PERCIVAL pov This is the first time anyone has ever been afraid of me. I've been here helping lost souls find their way for almost a decade now. Yet, through all those years, I have never had someone look at me like they were afraid. I was expecting Jocelyn here, so I was not shocked at her arrival. Her attitude however, was a huge surprise, I wasn't expecting her to be so...damaged.
Usually when people come to Hatikva, they come knowing what they are here for, to find hope. But when I looked in Jocelyn’s eyes, I didn't see any recognition that there was even such a thing as hope. Hatikva is meant to be a place where you can come to find good in the world and yourself. People come and go all the time without too much of an unusual problem. Sometimes it's a death in the family. Other times it's a really persistent bully. Usually the solution is as simple as a hug, or a stern talking to, but Jocelyn… I don't know. She is not only mentally hurting, but she is also physically hurt. It is almost as if she is beating herself up from the inside out. It seems as if she doesn’t want to help herself, and she definitely doesn't want anyone else's help. I don't know how to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
I’m in the middle of thinking about how to win Jocelyn’s trust when she appears at the door of the great dining hall that we will be eating in tonight. I was told she was awake, but I didn’t think she would accept my dinner invitation! She is dressed in a most alluring dress. With three-quarter length sleeves, a low collar, and tight fitting neoprene, her blue evening gown had me mesmerized. She holds my gaze energetically for a time, until finally she turns her head and asks “what does a girl gotta do to get some grub around here?”
Again her attitude is surprising. So bold in fact, that I hesitate and stutter for a moment before telling her she can sit in the seat beside me. She does so rather reluctantly. She sits on the edge of her chair, as far away from me as she can manage. “So, what brings you to my humble abode?” Jocelyn looks at me like I'm a bit crazy. And at this point in my life, I'm not even going to try to say I'm not! Still it's a tad unnerving. She replies looking at me with complete and utter sass. “I didn't mean to come here. I don't even know where the hell here is. How about you tell me what this place is, and then we can figure out why I'm here.”
Okaayyy… I think to myself.
“Well, this is Hatikva. It's a place people come to find hope when they need some in their lives.” Jocelyn looked stunned and then angry. Then bursts out,“don't tell me what I need!” she pushed her chair back so hard it feel over. “you don't know me! You will never know me!” She streaks out of the hall before I can stop her. A second later three of my handmaidens come in bearing trays of food. Great, I think to myself, a perfectly good meal, and I can't even enjoy it properly.
“Please take a plate to Jocelyn.” I tell Ariel, a young handmaiden that I sent to retrieve Jocelyn for lunch. “And please tell her I will provide for her everything she asks.” I start to turn around, but I remember one important thing I didn’t tell Jocelyn before she rushed out, “Oh and Ariel, as gently as possible, tell her that I don't know how to get her home if she can't find hope here.” I watch Ariel retreat out the same door Jocelyn left out of, and let out a weary sigh. I never meant to upset her, I just looked in her eyes and saw a sadness so deep I felt it myself. I know people who have gone through things can be unstable, but this level of unstable is totally new to me. I whisper to the now empty dining room, “I will, do everything in my power to help you Jocelyn.”
