Luxsoka: A Love Story

But You Can Never Look Back

Ahsoka Tano watched the runny, yellowish mess of bile and water swirl down the drain with a sigh, pulling herself shakily to her feet.

She had thrown up twice since she had been put into this cell, and once before that. She was pretty sure it was in the middle of the medical examination the Temple Healers had put her through upon her arrival, but she had barely been conscious at the time thanks to that stun blast, so she had no way of being sure.

When asked about it afterwards, she had been able to brush it off as the questionable nature of her last meal. But by the time the second incident had come and gone, the pair of clone troopers guarding her cell in the bowels of the Temple had begun to take notice. Even now, as she stumbled away from the sink and towards the small bed on one side of the room, she could still hear them talking.

"Think she must've caught a bug or something," the first one said through a slight crackle of static on his helmet comm. "Figures. The Lower Levels are the best place there is on Coruscant to get sick."

"Should've known better than to eat out of a dumpster," the second one agreed. "Did it show up on the medical scans?"

"Guess so. I don't know – I'm not cleared to see them."

It's not the food that's making me throw up, although that was indeed terrible, Ahsoka wanted to tell them. I wouldn't be vomiting every few hours if you hadn't taken my pills away.

But she held her peace, knowing she had to be thankful they didn't suspect her vomiting episodes were anything more than that – vomiting episodes.

She lay down and curled up on her side with a sigh, placing a hand on her belly. Once she was certain she was out of the line of sight of anyone who might happen to come through the door, she closed her eyes and began to meditate.

Since she had been carrying it so long, despite what it represented, the presence of her unborn child had become almost soothing to her. Keeping it for as long as she already had – and even conceiving it in the first place – was already a serious act of insurrection against the so tightly enforced rules of the Jedi Order. The fact that it had been conceived out of love was even worse. It was her and Lux's own little act of rebellion.

She remembered that night on Hesperidium that felt so long ago, where she had made him that foolish promise that, in these difficult times, had come to mean so much to her: "I don't know how, because I love the Jedi Order and what it stands for too, but I'll fight for you. For this."

Lux had smiled and called them rebels, and, too caught up in the moment to say anything else, she had agreed. Even now, she could still remember the way his lips had felt on hers, and how his arms had felt as they were wrapped around her...

"Get up, prisoner – it's dinner time," came a voice, shattering her reverie. Ahsoka could tell immediately by the tone that the voice belonged to a clone, but the slight nuances in the jargon being used told her that it was someone new.

"Come on, can't you see she just threw up?" the second one from earlier said. "I don't think she'll be wanting food anytime soon."

"So what? She gets her meals same time as the others back in the military prisons. I don't care if she's in the mood or not – just because she's a Jedi doesn't mean she gets any special treatment." The clone paused for a moment, deep in thought. But when he spoke again, his voice was no kinder. "If it gets any worse, give the traitor an antibacterial shot and be done with it."