Virtual Reality ✔

Fear

When I opened the door to leave, I spared one last glance to Duncan. He still sat on the bench, looking at the ground with a face full of emotions I couldn't read. There was a small pang in my chest when he didn't get up and come after me. Soon enough, I knew that what I'd hoped for was completely unrealistic. The pang in my chest soon transformed into regret, but I couldn't bring myself to go back in there and apologize. Yet, I also couldn't bring myself to go back to our flat.

Looking around, I saw a bench nearby and walked to it. The metal arms were cool under my skin, despite it being summer. It was the climate we lived in, I concluded. Summer had hardly even started and it as getting cooler. The green grass and leaves on the trees almost looked too cheerful, I envied their inability to understand and feel.

Parker left the building a few minutes later, looking around. He was about to start walking forward until he saw me, he turned and approached me carefully. "What happened between you and Duncan?" he asked almost too suddenly as he sat next to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, as if I hadn't known. I refused to look him in the eye and decided to study the all too cheerful leaves in the trees.

"You and him were talking, then suddenly you leave and he's upset. I come out here and find you sulking just like him. It doesn't take a genius to know that something happened. From my own experience, talking about things can help you to feel better," he explained. I couldn't help but have a painful flashback to when Duncan told Parker, from his own 'personal experience' might I add, that it was helpful to stand up to your bullies.

"What is your experience? I mean, you don't have to tell me... I was just wondering. Everybody here seems to have a story." I expected him to react like I had earlier, or at least like he had done before. Last time he felt obligated to tell me about his past, but when I'd released the pressure he felt to tell me he shut up. He never got so close to telling me anything personal since then, and because he hadn't closed himself off from me immediately, I had hope.

"It's okay, I'm going to be straightforward, no beating around the bush," he said and looked around, probably to be sure there weren't any cameras. "I suffer from depression, don't tell anybody."

I furrowed my eyebrows."I won't but... how'd you get accepted?" I asked. Before we were allowed to apply, we'd had to read a bunch of rules. I remembered that you weren't allowed to have things like depression. Knowing Parker, he had definitely read the rules and was well aware of the fact.

"I know, I know. It's lying and against the rules, but as I said before; I didn't think I'd get accepted. When I was invited to the callbacks, I talked to my therapist. She okayed me to go if I got accepted, but she knew if I went I couldn't bring my medicine. The stuff that keeps my depression in check, otherwise I'd be found out. I wasn't sure if I could do it then, but she told me she trusted I could do without them. So I came, and Grace?" he asked after his long story.

"Yeah?" I replied, starting to momentarily forget my issues.

"I denied having depression until my mom made me go to my therapist, and she diagnosed me with it. Being able to talk to her about my issues really helped me, I think you should talk to me about whatever happened between you and Duncan," he suggested.

"Why would you want to help me? All I've done for you is intrude and make things worse for you," I said to him. I started thinking again about myself, about how he'd told me he hadn't wanted me stepping in on his business. I was conflicted when I started thinking about the time I did leave him alone, and how mad he was at me for not sticking up for him.

"No matter how much I've told you I didn't want your help, don't stop. I've needed you, when I spent those nights awake I was pondering whether or not to give up. Just your initial faith in me, and your continuation of our friendship, helped me to stay," he explained to me.