MiniZerk - You Could Follow Your Heart

Chapter 8

There was little left of Madden and Simon's sex life due to the incident (which Simon had banned him from ever bringing up).

Simon just didn't feel like it. Sex wasn't something that he was interested in. The first time he voiced that, he was certain that Madden would break up with him on the spot, but he didn't. He told Simon that he loved him, and that he completely understood.

And, to tell the truth, Simon didn't know what he ever did to deserve such a caring boyfriend. Maybe he was delusional to the concept of another human being treating him with any sort of decency, post-Josh.

He was beginning to wonder if he had just been used that whole time. It seemed silly to think that Josh of all people would ever do that to him, but Simon was having trouble thinking of another explanation. All sex and no compassion, it probably didn't mean much of anything.

He and Josh were not on speaking terms anymore. They barely even looked at each other when they passed by, and it was becoming so tense and awkward that Simon considered moving out. Madden had made it crystal clear that Simon was welcome at his home.

Another thing that Simon was considering was slowing down his video production. He was prideful of the fact that he had never missed an upload, but it was becoming a lot to keep up with considering everything happening in his personal life. He was lucky that he had enough prerecorded videos to last him his stay in the hospital, but the day he was released, he was right back to work. Madden didn't think it was entirely healthy, and Simon had to agree.

On top of that, he felt as though he owed his viewers a little bit of an explanation.

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"Hey guys. As you can probably tell by my appearance, and the title of this video, today is going to be a serious one. I usually don't do this kind of thing of my channel, but some of you have been catching on that my mood has not been upbeat or happy, and to tell you the truth, I'm the farthest thing from it right now.

"I don't want any of you guys to be seriously worried about me or anything like that. I am an adult who can take care of himself, after all...but some shit has been happening in my personal life recently. YouTube is a hobby for me, but it's also what pays my bills now. I know it's important to keep your baggage away from your job, but it's not something I can help when it's affecting me the way it is, and I couldn't leave you guys hanging.

"I can't go into many details besides what I'm going to tell you. It really is completely personal and some of it I haven't even discussed with my family. It's a whole stream of complicated things that's hard for me to talk about.

"I guess what i really need to say is...I'm gay. Yep. That's Simon's big announcement. I don't know how the majority of you are going to perceive this, but...I am, and it's something you guys deserve to know about me. Some of you may be going through a hard time with your own sexuality, and I want you to know that that's okay. I wish I had some outstanding advice to give, or an exciting story about pride and bravery, and I just don't.

Maybe one day I can tell you all the candid details, but for now I can assure you that my story is not brave, and neither am I. Videos might slow down for awhile, and I apologize for that - but anyone going through something similar will understand how hard it can be just to get yourself up out of bed. I have a few pre recorded videos left, but other than that...I'm sorry."

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The night that Simon posted his video, Josh came into his room, his eyes looking dark and sunken in. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"I just watched your video...I'm sorry that all this had to happen."

Simon lay in his bed, his laptop cracked upon and perched on his stomach as he typed away at the keyboard with his slender fingers. His eyes were even darker and he truly hadn't slept in several days.

"Thanks, I guess..." he murmured, shutting off his laptop and curling up his legs so that Josh had room to sit down. "How have you been?"

Josh pursed his lips, playing with the hem of his black shirt. "Um...I'm okay, I guess. Freya and I broke up last night."

Simon's eyes widened, for this had been the last thing he expected Josh to say. "What do you mean? I thought you guys were engaged now...?"

"We were. We called it off last night. I just...I'm not into her like I used to be. I don't know what happened."

Stunned, Simon didn't dare utter a word. He never expected Josh and Freya to break up. He was certain that they'd get married in the summer and maybe pop out a few kids at some stage. Apparently not.

"Huh...well, I'm sorry, mate. That sucks."

"...i suppose so."