"how about a friend?"

Comfort

You never fail.

Her head was pounding. Hard. Beads of sweat trickled down her forehead and onto her trembling fingers.

Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red.

Red. All she sees is red. Red on red on red.

This is who you are.

An assassin. A killer.

Forever red.

She hears voices calling her name. Again and again.  The spinning of her head slowed down and she jolted awake, her head hitting the metal interior of the quinjet with a loud thud.

"Nat, are you okay?" Steve asked her as he approached her and kneeled in front of her, his eyes the same level with hers.

It hurts. Her head hurts. She squeezed her eyes shut and opened it again.

"Always," she forced a smile and stepped up, trying not to stumble but miserably fails as Steve caught her in his arms.

Pushing his arms away from her she stumbled on, squeezing her eyes shut once more, "I'm fine, Rogers," she answered coldly.

---
She saw it coming. She knew this day would happen sooner or later. Ivan needs to be terminated and she'll be the one to do it. She has her friends alongside her to help, but that doesn't remove all the flashbacks flooding her memory.

She remembered everything. The tundra. The hospital fire. The orphans. Her victims she murdered in cold blood. It's your fault, she told herself over and over again.

Suddenly the world around her was just a blur, she was drowning in guilt. All those things she did, her ledger's gushing red. She couldn't help but feel extremely guilty for the things she has done.

---

"Where's Nat?" Steve asked Sam as everybody gathered for dinner.

"In her room, sleeping," he replied.

"Sleeping? At this hour?" Steve asked confused. Natasha doesn't take naps and neither is Natasha lazy.

"I'm gonna go check on her," he said. Clint approached him with a tray of meal and stopped him.

"Cap, she's just shook with our last mission. You should leave her alone first, Wanda will try to talk to her," Clint suggested. Steve sighed

"Is this for her?"

"Yea."

"Let me bring it for her," Steve offered but Clint was obviously hesitant, "please."

---

A knock on the door left her unfazed in her position, legs brought close to her chest and her back against the headboard.  Steve quietly entered the dimly lit room and placed the tray of food on the bedside table.

"Hey," he said in a tone just above a whisper, and she shook a bit in surprise and looked away from the invisible spot on the wall she fixed her eyes on.

"Are you okay?" he asked her again, but she stayed quiet. He sat beside her on the bed and reached out to hold her hands that laid on top of her knee.

He gave it a light squeeze and said,"you know you can tell me anything."

She looked away and stayed silent.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong, Nat? Was it about just now?" with his other hand he took her face in his hands and made her look at him.

"I remembered everything they did to me,"she said calmly but her eyes were blank, unfocused.

"There were dozens of us. All girls, all young. They let us be friends. Then they dropped us in the tundra, two weeks walk from home, with just enough supplies for one of us to survive," she explained.

"Natasha, you were forced to do-"

"Still, I let my friends die in a frozen dessert just so I could survive. What kind of monster does that to her friends?" she argued.

"No, Nat. You're not a monster, don't you ever call yourself one," Steve insisted.

"You don't understand," she sobbed,"you don't know how many people I've killed with my own hands," she looked away from him.

"He made you do it, Nat. You were forced to do it. It's not your fault," he scooted over closer towards her and rubbed her hands with his thumb.

"It's me, it's all me," she said and another tear escaped.

"Bullshit. He made you do it, Nat. You know that. I know you, I've seen you fight for what's right and for what's good before. I've seen you become a hero to many," he started his rant,"maybe you did horrible stuff in your past, but that's in the past. Look what you've done now, Nat. You've made this world a safer place. I couldn't think of any adjective suitable enough to describe how brave and strong you are."

She looked at his orbs of ocean blue,"It's not your fault, Nat. I don't want you to be feeling bad about anything or about yourself. Anyone who makes the person I love feel like shit is going to face me," he said and Nat smiled a little at his words. "Cheer up, Nat. It's not your fault, it will never be. He's gone now, there's nothing to worry about."

He pulled her into a hug as he stroke her head and played with her red strands hair, "Did you just say 'the person I love'?" She smirked as she buried her face at the crook of his neck.

"Yeah, why?"

"Nothing. I just love the sound of it," she smiled.

"Well then I'm gonna say it every day if you want me to,"he chuckled and pulled away.

"Come on sit up straight, you'll need to eat dinner," he ordered her to sit up.

"What? Here?" Natasha asked confusedly as Steve took the plate of spaghetti and brought it close to her face. He took a roll of spaghetti on a fork and brought it close to her mouth.

"Aaaahhh," he said opening his mouth, gesturing her to do so too.

"I'm not a baby, Steve. I can eat by myself," she said and tried to take the plate from Steve who resisted her.

"But, you're my baby," Steve said.

"Steve, you're such a sap," Natasha laughed at his gesture.

"I blame you. Now aaaahh," he said once more. This time, Natasha followed his instructions and let him spoon feed him.

---
Ever since then, she knows where to seek comfort every time she's in distress. But, speaking from experience, she rarely is in distress.

At least she knows who to ask to spoon feed her if she's lazy. But then again, she rarely is lazy.

---

Dedicated to Cheesykey , I hope you liked this! 💕
Helloo
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I'm sorry I haven't been posting lately, I've been busy :(

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