Chapter Four

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Killing intent took over my body as I surveyed my surrounding. In the corner of the house huddled on the corner was my wife and daughter. They're crying, begging for me to spare their lives. But the pain they caused me was enough to lost the self control that I had for a long time. I am seething in rage -all I saw was red.
Blood.
Dark red fluid were carelessly thrown everywhere creating a seemingly abstract painting.
Oh! How I longed to see this day would come. It was perfection.
No hesitation. No guilt. Just pure madness.

"Lucy! Wake up! Or I swear to all the heavens-" someone poured me with ice cold water.
"Oh! Thank God your finally awake." My mom said worry evident in her voice. She sigh in relief and closed our gap to hug me tightly.
"W-what did I do this time?" I shuttered not from cold but in fear I am not even sure if I really want to know the answer. She just look at my hands and that's my cue to look down to. I was holding a knife in a tight grip. The knife clattered on the floor as I let go of the vile thing that almost cause my family's death. I was horrified. A lot of 'what if's' rushed into my mind that makes me what to vomit and hide on shame.
"Mom, I'm s-sorry. I didn't mean to frightened you or hurt anyone." I duck my head on shame. This was my fault. I should had have locked my door.
"It's okay honey, you did not hurt anyone. It just a dream. A nightmare. You don't have anything to be sorry." She said. Her voice was soothing, full of love and concern it makes me relaxed in her arms.
"Tell me what it was this time?"
"It was nothing mom. Same old stuff." In the corner of my eye I saw the disgusted look my sister threw in our direction. Still looking down I untangle myself to my mom and run to the confines of my room.

The vividness of my nightmare was frightening. And the adrenaline I felt was so addicting but terrifiying at the same time. It was pure madness indeed.
It's been like this for over eleven years now. And the feeling was still like the first time. I can see people die on my dreams and the worst part was I'm not an audience but the killer itself. Or I am one of the accidents' casualties. I can fell their rage, pain, panic and all their conflicting emotions.

On the next day it would be in the news. Well that's not so scary after all. Note the sarcasm.

The knock on the door wake me from the trance of my conflicting thoughts.
"Come in." I called. A second later the door creak open.
I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"Are you okay now, Lucy?" I just nodded my head I don't want her to know that I am far being okay.
"We just drop by to check on you. Josh said you called sick yesterday. Are you really okay?" I sigh.
"Mom don't worry about me, okay?" She nodded her understanding then got up. She look at me, then like being stuck with lightning she froze, her eyes widened. But her eyes told me she's far from scared infact I can see satisfaction, approval and glee in her eyes. Rare emotions danced in her eyes. Like she was seeing me for the first time in years. I never seen those emotions before after my father's death.

"I can't believe it. You've change your hair color." She gushed excitedly.
"Y-yeah. I did." She tilt my head for a thorough inspection. She smiled broadly.
"Your so beautiful, love." She said throughtfully.
"And you look like him." After saying those words her face fell like seeing someone from a very long time ago.
"Who?" I asked her. My curiosity peaked. I am sure I am nothing like my father . They said most of my looks was from my mother. Including my auburn hair that was black now.

Well atlest now I am sure, that it was not a dream after all.
Should I be scared. Worry?
Why did my apperance change just like that?
And most importantly who was HIM?

More question bombarded my mind like waves on a mission of destroying everything they hit. It makes me dizzy. My heart thudded in both fear and anticipation. Fear of knowing that what if my father was not my father but someone else I do not know. And anticipation of finally knowing who am I and why I am odd. Now was the time to answer those question that always keeps me awake at night. And the only person that can answer all of it was here in front of me, my mother. Growing up I thought she was as clueless as me. But because of that little slip I know better than to just shout up.

She look at me with fear in her eyes. All the color drained from her beautiful face. And I can't help but felt guilt swelling in my stomach, but now was not the time to felt something like this. I need those answers now. I am changing and I don't know why.

She knows that she made a mistake in slipping a small but very important detail of my life.
And I don't have any plan of backing out now.
Its now or never.

I put my hands in her shoulder and gently shake her. She was in a trance. And I need her knowledge now. So I shake her more urgently, until her eyes focused on my face.
"Mom. Who is him?" She just stared at me.
"Please mom, I need the truth. I don't care if it will break me. I need the truth." I shake her once more urging her to answer the question.
My tears now were free falling from my eyes.

She stared at me with resolve and determined look.

"I-"

"I don't know." She finally said. All the anticipation vanish, replaced with cold and dark hole. Emptiness. A never ending emptiness. I am free falling to the dark abyss of despair.

I slump on the bed unable to utter a single word.
All the hope I had have died in an instant.

"But please know that I did not cheated to your father."
My head snapped in her direction.
"Then what am I?" I ask her accussingly.
She was taken aback in my outburst.
Her visit has turned three hundred sixty degrees.
"I-its not what you think it was." She was now trembling.
"Then tell me what am I!?" I am now screaming.
"I am a lie. My life is a lie." Sobs errupted as I cried my heart out.
"N-no. Ple-"
"Get out." I said calmly despite the tears and sobs.
"Please, I can explain."
"Did he know?" She know I am talking about my father and not my biological father. She hesitated before replying.

"N-no."
"Then get out." She was now crying to. I don't know why but now I really don't care I am beyond caring.
"You don't understand!" She argued.
"That I am."
"Please do me a favor. Leave me alone."
"Now get out." I forced out, pointing to the exit.

And there she was the devil herself standing on the doorway just watching the drama unfold with a smug look in her face.

I stared at her. Challenging her to open her mouth.
She just rolled her eyes and tugged her mother's wrist. Ushering her out.
And maybe out of my life.

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