Marry me? (BWWM ROMANCE)

Party

Opal
"Congratulations" I heard my friends and family yell as I walked into Brendan's apartment. "Oh my god" I looked around the room and saw the pink baby decorations. "Surprised?" Brendan asked smiling "Yes, this is amazing" The living room was draped in pink and yellow streamers and there where tons of gifts sitting on the kitchen table. I should have known something was up when Brendan asked to take me out to dinner, foolishly I thought it might have been a date but it was clear it was to put my baby shower together. "I'm so happy for you" My mother broke through the crowd to hug me "Mom it isn't official yet" I said trying not to get too excited and jinx myself. "Yeah but we all know it will be" Maria, my head nurse, added. "Yeah were hoping" I smiled, they lead me over to the kitchen to fix me a plate and I shot of look of joy at Brendan.
Brendan
There is was that beautiful smile that had caused my heart to skip a beat. "Congrats man" my buddy Jalen came over to hug me, he was my sous chef and closet male friend. "You ready to be a daddy?" He asked as we both watched the women in our lives mingle, I watched Opal while he kept eyes on his wife Shonna another curvy black woman who was only one shade lighter than his dark complexion. "This is only temporary" I reminded him and myself, he knew the complicated situation I had with Opal. "Yeah but you know damn well it doesn't have to be, why the hell don't you just tell that girl how you feel" His wisdom was showing, while Jalen was normally playful and acted like he was only 25, every now and again I was reminded that he was almost 40. "You know I can't" I sighed, he knew why I kept opal at arm's length and although he didn't approve he never pushed too hard. "Alright I hear you, but you know if you don't take her someone else will" He voiced my biggest fear, I could handle not being with Opal but the thought being with anyone else scared me. I knew it was selfish to keep her single just because I'm afraid of being without her, but I couldn't bear the thought of a man touching her the way I want to.

Throughout the party I sat back and watched her shine, as we played games, cut the cake, and told stupid stories. I knew she was having a good time, and was happy that I was a part of that reason. The party ended and we ushered everyone out the door, now came the hardest part of the night being left alone with each other.
Opal
"Brendan thank you soo much for tonight" I tried to walk straight towards him to give him a hug, but the alcohol in my system had different plans. What started as a light hug turned into a deep embrace, before I knew it I was inhaling the scent of his cologne off his neck. "God you smell good" I moaned "Thanks you too" I expected him to step back but he held me closer. I planted a peck on his neck and kept kissing until I made it to his mouth. "Whoa Opal I think we need to stop" he said pulling back "Oh I'm sorry , how could I forget only models are aloud near your mouth" I replied bitterly, I knew I was being spiteful and should stop but the liquor in me cheered me on. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked crossing his arms.

"Exactly what I said, the only girls you kiss are size 4 and under no room for my fat ass" I said, 'I could stop right now apologize and go to bed' I thought to myself, but I had bottled this up for years. "Opal that's not true" he defended "Isn't it every girl you have ever been with has been some skinny hot bitch, and as we can clearly see that I'm not" I argued 'What am I doing? Why am I ruining this? I should have never drank that tequila' I hated myself for how I was acting. "Opal your drunk just go to bed" He sighed 'Good he is giving me an out, I should take it' I thought to myself "Not even going to deny it just like I thought" I felt angry tears prick my eyes, this was going from a bad conversation to an all-out catastrophe. "Because you know that's not true" he replied "Isn't it admit it, you won't be with me because I'm too big" I spat out 'There it was the root to all my insecurities laid out for him to see' I thought cringing internally at what I had just said. "You think I don't want you? You think I would do all this if I don't have to fight an erection, every time I see you in those shorts and tank tops. Or that I don't wake up with 13 year old wet dreams of you and me doing any and everything to one another. Do you have any idea how tortuous it's been for me to live with you and now touch you!!" he screamed, it was clear my accusations were wrong "Then why don't you, it's not like I'm not giving you the green light?" I asked coming down from my rage. "I can't Opal, I just can't" He said, not giving me much of a reason.
Brendan
'I'm doing it again' I thought to myself as I watched Opal's face crumble into tears, I knew this was a bad idea but I let myself do it anyway. Being alone together playing husband and wife for months was only going to lead to hurt feelings. "Why?" She asked "Don't give me any bullshit about us hurting our friendship either" she said. "Opal, I just can't. I know it isn't fair and it isn't saying much but just trust me when I say that we can't be together" I explained, afraid to tell her the real reason I can't be with her even though it's so clear how I feel. This time she didn't bother to argue she just went into her bedroom slammed the door, and cried and I felt like the world's biggest ass.
"Damn that bad" I finished explaining what happened last night to my Jalen , while we sat in my office. "Yeah, she has to fucking hate me" I gave an empty chuckle, I tried to convince myself I did the right thing but It wasn't working. "Man just tell her" He sighed "How, am I supposed to walk up to her tell her I'm HIV positive, she will fucking flee" I said more mad at my situation than at him "You act like it's a death sentence you have been living fine with this for over 10 years, why not let her in?" he sighed, I knew he understood he had found out about my disease last year when he found my medication in my office. "What if she leaves? What if she is disgusted with me?" I voiced my fears. "What if you man the fuck up and get your woman? All, I'm saying is you won't know until you try. " he had a point, and I couldn't exactly hide from Opal she lived with me, and I couldn't call this thing off she needed me to get the girls. On the other hand if we kept up this act we were only going to fall harder for one another and end up doing irreparable damage to our friendship. "Your right" I said, I had come to the conclusion this had to be down tonight, I just prayed she could still love me.