BASIC TOILETIQUETTTE
Because surviving school is one thing, but surviving the school bathroom is quite another altogether.
1. Flush the toilet after you use it. ALWAYS. Nobody wants to use a smelly toilet or see the stinker you just dumped (Hehe. Geddit?) in there. Yeesh! What, were you raised in the wild?!
2. If the restroom is haunted (and let's face it, most school bathrooms are), it's okay to go lemming.
Bring a pal with you. Ask him to keep talking to you through the cubicle wall. But we draw the line at asking him to hold your hand through the door gap. That's just wierd, dude.
3. Contrary to popular belief, the bathroom walls dont really double as a notepad. If you simply must write something while you're in there---a lovely poem, a grocery list, the solution to a math
equation---might we suggest a Post-it? That way, the kind janitor won't have a hard time getting it off the wall.
4. Don't touch the toilet bowl! Someone could've already used it!
5. Wash your hands. Because germs, man. Because germs
HOW TO STAY AWAKE DURING CLASS
1. Instead of taking notes (you can Google the lesson later anyways), why don't you write an essay or a poem on how boring the class is?
2. Time how long it takes for your teacher to blink. Try to beat his/her record.
3. Try scrawling your notes with your non-dominant hand. (Ex. If you're a leftie, use your right hand, vice versa.)
4. Invent a "no sleep gadget" and place it on top of your desk.
HOW TO AVOID GETTING CALLED
1. Instead of just looking at the floor hoping you won't hear your name called, pretend to be scribbling down notes. The teach wouldn't wanna disrupt your meticulous note-taking now, would she?
2. If you do get called, don't look like a deer in headlights (read: wide-eyed, not moving, and obvs panicking). Stand up and say, "Sorry, Ma'am can you please repeat the question? I didn't catch it cause I was busy taking notes. Smooth save,bro
3. DON'T avoid eye contact. It sounds crazy but it works (sometimes) because most teachers pick the students who look really nervous! But don't look too eager either---just look like you've got everything under control.
HOW TO AVOID P.E CLASS
1. Pretend you have diarrhea. Just hold your tummy and look like you're about poo any moment. No way will the P.E teacher risk having you soil your pants in the middle of an activity. He might even send you to the clinic!
2. Papier mâché your arm and pretend it's broken. You can ask your BFFs to play along with your charade; they can say they saw how your arm got broken---just make sure the story is consistent!
3. Don't bring your P.E uniform. Your teacher will have no choice but to bench you for the rest of the period.
HOW TO REALLY USE YOUR SCHOOL TOOLS
1.Pencils
The numbers on your pencils indicate the hardness and darkness of the graphite they contain. (Your pencils don't actually contain lead. #mindblown) This is why you use No.2 pencils for exams
cos the pencil lead is dark enough for the computer to read but not so soft---like a No.1 pencil---that
your answers could smudge easily. For a very light pencil line, use a No.3 pencil. (Yep, they exist!)
2. Red Ballpoint pens
Use your red ball pens to highlight important words or ideas in your notes. They'll be easier to spot when you're reviewing your lessons.
3. Magic tape
Label your stuff with magic tape instead of writing directly on your folders so you can reuse them next school year!
4. Sticky notes
Sticky notes can also be used as an a) a bookmark for all the important pages you need to read for that final exam; b) a keyboard cleaner---use the sticky edge to pick up the dirt between the keys; and c) to create a flipbook when class gets a little b-o-r-i-n-g.
5. Non-sticky putty
Need to put that ridiculously awesome poster of the Avengers in your locker but you're not allowed to use tape? Use non-sticky putt! It also doubles as an eraser. Genius!
THE UNWRITTEN RULES OF SCHOOL
1. Do not look a school bully straight in the eye. You'll only agitate the caveman. Keep it cool whenever he's around.
2. Only lend old pencils and ball pens to your classmates. That way, you won't feel too bad when they lose them---wich, you gotta admit, happens... A LOT.
3. Wear a jacket when you're inside an air-conditioned classroom so you won't catch a cold.
