Forming Anastasia

Anastasia

The tall,thin,tan brunette walks through the door. My dad standing behind her with a hand on her back. His shirt tucked in and hair brushed back. Her purple dress short and revealing. She stands up straight and looks around with a disapproving face. I watch as the walk in from the stairwell.
My feelings still torn from my earlier encounter with a guy who seemed to not care, and a guy who I may never see again. I give a sarcastic laugh as I watch my dad walk her to the living room. I stand there unnoticed and quiet. I walk down the stairs and into the living room. Johnston standing in the kitchen, his face flushed and palms sweaty.
"What's with you?" I ask now standing with him. We gaze into the living room watching our father graze his hands over almost every uncovered part of her body. I cross my arms over my blue dress.
"This isn't right,Annie. Mom would've never moved on." Johnston whispers not breaking his gaze at the couple. I pull him behind the wall and stare into his eyes.
"We don't know that. And we'll never find out. But for now, suck it up, go in there, act like this doesn't hurt, and end the night with that." I say walking around him. Johnston takes a dee breath in shock and follows me. I walk into the living room causing more noise than needed to acknowledge our entrance. Dad jumps up with red lip gloss smeared around his mouth.
"Kids!" He says.
I moved my hand around my mouth "dad" I say. He wipes a hand across his face only smearing it more. The woman stands up and faces us with a plaster smile.
"Natalie, this is Annie and Johnston."
She turns to my dad and whispers "I thought it was supposed to just be the girl." She returns to her original botoxed smile.
"We're kinda a packaged deal." I reply with an attitude. I smile back. Johnston and I walk to the couch across from them. I smooth my dress over my legs and look at her. My dad's arm clung around her and her dress now tighter than before. Johnston gives me a look and rolls his eyes.
"So what do you do?" I ask. Natalie crosses her left leg over her right.
"I'm a desk clerk at Clarkson&Maddie's law office." She says.
I nod.
Natalie sits up stiffer as if she's uncomfortable. That made two of us. My mind races back to the conversation I'd had with Amberly. How upset she was about the whole ordeal. Everything. My eyes well up with tears. The pain was finally hitting me. I push them back by blinking over and over. How much my life and my family's life had jumbled up. How Pratt hadn't even explained. I sit up and take a deep breath.
    "Do you love him?" I ask Natalie. Her eyes widen. My dad looks sternly at me. My gaze never breaks from hers. She shifts around.
   "I guess.... yes. Yes I do." She says. My dad grins at her. I stand up and look at them.
"That's all I need to know." I say smoothing my dress once again. I walk to the front door. My dad follows me.
"Annie, what's wrong? Where are you going?"
    I slide my shoes on.
"I need your truck." I say softly.
"Annie. Where are you going?"
"I need your truck."
"Annie Anastasia where are you going?" He stays breathing heavily.
    I stop with my eyes red and heavy. I breath in and out and look at him.
"Dad, I loved him. I need to know. So please, can I borrow your truck?" I say shakily.
    He slams the keys in my hand.
"Be careful." I run outside and into the truck.
    The engine flares up. I drive to the ledge where Pratt and I had spent most of our time. Expecting he'd be there. He wasn't. I step out and throw my hands on my hips. Breathing even heavier.
     The thoughts of "I can't do this anymore" run through my head several times. I look out at the mountain rocks and get back in the truck. I fly down the dirt road to his house. I stop in the driveway and look at the small tan house. I see a figure standing outside. He was standing staring at the open field. Now the sky was covered in stars and the air cool.
   I step out of the truck and slam the door. I walk to the man standing outside. It was his foster brother. He looks at me in shock. I slow my pace and hold back my tears.
    "Annie right?" He asks looking back at the field.
   "I...is Pratt home?" I ask.
"You know he really loved you." He says.
"Loved?" I ask
"I guess love... he's been through a lot you know." He says stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"So that gives him a right treat people like shit?" I say quickly.
   He jumps. And turns to me. My breathing gets heavier and my eyes sting with tears.
"He's in the barn."
    I stare him long until I turn to the barn. I run heavily and my dress flies around my legs. I walk in and see Pratt sitting on a bail of hay. He looks up and wipes his face off with his sleeve. I stand in the door way and look at him.
   "What are you doin' here?" He asks standing up. I walk in and lean against a stall door. I hadn't even thought of what I wanted to say. My heart ached and my head spinning.
   "Why?" I ask plainly. He looks ahead at a horses head sticking out of the door.
   "I don't know. It was just in the moment I guess." He says looking at his feet.
    "So in the moment, you decided to dump me with now explanation, use such cold words, and hurt me so bad? All just because you had a feeling in that moment."
   He nods and looks up.
"So what are you feeling in this moment, Pratt? Because in this moment I feel pretty damn stupid for falling in love with you."
   He looks up at me and sheds a tear.
"I was scared. Annie, I've done this before. I've fell in love and I've lost her." He says.
   "Pratt, that's life. We lose people we love, we hurt and we move on. We both have been through a lot but what you did today was plain wrong."
   "I agree." He says. Rain starts pouring down. The rain seeps in through the unpatched roof. My curled hair was going flat and my new dress soaked. I didn't care. I turn to leave.
   "Annie, I did love you. I do love you." I turn around.
  "Yeah" I say taking a heavy breath. My heart pounding out of my chest. As much as part of me wanted to save this the other part of me was done. I'd finally realized that all my life I've kept myself in situations that were killing me. I'm not going to do it anymore.
"You loved me a whole hell of a lot." I say turning back to the opened barn doorway. I take another breath and walk to the truck. I don't look back to see what Pratt is doing. The truth was, I didn't care. I was ready to be happy. Pratt wasn't my road to happiness. He had his own issues and the truth was, he couldn't love anyone until he loved himself. And the same for me.

****
I walk to the same patch of water I'd met the blonde boy at the day before. I graze my feet over the water refusing to allow my mind to slide through the past few days. The water ripples across to the other side of the land. The rocks slippery as I slide my foot off of them. Just as I stand up to leave he walks behind me.
"Am I late?" He asks. He holds up to poles and the same brown bait box. He was wearing the same raggedy jeans as the day before. No shirt and no shoes. He was surprisingly built. I pull my eyes away from his built arms and look at the water.
"A little." I reply. I sit back down. The sun now mourning my shoulders. My green tank top was now seeming to be a bad decision. I grab one of the poles from him as he sits down. I pick a worm and stick it on the hook dropping it into the water. He pulls on his jeans and drops his like into the water. His shoulders were red from the sun and his face shielded by his hat.
"Markson" he says. I look at him and raise an eye brow. He reaches his hand out. I question myself as to what I wanted to say. I could say Annie, the girl who had had a life of heartbreak, doesn't know where I'm going from here, or I could be Anastasia. The girl who didn't care, didn't fall in love as easily and didn't agree with all of the rules of everything from dating, to family, to life in general.
I narrow my eyes to his hand and meet mine with his.
"Anastasia" I reply. He smiles. My new life, was just beginning.