A Girl Named Kieran

Chapter 9: Anchor and the Wind

I spend all day Sunday practicing in the dingy little studio at the rec center. I wear my feet raw and don't go home until it is pitch dark outside and my head is spinning. I fall asleep before my head hits the pillow. When I wake, I feel as though I have just closed my eyes, but I jump out of bed and become a nervous case of jitters.

I hop on the bus and sit down in my seat, looking at the three empty seats to my left. I wait impatiently for Haley to get on at the next stop, and then Elliot and Tyler at the next. 

'I wonder if they'll actually talk to me when they get on.'

Soon Haley gets on and plops down next to me with a huff. She immediately begins fixing her hair.

"What are you doing?" I ask with a laugh.

"Making sure I look great for when Tyler gets on at the next stop." She says, shooting me a wink.

"You're ridiculous." I tell her.

"Whatever. You have a big day ahead of you!" She says, bumping my shoulder.

"I know! I'm so nervous."

"You're going to do great." She tells me, giving my arm a reassuring squeeze.

To my surprise, Elliot and Tyler do sit down in the seat right beside us and they do talk to us for the entire bus ride to school. 

'Is this what it's like to have a group of friends?'  I wonder.

Once I get to school I spend all day shaking my leg, watching the clock, and driving myself completely insane. To be completely honest, I spend all my time in the hallways hoping to catch a glimpse of Gabriel, but I never see him.

Just as the bell rings, I am springing out of my seat and running to meet Haley at my locker.

"I'm freaking out!" I yell at her when I get within a few feet. She laughs and assures me that I will be fine, and then we take off walking towards the bus. We arrive to find Elliot sitting in our seat.

"Funny, now move." I say with no room for argument.

"Yeesh, someone's in a cranky mood." He jokes, moving over to sit with Tyler.

"She's not cranky, just super nervous because she's got a big audition today." Haley tells him and his eyes get wide.

"You got an audition?! That's awesome, I know you were really hoping for that." He says, shooting me a smile.

"I know! Thank you, I'm just so scared I'm going to mess it up." I say.

"You won't. I believe in you." He says and I look down with a smile, feeling very embarrassed that he would say something like that.

The boys get off at the rec center to go play basketball. After that, the bus seems much quieter and my nerves sneak back in, taking over my mind. Haley gives me a pep talk, constantly telling me that I'm working myself up about nothing. Soon we are at Mrs. Grace's, Haley and I being the last people on the bus.

Changing, warming up, and waiting for Mrs. Grace to come into the audition room seems like it takes a millennium. Finally I hear the click of the door and I inhale a large breath.

"Good afternoon Kieran." Mrs. Grace says as she walks into the room.

"Hi Mrs. Grace." I say, feeling my stomach flip and turn.

"Well there's no point in wasting any time so let's get right to it. Let's see what you can do." She says before pressing play on the stereo. I suddenly feel like I've had no time to prepare, that I should've spent more time practicing, and that I am nowhere near ready enough to ace this audition. I almost miss my cue because all of these thoughts are racing around my head.

I let the music take over my body and I dance. I forget where I am and what is at stake; not only my spot here in this studio but my chance to be something amazing. I push it all from my mind and flow with the beat. My piece is mostly contemporary with a little bit of ballet and I trust that my favorite black lyrical shoes will help me make all the right steps. I imagine myself performing this routine in a real dance competition with a shiny costume and a panel of judges watching, maybe even a dance partner by my side.

The music ends almost as quickly as it began. I am left in my ending pose, breathing heavy. I wait for her to nod her head before I put my arms down and return to a normal stance. I look at her expectantly. I can hear my heart drumming in my ears over my panting, my feet ache, and my stomach churns. But she is silent.

"I'll let you know by the end of the week." She says and then she looks to the door. I take that as my cue to leave and I do so quickly despite the pit forming in my stomach. I reach the other side of the door and slump down on the wall. I put my head between my knees. Haley is by my side in seconds.

"Oh my god, what did she say?" She asks, her voice is lined with worry.

"She didn't say anything. That's the problem Hal. She didn't say anything; nothing good, nothing bad. You know that can't mean anything other than she needs some time to think of a nice and easy way to break the news to me that I didn't get in." I say with a weak and shaky voice. I can feel tears building up behind my eyes.

"That's not true! You're amazing. I'm sure it's just a scare tactic, something she does with everyone." Haley says in an attempt to calm me down.

"Did she do that with you?" I ask. She looks taken aback for a moment and then she sighs.

"No, she told me right away that I got in." She almost whispers.

"Great. Just great.' I say, grabbing my bag and storming out the door. I hear Haley trailing after me, but I don't stop until I'm far down the street and have found a bench to sit down on. I put my head down and take a deep breath. Haley has caught up and sits down next to me.

"I'm sure you got in. This audition was impromptu, she just needs to check the budget and stuff." Haley says.

"Yeah, sure." I sigh.

"Come on, you know what you need?" Haley asks.

"What?" I mutter.

"A party. Let's go to a party." She says.

"Let's not and say we did." I groan.

"It'll be good for you, come on." She says, pulling my hand.

"Parties are not my place and it's Monday night Haley. Where are you going to find a party?" I ask.

"I can always find a party. I was actually invited to one at school today. Someone's older brother is back in town from college and is supposed to be throwing a great party. It'll help get your mind off of this!" She begs.

"This is gonna suck." I say.

"It's gonna be fun!" She cheers and we begin walking back to her house.