I should've turned right.
He told me he loved me. Turns out he never has and never will. Stupidity isn't something I lack. Of course I fell for it. I love him. Why I may never know, but I still did. He did stupid things, but I can't stop loving him. It's something about his smile. His voice. His humor. His eyes. I wanted him to love me but it would never happen. I didn't realize his love was a lie until about a week ago when he told me. After he told me, I went home and I cried for an hour.
And now, here we are, a week after he broke the news to me. I just finished crying for the second time today (I am a very emotional person and whenever I remember us being together and how everything started to make sense, and it explained why he acted so distant I would cry). Then I wipe my tears and sit still. I look at my watch and it says it's 7: 19 PM. I can't bear it and I decide to ignore my emotions. I grab a suitcase and stuff all the clothes I have in it. I get as many large boxes as I can find and put most of my possessions in them. The only things I leave behind in my nearly empty house are his heartless gifts. I load my dark maroon-colored jeep, and climb in the driver seat. I am starting new.
I start my car and put in a CD. The music seems to drown out my sad anger. I drive away from my old life. I don't know where I am going. I just drive. The sun is beginning to go to sleep, but I'm not ready yet. The road is empty and the lights in the houses around me are off. I'm not going to stop. Not yet. I decide to turn left and don't even use my turning signal- even in a town where that is frowned upon. Eventually I end up at a small motel with the sign's lights flickering on and off. I shrug and climb out. It's colder than I expected it would be and I can see my own breath. This isn't exactly how I want things to happen. I'm broke, madly in love, and alone.
Am I really going to do this? Throw my life away and start new? Is this what I want? I contemplate these things as I try to get comfortable in a small, squeaky bed in a cramped motel room. I just want to scream. So I do. My energy drained, I flop onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. Tears start to fall and I don't try to hold them back. Suddenly it was cold in the room and I hid under the covers.
I woke up the next morning and decide to keep moving. I need to get out of this crappy motel. I grab what I brought into the motel room, which wasn't much, and check out of my room. I try to get to my car before I start to cry again. As soon as I get into my car I begin to cry. It isn't just because of the lies he told, but because of everything I lost. My friends and family and him. My shoulders are shaking and my breathing is quivering. After I have a long cry, my throat feels raw and my eyes are almost dry because I've been crying for so long. I take a deep breath and turn on the car. With my music blasting again, I roar onto the road.
The music is louder than my thoughts. I still haven't figured where I'm going, but I keep driving. Ignore my conscience and listen to my heart. What does my heart say? It says to turn left. So I listen. I turn speedily, but it's just me out here so no one should see me. The road is bumpy and narrow, so it's hard to sing along with my music. I get upset and shout a few curse words, which doesn't really make me feel better, but I don't care. I'm suddenly distracted by a figure in the distance. I want to ignore it, but my curiosity takes over. I drive slowly toward the figure and soon I see it is a woman wearing a flowy pastel blue dress that goes to her knees with long sleeves that are wider at the bottom. Her knees seem to be drowning in midnight blue boots. Her long red hair is flying around in the sudden wind. I drive on this almost empty road, and even though I get closer she doesn't move. She just continues to stare into the distance. She doesn't even seem to see me or hear me, even though my music is definitely loud enough for someone this close to hear. I sit there, puzzled, when suddenly she falls. Just falls on the ground without warning. Even though I'm terrified, it's mostly curiosity and so I get out of the car, not even stopping my music. I look down at the woman and see her face turning white. I'm paralyzed as I stare at a dot of red growing on her chest. It takes me a few seconds to realize what has happened. I reach for my phone and dial 911, and as the phone starts to ring I look up. As soon as I do someone runs. The person on the other phone says something but I don't hear her until she repeats it. Suddenly I'm out of my weird trance. I tell her what I just witnessed with my eyes welling up with tears. Once I hang up I let the tears fall, but my crying is silent. I jump when an ambulance disrupts my thoughts and the quietness of where I am. I see a paramedic run to where I am and I just point at the woman, unable to speak. I doubt they'll be able to save her; it's been awhile since I witnessed the murder and the bullet seemed to go right through her heart. Or somewhere close to that. A police officer appears on my left and tells me I need to be taken in for questioning. I only nod and follow him to his car, not daring to look back.
