Drama Performance Scripts

Trio: The Witwicky Family

Judy Witwicky: [barging into Sam's bedroom, her husband in tow] Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?

Ron Witwicky: Judy...
Sam Witwicky: [frantic] Was I master... No, Mom!

Ron Witwicky: Zip it, okay?

Judy Witwicky: It's okay...

Sam Witwicky: No, I don't masturbate!

Ron Witwicky: That's not something for you to bring up.

Judy Witwicky: Okay.

Ron Witwicky: That's a father-and-son thing, okay?

Sam Witwicky: Father-son thing...

Judy Witwicky: I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable... you can call it Sam's happy time or...

Sam Witwicky: [amazed] Happy time?

Judy Witwicky: ...my special alone time...

Ron Witwicky: Judy, stop!

Judy Witwicky: ...with myself.

Sam Witwicky: Mom, you can't come in and...

Judy Witwicky: I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.