What If

Coffee

Brian pulled a sip of his sixth beer as he watched each of his friends play with their kids. Matt was busy assembling  a race track as River and Cash looked on and Zacky balanced Tennessee on his knee as the baby held a teething ring in his hands, drool coming out of his mouth. Johnny waited on his pregnant wife's every whim as she sat contentedly eating everything he brought her. Brooks and Kelly talked about their upcoming New Year's vacation with the boys to Disney World as they two youngsters watched Matt and the race track.

It was all too sad to watch and Brian drained the rest of his beer.

Michelle handed him another and took his empty bottle. "Brought you a refill," she said tentatively.

He sighed before saying. "Thanks."

She dropped herself into the seat next to him. "Why so glum? You look like someone ran over Pinkly."

"Pinkly's fine," he said absently. "It's just been a shit day."

Her dark eyes widened. "It's Christmas day...how could it be so bad?" she tried to give him a reassuring smile. "Did you not get what you wanted under the tree?"

"Something like that," he mumbled.

"Maybe next year," she shrugged.

"Maybe."

She waited for him to keep talking but he kept his eyes on the boys in front of him and wished his girls were there. "Are you okay? I mean...obviously there's something bothering you...."

He looked at her. He could tell...she loved him still. Even after all the mistakes they had made, she still wanted to be with him. "I'm okay, Chelle...I'm just going through some stuff."

"Do you want to go somewhere?" she asked hopeful "To talk about it? I mean...I'm a good listener and I want to help."

He managed a smile."I appreciate that...but this is one I have to figure out for myself."

"Oh yeah," she said smiling sadly "I get it. I just..want you to know that I'm here...if you want me to be."

"I'm sorry for all the shit, I ever put you through," he said sincerely "I was a bad boyfriend. I did a lot of crap because I knew you'd put up with it. It was wrong. You deserve better...way better than me."

Tears formed in her eyes and threatened to spill. "Brian..."

He stood and placed his beer on the small table. "I'm am sorry," he said as he leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek.

Everyone looked up to watch as he placed his hand on her shoulder and walked over to Matt. 

"I'm out, man," he said shaking his hand.

"You okay?" Matt asked concerned as he put down the track in his hand.

"I don't feel good," Brian admitted "But I'll be fine. I just gotta sleep a few....weeks."

Everyone chuckled at what they assumed was joke. He made his hand shaking rounds and managed to make it outside of the house where the cool California wind whipped his dark hair. He zipped up his canvas jacket and walked to his car. 

He took one more look at his friend's Christmas tree through the large bay window and then down at his Benz. All this stuff he wouldn't have if he wasn't where he was...where he chose to be...this was what he needed.

Wasn't it?

===========================

He noticed an unfamiliar VW Jetta in his driveway when he pulled up and he mumbled "Shit" under his breath more than once.

He wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone right now. He was going to tell whoever it was to fuck off.  He knew he wouldn't...especially if it were a neighbor using his lot for holiday guests or maybe even a fan that had tracked him down but it was nice to imagine. No...he had an image to uphold and by God, he was going to uphold his responsibility to the public. He walked up the front walk and noticed a women sitting on one of the chairs at the doorway. 

He tried not to get his hopes up as he said her name. "Kate."

Her blue eyes looked directly into his and she gave him a shy timid smile. She picked up a bag California roast from her lap and offered it to him. "I brought coffee."

He wanted to ask her how she knew where to find him...and why she had come. But in the end, he couldn't bring himself to ask anything. He took the small bag of coffee and took her by the hand, leading her to the doorway pausing only long enough to unlock the door. As soon as the door closed, he tossed his keys and the coffee on the foyer table in the dark, never releasing her hand.

He pulled her against him and pressed his lips to hers, running his hands down her back. And she let him...she even pulled him closer by putting her arms around his neck.

"You feel so good," he murmured against her cheek as he unbuttoned her shirt slowly. "God you feel good."

"This isn't a good idea. This is going to ruin everything," she whispered softly against his mouth, needing to say the words if only to have the argument later that she'd said them.

"Let's do it anyway," he said in a husky rasp. "We'll sort it out afterward."

Exactly what she needed to hear apparently because she threw herself into the kiss-limp, stunned and a more than a little bit in love.

Moments later their clothes lay in various places in the house, the product of long and lingering foreplay.

He lay her down gently on his bed never breaking eye contact as he kissed her again, a slow melding kiss that heated her body until her body melted.  Almost reverently and slowly, he pushed himself into her slowly and achingly, each inch almost causing them both physical pain.

"Katie...look at me," he paused as if to be sure she heard and understood the words. "I love you..I've always." She put her finger up to his lips to silence him and she smiled. He pulled his hips back and pressed into her again and this time, she cried out. Nevertaking his brown eyes from hers, keeping her fingers within his, he buried himself in her and began to move,  pushing her with slow, steady strokes until she hovered on the edge of the cliff. This time when she fell over, he followed, holding her hands the whole time. And when they drifted back, he gathered her in his arms, pressed a kiss to her temple and lay with her in the silence that settled over them. Her steady breathing was enough to lull him to into an exhausted slumber and only when she was absolutely sure he was deep asleep did she pull his hand off her waist gently. She pulled herself into a sitting position and looked at his face one more time, memorizing everything about him...his fluttering lashes...his sweet lips....each freckle and mole, every tattoo.  She kissed her fingers and pressed them to his lips softly so that he didn't stir. 

"I love you too Brian," she said quickly. 

She picked up her clothes and walked out of the door.