Friends A to Z

The Starting Line

Althea sits in her room contemplating the words to write on the paper before her, pushing back the side of her that just wanted to write, 'Sorry I'm dying, but heck maybe God is real and I'll get to see you again in heaven or hell.' She laughs at the thought then lets out a sigh. Althea knew her friend wouldn't like that one bit. For one she was an atheist  and two, she was already having a hard time with the news. She had recently lost a family member to cancer. Althea imagines that she was not ready, and more afraid of losing her as well despite her constant reassurance that everything would be alright, even though in the end, both of them knew it was not. Leukemia was terminal, there was no cure for it, and there was never an account of anyone with leukemia whose cancer became no more.

Althea shakes the depressing thoughts from her head. Despite there not being a cure, it was still possible for her to live with it for long time. Even the doctor confirmed that there would not be much to worry about in her stage and if everything went well enough, she would live well into her early forties. Still, she worries. What if she did pass away earlier than expected? Left behind everything she loved. It was a scary thought.   

She stares down at the paper and takes a breath. Althea begins to write.

Dear my beloved

She scratches it out

To my best friend

She scratches that out as well. Frustrated she takes the paper and balls it up, tossing it in the silver basket that beside her desk.

Althea groans and plops her head down onto the stack of papers. She reminisces the days that she had met Ahlai, who she considered the person closest to her. Despite being a thousand miles away and only being able to contact each other through social media. They had managed to connect more than anyone she had ever met in person. There were always a few doubts, but the two had been speaking with each other for over two years. She smiles thinking back on it. The first time they chatted, Althea did not like her, not one bit, but after a while she grew more understanding of the person on the other side of the screen.

Althea lifts up her head and looks at the paper, suddenly filled with inspiration to write again.

Dear Friend A,

You might be wondering why I am calling you friend A, instead of Ahlai, well I don't really have a reason for it either so just go with it. Please.  I understand that you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed, emotions and thoughts trying to bring you down, but you should know I'm with you every step of  the way. Even if I'm not there in person, even if I could no longer be on the Earth with you. This may be harder for you than any other, and it is hard for me too. I don't want to leave this world yet, I don't want to leave you alone in this world. I want to be there, to protect you, to love you and to hold you.

Althea holds back the tears as she stops writing. She puts down her pen. She couldn't continue this. The ticking hands of her clock made it worse. The click click clicking of the minute was like a countdown to her own life. She reaches for her phone desperate for a distraction. She scrolls through the contacts wondering who to talk to in this situation. She had yet to tell everyone of her diagnosis, only a handful of people knew. She closes her eyes not wanting too burden anyone else. 

In a fit, Althea throws her phone across the room. It hits the wall breaking, the battery falling out. She crawls to her bed curling up into a ball, hugging a small blue square pillow. Her dark shoulder length hair spills around her onto cacophonies of blues on her bed that was bed. She pulls her knees as tightly into her chest a possible only taking up a quarter of her queen bed. Her situation dawned on her like senior told that they did not have enough credits to graduate.  

Althea lets herself cry since the day of her diagnosis. She weeps into the pillow muffling the sound of her sorrow. She had held on when they talked about treatment plans and the many possibilities, but she knew what that meant that they were just extending her life, but for how long. She, herself, knew that those diagnosed with leukemia had an average of six years to live. That was not even enough to reach the age of thirty, and the most funny thing was that almost four years ago she was almost willing to give up on life and would have happily welcomed the chronic illness. 

Althea thinks of what she wanted for the future, how many things she would have to put on hold, how many things she would no longer be able to freely do. She closes her eyes forcing buckets of tears to fall from her eyes. She had told everyone she was fine, and that she was okay. It was hard to tell who was the one that was ill. She wanted to be strong, prove that she was strong enough to pull through, but with each passing second, it was becoming incredibly difficult to do as she realized that the many goals that she wished to achieve was dwindling and her hopes and dreams for the future was crushed. 

This was the beginning of Althea's journey, a start with the finish line directly in sight. It would be filled with fear and sadness, but also joy and laughter. There was so much she had to give to the world and the people in it, and by some sort of twisted fate, her situation would allow her to do just that. This defining moment  of change would become one of many. Though for now, as far as Althea knew, her already abnormal life had no chance of growing the way she intended, but it would occur, it would grow in a way that she could never imagine, all she required was a small tug too keep her from falling into the unseen abyss that swirled beneath her. One small step would decide it all.