Jiraiya's Second Chance

Jiraiya's Doubts

Jiraiya stood hesitant at the front of their house.  It's your house dammit why are you afraid to step in?  He said to himself.

I guess somehow he knew that he did something wrong that morning. Very wrong. But why is he afraid of Aikiko?  What can that woman do to him? Throw him some kunais? If he wasn't too drunk that morning he probably could have thought of some ways to stop the commotion and would not have allowed it to spiral to almost harassment of his wife... His wife.

Aikiko is his wife.  The woman has done him no wrong since they return to Konoha but he is as suspicious of her as if she is an enemy spy.   He didn't mean to subject her to public shame and scrutiny though, but by his careless comments and now by him not doing anything he has subjected her to public humiliation and perhaps more.

He saw her run with her arm clutch to her stomach and her hand to her mouth. And saw her bumped and stumbled as she tried to escape the crowd. A part of him wanted to run after her to see if she was alright but another part of him wondered what for and why he should even care.

That picture burned in his head the whole day. Not even his favorite sake can remove the image. And not even the bodies of women surrounding him can distract him from that fleeing image of his wife.  She looked so small and so vulnerable as she scampered away.  He shooked his head to get the image out.

And now, he is almost scared to face her.  Not scared but maybe more ashamed, ashamed of himself..

I did no wrong!  She is the one who wanted this life... this sham... He tried to convince himself.

He opened the door and was almost expecting a punch on the face or maybe a flying pot on his way.

But the house was quiet.

The light in the kitchen was on and when he stepped in he saw a still hot kettle for tea ready and some food set and covered on table.

She cooked dinner for me as usual but where is she? He felt almost afraid that she has left him but immediately he wondered why he would be.

He opened the bedroom door and saw her sleeping.

He listened to her heartbeat to determine if she is faking sleep.

Her heartbeat was calm and steady. She is asleep.   Jiraiya quietly came close and looked at her face. There were some tears streak by her cheeks but otherwise she seemed to be sleeping peacefully and even with a little smile which puzzled him...

He looked at her and wondered what she really wants. What's all this marriage business about?  It's been two months now and still he can't tell.

Sometimes he wanted to believe that maybe she really just wants him to be her husband... And then doubts will come and his suspicions will come. No woman has ever chosen to be with him before. He was a little too uncool for their taste... A little too loud.. Perverted.. Coarse. Too old...

He looked at his wife. She looked young but not that young. She is beautiful in a way but not like Tsunade.  Tsunade is confident and strong, knowing she came from noble blood and has carried herself with confidence and sometimes with violence.  Aikiko is more like the meek one almost like the hyuga heiress. Her frame was tiny and she almost looked fragile...She is always smiling whether she is truly happy or even when she is hurt. But on good days, he will see her walking with her head high and her gait graceful almost like a royalty.

Jiraiya can tell by now.  Her eyes turn brilliant blue when she is excited or truly happy or hopeful. But then it turns like ice... Glaze light blue almost white when she is sad, hurt, or disappointed, as if her very soul was dead or dying... He is seeing a lot of that glaze icy blue lately.

And sadly sometimes he knows he was the reason for that sadness..

He didn't want to think much about their situation.  In any case it has some good for both of them. She has a home now and he provides for her financially.  He now can have his manly needs met without the shame of buying the privilege from women of the night.

He took off his clothes and lay down on his side of the bed. He heard her murmur and cry. She is having a nightmare again and she rolled herself tightly in a protective fetal position...  He would wake up some night once the alcohol ease out and he would find her like that. And in that moment, he let his tender side win over.  And he will call her name and say.. Aikiko.. It's alright, everything is alright I'm here and he will moved her body to be close to his as he circle a protective arm around her.

Then Aikiko will find her place on his shoulder and will wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.  He will continue telling her it's alright while rubbing her arms to calm her down and then the nightmare will seem to stop and her normal breathing will come back.

Tonight.. He did the same thing again but this time he felt her tremble and sob..

Please... Please.. She murmurs.. It hurts..

And then it stops. Just some whimpers and then she was sleeping peacefully again. 

Jiraiya just stare in the ceiling wondering what it was all about... Sometimes he feels protective of her but most time he just feel doubts. He wishes he knows better what to do but if he is honest he is afraid to become too attach with this woman that's why he avoids her. Yes, if he is honest that is the reason why he keeps her at arm's length. He just can't deal with being hurt when finally it will all be revealed as a sham.. For this is what it all is.. This marriage is a sham...it is too good to be real.. Too good to have someone like her loved him... He scoffed at the thought bitterly.

But just for tonight.. He wanted to pretend it is real as he hug her tightly and help her fight through her nightmares.

The following day, Jiraiya woke up by himself. He saw a little folded note with a very feminine handwriting.

Jiraiya sama.. I prepared breakfast for you so please just help yourself in the kitchen. Today is my first day to work at Sakura's embroidery at the market. I'm sorry I wasn't able to wait for you to wake up I have to be there by 8.  I'll be home after 3 and will have dinner ready for you if you are coming home. There are some food for lunch in the fridge too if you decide to rest and stay home today. See you later. - aikiko

She found a job? Whatever for? Jiraiya wonders..