Hostage

Nightmares

Guys, Jerome is back and I'm so excited! Unfortunately, I live in South Africa and we're only on episode 6... So now I have to wait. Ugh. Please don't hesitate to comment, I love getting feedback! 😊

My mouth opens and closes, but no sound comes out. I scramble to think of an appropriate response...but there isn't one...because a situation like this has never existed before. Jerome laughs, "Now gorgeous, as much as I'm enjoying myself, would you mind getting up so I can move again?" I quickly sit up, still silent and red-faced. Jerome continues to chuckle as he goes into the bathroom. I bury my face in my hands. This whole situation is so confusing. What the hell is happening to me? Why's he acting like this?

Thankfully the awkwardness subsides at breakfast, at least my awkwardness, Jerome seems quite pleased with himself. He informs everyone I'll need clothes and asks Tabitha to go shopping. Barbra immediately brightens at the thought of shopping; before sulking when she's told she can't go, since she's a wanted woman. Then she gets excited again when Tabitha tells her they can go online and she can choose everything, and Tabitha will just go pick it up. Jerome and I have gotten bored of constant TV and magazines, so now we're onto card and board games. Where he found them, I haven't got a clue. They don't seem like the type of thing to be lying around a criminal hub; I was expecting something more along the lines of weapons or stacks of money. Anyway, we're currently on Blackjack and although I haven't got a clue what I'm doing, apparently I'm winning. Jerome's getting more irritated by the second. He keeps grinding his teeth and muttering darkly to himself, just as he's about to throw his cards down I speak up. "Jerome calm down would you, it's just a game," I say with a quirked eyebrow. I'm becoming more and more comfortable around him. I try to remind myself that I should be scared and to not just say whatever I want, but that's recently hard to do. He freezes for a second, debating how to respond, before he smiles. "Sorry doll, you're right. Let me go grab us something to eat then we can play another game."
I'm still wary about being left alone after last time, so I press my back further into the couch and scan the room. I jump as Theo steps out from the doorway, scrutinizing me. "How did you do that?" He questions. "Do what?"
"Calm him down. None of us have been able to. And he doesn't usually listen to our suggestions either." I shrug because I don't know myself. "Interesting," he says as he leaves, throwing one last look at me over his shoulder.

After lunch Jerome returns to the room with shopping bags. My clothes have arrived. I rifle through Tabitha's bags: T-shirts, jeans, underwear, sweaters. They seemed to have guessed my size right. All plain but high quality. Basically, rich people stuff. I don't want to know if it's stolen or not because that would make me feel guilty for liking it. And underneath the practical stuff...What? Jerome sees my frown and asks what's wrong. "Where exactly do Barbra and Tabitha think I'm going?" I ask holding up the full-sequined black mini dress. (Picture Harley's club dress from suicide squad guys, but without all the gold)  He smirks at me, "I don't know, but I think you'd look great." Embarrassed yet a bit flattered, I offer him a small smile and shake my head before going through the rest of the clothes. Again we have practical sneakers and boots...then a pair of black stilettos. Again, where am I supposed to be wearing these? Barbra and Tabitha really went to town. I even have some makeup, scarves, jewelry and beanies. I suspect the excess items are due to their own love of shopping rather than out of kindness for me. Either way, I'm not complaining. I select some black jeans and a dark green sweater before heading to the bathroom to finally strip off these old clothes. When I get back Jerome's by the cupboard, shuffling some things around. "Here, I cleared some space for you," he says shortly. I walk over to see two empty shelves. "Thank you," I say smiling up at him. He allows a small smile back. Although it still doesn't make sense to me, I seem to be getting more used to his small kindnesses and he seems to be getting more used to my thank-you's. I've been thinking about that lately. At first I thought he was shocked at my gratitude because I his hostage and I should be terrified or furious, etc. But now I'm starting to think that maybe he's just not used to being thanked.

The rest of the day passes without anything interesting happening. Then it's bed-time. Dear gosh, these pyjamas the girls bought me are tight and itchy. I grimace as I come out the bathroom, upset that I'm stuck in these after Jerome's clothes were so comfy. "What now?" he laughs at my obvious discomfort. "It's these fricking pyjamas! They're too tight and so itchy! I'll never get any sleep," I mutter darkly. "So just keep using mine," he offers. "Thank goodness!" I exclaim and turn to head back to the bathroom before I think I hear Jerome speak. "What was that?" "Nothing," he answers. I'm not sure, but it sounded a lot like, "I like you better in mine anyway."
Once I'm in bed I realize the truth. It's too cold to sleep without extra warmth... Before I speak I try to rationalize it: it's cold and I'll only sleep if I'm warm; plus I don't want to irritate Jerome by shuffling around; and finally even if we fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed we might still end up together unconsciously. And you want him to hold you a small voice adds. No! Shut up! I'm cold, that's all.
"Hey, Jerome?" the uncertainty is clear in my voice, "it's cold tonight. Do you think, that maybe.. well, I could sleep close to you again?" I say choosing my words with care. Not "can I sleep with you?" Which sounds incredibly suggestive. Not "can I sleep pressed up against you?" I have to make it sound casual.
He chuckles, "Come here. Do you think I want to sleep in the cold again after last night?" I shuffle over and he wraps his arms around me so I'm resting on his chest again.
I'm not sure what possesses me to do it, maybe I want to show him all these small acts of kindness mean a lot to me, but I  stretch up and kiss his cheek, "Thank you Jerome." He freezes, looking as bewildered as I feel. But he's obviously not angry because I fall asleep with him running his fingers through my hair.

I awake in the dark with Jerome tossing around and mumbling. "No, no...not again... Please,stop" he gasps and whimpers. My heart twists in my chest. He's scared.
I have to wake him up without startling him. Slowly and gently I run my hand along his arm, "Hey Jerome, hey, wake up...J, you're having a nightmare," I whisper softly. His eyes shoot open and look at me in alarm. "Hey, it's okay. You were just having a nightmare," I soothe.
It isn't okay. He's shaking. Now I'm the one to say, "Come here".
I open my arms and guide his head onto my chest, wrap my arms around him and began to rock him gently. I feel pinpricks of heat land on my skin and drip down. Oh gosh, he's crying! I can't quite believe it. I really thought the scared-boy was just an act, but it looks like it's a part of him too. "It's just you and me, Jerome. You're fine. You're safe. It was all in your head," I murmur. When he eventually lifts his head to face me I bring my hands to his cheeks and wipe away the last of the tears.
"You probably want to know what that was about huh?"he manages to scratch out.
"It's none of my business. But if you want to talk I'm here to listen."
What he tells me makes me angry. How could a person do that to their own son? The beatings, the verbal abuse. It's horrifying.
Jerome runs a hand through his hair, looking uncomfortable. "Nobody's ever seen me like that before. You can't tell anyone!" he hisses out looking at me through narrowed eyes. Angry at appearing vulnerable and realizing what he's admitted.
I look him in the eyes  and rest my hands on his shoulders, "I'm not going to Jerome. I won't say anything to anyone," I try to convey how serious I am. "Do you want to go back to sleep? Or we could stay up?" I ask. He stares at me longer, assessing if I'm trustworthy or not before sighing. "I don't think I could sleep right now doll. But don't let me keep you. I'll just put on the TV quietly." I notice he holds me tighter to him than before as we settle down, like he's afraid I'll disappear.