me to watch the time slowly tick by.

I clutch my phone tightly in my hand under my pillow in an attempt to stop the tears that start its journey down the side of my face. I didn't need my mother to see the state I'm in.

"You're going to be..." I hear her begin but stop. I open my eyes to see hers stuck onto my face with a deep frown and watch her as she makes her way to me, sitting down on my bed to hug me. The moment her arms lock around me I cry. I cry like a baby and she holds me through it all. I'm grateful she doesn't say anything.

I cool myself down when she slowly pulls herself away, concerned written all through out her slowly ageing features.

Her hands hold mine as I sit up properly to look at her and dry the tears on my cheeks with my free hand. I prepare myself to answer the question I know she's about to ask.
And just like clockwork, she speaks.

"What's the matter?"

I want to tell her the truth. Every ounce. But all along she had been telling me not to get involved with the things I had gotten myself involved with any way. She's told me many times that I shouldn't be worrying about the boys and drugs.

I've done so good until now. Until him - Though he wasn't just any boy and I didn't expect to fall for him like I did. I couldn't control it even if my life depended on it.

"My friend Julie..." I say, unsure of what I was about to say, but her head nods along, encouraging me to go along with it, "...her dog died and he was really nice to me every time I went over." She looks surprised and a little apprehensive, unsure if that's really the reason why I just cried the way I did.

"I think it's because of my period." I say nonchalantly. "My hormones are all over the place. You know?." I try to laugh. I didn't actually have it at the moment but she fell for it anyway. The wariness in her expression fortunately gone, making the fast pumps of my heart calm.

"Well, he is in a good place now sweetie." she says kindly, rubbing the back of my hand as I nod sadly, not because of the fake dead dog but because I hate lying to my mother. But this was all for the sake of not hearing the "I told you so's".

"I've been having really bad cramps all morning and they still haven't gone away." I say sadly, hoping she gets my drift. I feel so bad but I just can't go to school, I can't think straight at the moment. I just can't force myself to socialise with anyone.

She smiles a small sad smile and nods her head softly, "How about you stay home for today?"

I look at her in the eyes steadily for the first time since she came in here and nod, creating a small smile when she nods her head once again in confirmation.

"Would you like anything? I can get you something if you'd like." She says softly, her brows arched in question.

"No it's fine, thank you."

She smiles sadly at me again and moves to rub my arm gently; as if I were as fragile as on of her expensive vases. I want to give in and tell her that I'm lying. That the real problem is because of him. A boy. And put up with the consequences, but as she nods one last time, getting up off of the bed to go back outside, I can't do it because deep down all I really want to do is talk to him and tell him that I miss him. I want to keep trying to get into cant ac with him and It angers me that I'm doing this to my closest friend, my mother, but it vanishes just as quickly as it came before I'm really able to do anything about it.

She stops midway through closing the door and looks at me in reassurance before speaking, "If you need to talk to me about anything. Anything at all. I'm here for you."

I smile at her and nod, knowing she means it and watch as she closes the door fully.

I fall back into my bed when I hear the click of the door shut and pull my phone from under the pillow. I dial his number again only for it to go straight to his message bank without a single ring. I sigh and listen to his voice for what must've been the hundredth time.

"Hi you've reached Harry. Sorry I couldn't answer, leave your message after the *beep*"

"Harry, it's me... again. Please call me when you can. I love you, bye."

*

I never wanted to feel the way I did back then in that room ever again. I felt desperate and weak. All for a boy who didn't even try. It made me feel disgusting. I wasted all of my time trying to get through to him and it broke my heart even more when I finally did on a sunny Sunday afternoon that I had spent alone in my room. Excited, I told him how much I missed him. I told him about what I had been getting up to, leaving out the fact that most of it was spent in my room and in return he replied with the minimum, vague answers. He told me that he had to go shortly after, cutting me short and ending the call in top speed.

I knew he saw the missed calls. I knew he listened to my voicemails and I knew he read my texts.
It was only by accident that he had accepted my call that one time. And I knew it. You could hear it in his voice as clear as how that exact day was.

In a way, I'm glad it played out the way it did because had it not, it would have surely ruined my life at the rate I was going - pushing all of my friends away, excluding myself from everyday things in life. It only took that short call to stop me in my tracks and to make me realise how much he changed in only a few months, acting in a way I had never witnessed the whole time I knew him.

But worst of all was how he didn't want me the way that I still wanted him back then. I blamed myself for a while, telling myself that I had annoyed him enough by calling him nonstop, I hoped he'd call me back when he cooled down but he never did.

I know now that how I acted was stupid and that's the only thing I regret the most. I acted so unlike myself and allowed it to get that far. I was a total wreck during those last months and I promised myself I'd never let me hurt, to watch myself next time - I'll always be true to myself.

Through that hard time It all worked out. I willed myself to continue on in my schooling and graduated to end up where I am now. Accepted into two of the universities I applied to - first go mind you, splitting the years in half.

I studied 3 years at the university in Manchester and moved to London to start my other half just a couple of weeks ago, already 4 and a half work loaded weeks in.

It's great. I feel great. Greater than I've ever felt before.

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Sorry for any mistakes. I just wanted to get a few chapters up before I set into the routine for updating weekly 😊

Thank you for giving this story a chance. Hope you stick with me through it xo -M