She is the Light

Darkness pervades every facet of my being. The world is like a cruel joke that repeats over and over again on a scratched up record.

Tate, just cut vertically and it will all be over with.

I reached for the blade, bringing the sharp edge to my wrist. I wanted to erase it all. My legs still were shaking and my mind was full of voices.They were screaming at me to help them but I couldn't. How could I help the voices it they were stuck in my head? "JUST GET OUT! GET OUT!" I scream. I hit my palm against my forehead, tears sting down my face. I wipe them a way. I press down harder and little trickles of blood roll down my arm. I told myself I would stop doing this yet dishonesty is the same as honesty now. 

This is what you have to do, Tate. You will finally be free.

I have found Violet. I say her name in the darkness of the basement, staring at my cold breath float across my eyes. She cannot know. Her parents don't understand her. She is too good for them and their messed up lives. They can't control her! Not like my mother tried to control me. Oh, he killed his family just so he could have her. He killed my brother and I am the one who is cast away like I'm some type of mental case. Maybe I am a screw up. I screamed into the silence. My screams are heard by all the other ghosts, there are multitudes of them, but not one comes to comfort me. Nobody came to comfort me in the living world and it is the same in the realm of the dead. She cannot know.

I love her. I love her eternally. She is bound to me by the color of her eyes, by the flush on her cheeks, by all things that make her human.

Just cut vertically and it will all go away-

You have forgotten I am dead. These conversations we have with each other aren't the same anymore now that I'm dead. They mean nothing to me. You hear that?

I'm going slowly crazy without her.

The intervals of time I wait down here, in this cold lifeless room, knowing she is upstairs. Listening to music. My music. I wish I could listen with her. Our faces drawn close and our lips touched. I have never felt the true feeling of love. I was always the weirdo, the freak. They would take pity on me, all of those normal people leading their normal lives.

With Violet, I might finally feel something other than this deadness. Violet.

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I have to meet with Dr. Harmon. He is a terrible man. Violet doesn't deserve him. She deserves me.

"Tate, have you been taking your antidepressants?" No matter how many I take I am still awake.

"You see Dr. Harmon. You know, I like someone."

"You do? Where did you meet?"

"You know her, I think, and I was really worried that if I took some of that medicine my... cock wouldn't work on her, your daughter." She is standing behind me in the doorway. Did she hear me? She must have. I had met her before. I told her to cut vertically like the voices have always told me. But maybe that was a dream too.

"Get out! I don't want you here ever again. I will write you a recommendation to be transferred to another doctor." He's so blind. I want to laugh and scream and tell him, I'M DEAD, but I'll have him pity me instead. It's not like I can actually leave this place.

"But, Mr. Harmon...I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. Please, my mother can't afford anyone else."

"Your mother is perfectly capable. Listen, don't ever come here again and do not ever lay a finger on Violet."

"Dr. Harmon!"

"Go!"

"You're not listening to me! Dr. Harmon, please!"