Commander Clarke

Part 6 - Lecture

Raven POV

It has been two days and as I promised, I got Clarke's radios done. Now all I have to do is find her. After searching almost everywhere, I had an idea where she would be. I walk around for about five minutes before I see her coming out from behind the trees. She sees me and walks toward me. "Hey, were you with Lexa?" I ask and she has a confused look on her face.

"What?" she asks, and I get a little worried.

"Were you visiting Lexa's grave?" I ask again with an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, um, yeah. I haven't visited since I was attacked and just..." I put my hand up to tell her to stop talking.

"It's okay. I get it." I say and see a slight smile as she nods. "So, I got the radios done. They are in my tent because I know you wanted to keep it a secret and didn't want anyone seeing them." I say and she simply nods as we head to my tent. We enter and I turn to her. "So, is there a chance that you can tell me why you needed these?" I ask hoping.

"Raven." she says and tilts her head. I sigh and turn to the table to grab them. I extend my hand to her but quickly retract it.

"You know what? I know you are hurting because of Lexa, but you are pushing everyone away." I say and she looks to the ground. "You aren't even Clarke anymore. Just a few days ago you were acting, normal, but you just keep blocking everyone out. You need to let someone in Clarke, or you are just going to bury yourself." I sigh once again knowing it came out harsher than I meant it to. "Clarke, none of it is your fault." She opened her mouth to argue but I shook my head. "You know this, I know you do. If you keep blaming yourself, then you will never be who you want." I say this time in a lighter tone.

She looks down at the ground again but this time I can see a shadow of a smile. She looks up and now I see the full smile, but also tears in her eyes. She takes a step forward and I don't know how to react. Then she did something that totally shocked me, she hugged me.

"Thank you." she says, and I reached a hand around her. After a couple of seconds, she let go. "And I'm sorry." I look at her confused and she lets a small chuckle escape. "I know I scare you guys. It's just a sort of defense I put up."

"Like a mask." I state and she nods with a smile on her face.

"Raven, thank you for the radios." She says and sticks out her hand. I give them to her, and she smiles once again. "And the lecture. I needed it." She says and makes me smile.

"Any time." I tell her with a laugh.

I didn't really get the info I wanted, but I think I got through to Clarke herself, and that was good enough for now. She turns to leave but stops when she gets to the entrance, turning her head to the side. "Come to my tent in five minutes, alone. I'll explain what I can." She says and I smile as she leaves.

Clarke POV

I get back to my tent and sigh as I sit on my bed. Raven was right, I was pushing everyone away. I hadn't realized how much until she said something. It even got to the point where they are afraid of me. I take a breath and stand as I hear footsteps outside my tent. "Clarke?"

"Come in Raven." I say and she enters. Well, here goes nothing. "You were right Raven. I'm blocking everyone out, and need to let someone in." I say looking her in the eyes. "You also said that I was acting more like 'the old me' a couple of days ago." I say and gulp. "Raven, if you want me to open up, what I tell you can't be known to anyone else." I say and she nods. Her facial expression showing that I had her full attention.

I walk past her and out of my tent, her following. I quickly find Ryder, since he is always close to my tent. "Raven en ai laik going gon a walk. osir beda be back pas sundown" (raven and I are going for a walk. we should be back after sundown) I tell him, and he nods before Raven and I walk towards where I had come from not even an hour ago. After we get into the thick forest, I turn to Raven. "Before we go any further, you need to know what happened the day I went to 'clear my head' I think I said." I say with a smile on my face.