3/6/12- Seemed like just an ordinary day. Went to all my classes and was fine. After 3rd period I go to Ms. Toney's for lunch with my friends Ivette, and Tierra. Seemed totally normal. Wrong! After "lunch" the students came in, sat down and began bellwork and planner. I grabbed my bookbag and went to my new assigned seat. I sat down to see Nalisha staring at Natalie like she was crazy! Natalie's head was pressed against the table and she was starring at her wrist. Her other hand was moving very swiftly. I knew exactly what she was doing. "Are you cutting yourself?!" I asked. She didn't answer. Still, Nalisha was looking as if she seen a ghost. By that time, I knew something was wrong. I got up and got down on the side of her.. It was happening.....
She didn't answer my question. I finally knew why. She had been scratching herself. I begged her to stop. "Please, Nat. It's okay! Please, it's not good for you! NO, stop... please?" by that time, I was crying as was she. Now, there was blood. I knew if I didn't do something fast, something was bound to happen. Something BAD. I got up, rubbed her back, and walked to Ms. Toney. Before I left, I whispered "Sorry..." Because I had to tell. I walked towards Ms. Toney with my hands out, shaking. She asked what's wrong. I got closer and whispered "She's .. cutting herself... Natalie..." Ms. Toney ran towards her. I was demanded to get a dean, or someone else for help. I started crying even more. I went out side and sat on the floor. I couldn't move, I didn't want to move. Johara came out and jestured me toward her. I got up, and we sprung into action.
We ran to the 6th grade office and tried asking for somebody, anybody to help us. They looked at us like we were crazy. They called somebody and we went back. I came into the hallway and my friends Nalisha, Delena, and Marissa were crying outside of the room. "Wait, what happened?!?!" I asked. They pointed into the room. I stepped inside. I saw Ms. Toney on the floor with Natalie in her arms. Trying to keep her from hurting herself. I had caused this. I didn't act fast enough. It was all my fault. I knew I should have said something before begging her to stop! I felt like shit. I cried out "Oh my gosh, this is all my fault.. All my fault" they tried to convince me that I had done nothing wrong, I was the so called "hero". I didn't feel like a hero. I ran to the bathroom, with everyone following me. "you are an amazing person, you helped that girl. you saved her life" I heard. I wiped my tears and left..
Our class had been directed to go outside in the courtyard. Myself and my friends sat seperate from everyone else. "I hope you know that you did an amazing job. you saved her. stop beating yourself up about it. you did a good thing" Ms. toney said. I honestly, didn't want to hear that. I messed up somebody's life. They probably hate me now. Why or how could I be proud of myself for that?! I held my head down in shame. I hated myself for not helping that poor girl.
Now, we had been directed to the feilds outside.. Ms. toney told us that if we stand on the earth, with our socks on, it calms us or something? I took my shoes off, held my friends hands' and we began to pray. I prayed that Natalie wouldn't hate me, that she'd be my friend again, and that she'd stop hurting herself.. I really want her to be my friend again.. I was trying to "help." And now, I don't even know when she's coming back, if she's coming back or where the hell she is.
Hoping for the best,
Melinda ..
