Sincerely, Suicidal

Chapter 1

*Never be ashamed of what you feel. You have the right to feel any emotion that you want and to do what makes you happy.*

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Dear mom,

You know that I love you with all of my heart. I will say that I don't agree with some of the things that you have done, like marry that god awful man. But irregardless I love you so much. You always know how to make me feel better and you're there when I need you. I don't blame you for not wanting to leave Rob, he's dangerous. I know he is. When I'm gone I want you to promise me one thing. Protect yourself and get out of there. With me gone it'll be easier for you to escape. Go to grandma's and call the police. Tell grandma I love her. I just can't bear to look at myself anymore. This isn't any of your fault. I just can't handle it anymore. I can't feel anything anymore. It's like I'm drowning except I can see everyone around me breathing. Trust me you don't need water to feel like you're drowning. But anyways, I want you leave and live your life and forget about me and what I was feeling. Save yourself the guilt. This is all my doing. Thank you for saving me and making me who I am. And believe me when I say you are an amazing woman, I just wasn't good enough. I'll never be good enough. I can't go to school, I can't go in public. I hate hiding all the time and feeling like everyone is whispering about me. Which they are. Teachers are starting to notice and I can't have any of this shit (excuse my language) blamed on you. The pain I feel is everywhere. Once said by one of my inspirations, "I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim." I now know that I'm totally worthless. I'm losing my mind and I need to escape. I know just how disappointed you'd be if I turned to drugs and alcohol. But that's just not me. I can't do that. The only option left is just to leave. It's amazing just how much I hid with a smile. My smile towards you was always real mommy. I love you more than words can explain. I have to go now. Maybe I'll run into dad. We will miss you dearly. I'm sorry for being so selfish. I love you mommy. To infinity and beyond.

Love,

Princess.

With a tear stained face, I folded the letter I'd just written and set it on my mother's dresser. I'd be the first place she'd look at when she got home from work. With mom and Rob gone, it was my only opportunity to do what had to be done.

I took my time walking to the bathroom taking in everything around me. My home. The pictures of me and my mom, and unfortunately Rob. My bedroom. I should probably say that I'd miss this place. But in all honesty I wouldn't. Not at all.

Making my way into the bathroom, I scoured the medicine cabinets. I grabbed two different bottles, not knowing what either of them contained. I didn't care though, I just needed them to do one thing for me. Take my life without blinking. I set the bottles in the counter and took my razor blade out of my pocket. I brought it up mid-arm and started slicing. The red blood pooled out of the cuts I'd just made. After about ten cuts I'd had enough. I popped open both the pill bottles. And put at least 10 from each container into the palm of my hand.

Just as I lifted all 20 pills up towards my mouth, the doorbell rang.

No,no,no. Not now.

I ignored the bell, it was probably just one of Rob's buddies. This was my only chance.

"He's not here!" I shouted at whoever was on the opposite end of the door.

I went to put the pills in my mouth again when-

"Uh, I don't know who you're talking about. I'm just here to introduce myself. My family and I just moved in next door.", a voice I didn't recognize shouted through the door.

"Look, I'm really busy here!"

"Okay but um my mom had me send this pie over and I really don't want to leave it on the doorstep. I don't really know you,but I'm pretty sure you don't want fly-covered dessert."

Aspirated I flung my hands, forgetting about the pills. They flew everywhere. One of my swinging hands knocked over the jar containing our toothbrushes. My arms were still gushing blood. Pouring all over the bathroom.

"Shit!"

"Are you okay in there?" The voice yelled again.

My one chance that I had to do this. It was the only day mom and Rob were both gone at the same time. And now it was ruined. I couldn't help it. I burst into tears.

The pills mixed with my blood covered the sink and floor. My arms ached more than usual, probably because of my outburst. And I couldn't go face whoever was at the door looking like this.

But apparently I wasn't going to have to face the mystery person. As I looked up the bathroom door came flinging open, revealing a boy about my age standing there with his mouth agape and eyes widened like saucers.

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Hey guys!

So this is the first chapter of Sincerely,Suicidal and I really hope you guys enjoy it. I know it's pretty short. On the side is a picture of Madisyn who is played by Scout Taylor Compton.

Hakuna Matata Xx.