Rose (A Supernatural Fanfiction)

Save Me From Me

I didn't let anyone in to see me for four days. And when I did, it was just Xander, who wanted to hug me and make me feel better. It didn't work. Then I isolated myself again. I was trying to work out a way to take my own life. After the first day of Dean, Cas, and Kevin trying to call me, I'd switched the “calling” off. I didn't want to hear what they had to say. Sam had made it clear that he didn't want me. He didn't have to say anything. The fact that he had not once tried to call, had not immediately cheered up when he found out it was him, spoke more than his words ever would, or could.

I finally left my room (in the middle of the night when I was sure Kali and Xander would be sleeping) to go to the library. But Cas was waiting for me there. How he'd gotten in without me knowing, I wasn't sure. But he wasn't going anywhere, that much was clear. He looked relieved to see me out of my room, but the relief faded to concern when he took in my appearance. I probably looked dead.

“Freyja, what are you doing to yourself?” he gasped, grabbing my arm and making me sit beside him. I really wasn't in the mood for the lecture I knew was coming, but he wasn't letting me get up, so I had no choice.

“I'm fine. I came here for a reason, you know,” I snapped, trying to pull my arm away. He didn't let me.

“You stopped listening to our calls. Why?” he asked, trying to look into my eyes. I flinched and managed to free my arm.

“Because I didn't need to hear them to know that you were all just repeating yourselves. And he didn't try even once. That says enough, don't you think?” I snapped, not meeting his eyes.

“He has not left his room since you disappeared. Dean says that he does not look like himself. I did not know what he meant until I saw you. You are both suffering by being away from each other. He was angry, but he is not now. I would imagine he's been calling you every day since you stopped listening,” Cas informed me. I frowned.

“He could have contacted me anyways. Our bond would have allowed only his calls to get through. He didn't want to, which is fine. I'm working on... something. Please leave,” I snapped. He didn't leave, but I just ignored him and found the book I'd been looking for. Then I went back to my room and locked myself inside.

The next person to see me was Dean. Cas had brought him to the house (at least I think it was Cas... it may have been Kali interfering with my life again), and he pounded on my door for hours until I finally just let him in.

“What do you want?” I demanded, angry. He looked nervous.

“I want you to come back with me. Well, I need you to. Cas told me he wasn't going to take me back there, and that I'd have to convince you to. But also, I wanted to talk to you about Sammy. I've never seen him so upset. I wasn't in the room when whatever happened... but I've been with him since, and I think he's dying. He hasn't eaten in days, and he won't leave his bed. He's too weak to do much of anything, and I haven't heard his voice in three days,” he informed me.

“Wh-what? Why would he do that?” I gasped, shocked.

“Cas and I think he's trying to get your attention the only way he knows how. If he's in danger, he thinks you'll come to save him. Since none of us have been able to get you back, we think he's trying to himself,” he replied. I shook my head.

“No... he's not stupid. He wouldn't do that to himself. Besides... I would have felt it if he was in danger!” I snapped. Dean looked unsure of whether he wanted to finish this conversation.

“He's my brother so I shouldn't say this. But he's stupid when it comes to the people he loves. He's stupid about me all the time, and he's been stupid about Cas, and now he's being stupid about you. Do you know how many times I've thought I've lost him? More than I've ever wanted to. And now I'm losing him again, and this time there's nothing I can do but sit back and watch. I've been trying to call you back for over a week, and you haven't been listening. You look a lot like he does right now: pretty much dead. And I'm not going to let either of you die for real,” he told me, sitting down on my bed.