I have waited oh, so long (please don't tell me baby I was wrong)

chapter 5

Louis finds him curled up in Harry's bed sometime later with a pillow hugged to his body, his face buried in it as he cries as silently as he can. His hand rubs slow circles along Zayn's back and he tenses, struggles to control himself.

"It's okay, Zayn. You can cry." Louis tells him in a soft voice, one that makes him feel safe. So he lets go and Louis pulls the pillow away, replacing it with his body, curling around him and letting Zayn soak his shirt with his tears.

Harry and Niall, when they wake, join them, cocooning Zayn once again, confused but ready to offer their comfort without an explanation being needed.

Once Zayn has settled down to little snivels and silent tears, and exhaustion beginning to sink in, he faintly hears Louis whisper, "They broke up."

He whimpers, Louis' hold on him getting tighter, and he wonders if they were ever really together to begin with or if he really was just Liam's little experiment.

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They don't talk about it, Zayn doesn't want to and he absolutely refuses to. It hurts too much to think about let alone relive it word for word.

And when the night is just too dark and too quiet for him to handle, when he feels weak and weighted down by his thoughts, Harry slips into his bed, always on time as if he can sense it. He never asks questions and Zayn's thankful for that.

Everyday becomes a little bit more painful to live out, each one that passes by. He's not used to being home so often and he's not use to not hearing from Liam for so long. So he dives into his artwork for the gallery in February, locking himself in his room for days, only leaving to piss, take the occasional shower, and when his mum and baba come by with the girls for his birthday. He can tell they can detect something's wrong with him, his mum mentions how he looks like he lost weight and tries to stuff him full the whole day, and his baba tries to pull him into the kitchen, asking how he is, if there's anything he wants to talk about, to which Zayn insists everything is okay.

They know about Liam, of course they do. They've seen him enough times at his galleries, at his dorm, at his house. They love Liam, but they never knew the extent of their relationship. Shit, Liam and Zayn barely knew the extent of their relationship till about two years ago when everything hit the fan. When Zayn was feeling a confusing amount of jealousy and Liam had felt an even more confusing amount of attraction. Though when that happened Liam had already been in a relationship with Danielle for a year and look where they are now.

He doesn't get anything from Liam on his birthday either, not a text, not a phone call, and though he supposes it's for the best, he can't help but feel a little bitter about it.

That is until, after his parents and the girls have left, there's a light knock on his bedroom door and Zayn finds Harry on the other side with a box of cupcakes and a knitted green, red, and purple bracelet that Zayn remembers making with Safaa back during his first year of University, giving it to Liam because he thought the style of it was cool. Zayn doesn't know if he's happy Liam kept it all these years or hurt that he's giving it back but he wears it regardless, remembering how Liam use to wear it everyday and he wonders when he stopped.

The rest of January passes by in a blur of water colors and oil pants and charcoal and pencil. Every item smudged somewhere on his body everyday. He's got an odd mix of pieces but somehow they all fit together, looking as though they each have the same theme, just approached in many different ways.

A theme of agony and pain, of feeling trapped, hidden, but also the almost sad beauty that came with it. He's not sure if anyone else would see it, they could see something totally completely different, they can see just a bunch of colors and drawings, but he sees it, he feels it. So he's satisfied.