JOCELYN pov
I don’t really know why I snapped at him. I guess he kind of just caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting him to tell me I needed hope. It's kind of a sore subject for me. He doesn't understand what I've had to go through! Maybe I'll just go to bed now, and perhaps I'll talk to Percival in the morning.
As I drift off to sleep, a dream takes me back to when I was in 6th grade…
“Yes!” I just got a test back, “Angel I got an A!” She looks at my paper and smiles, “lucky I only got B.”
“Hey that's pretty good!” She smiles at me as the bell rings and she rushed to leave, yelling back at me as she goes, “see you at lunch Jocelyn!” I laugh at her for rushing, but I understand. Her class is all the way on the other side of the building, so let her go and start walking to my next class. On the way there I bump into Jake. He is so cute! He says he wants to hang out with me sometime! I am so excited, he is so nice! He walks with me to class, and we talk about the homework. He shows me his paper, and all the answers are wrong! I tell him, and he looks at me and smiles “maybe you could help me out?” he has such a kind smile, I give him my paper and he copies the answers. When we get to class he sits across the room from me. We don't talk again until lunch time. He comes to my table and sits down next to me, sandwiching me between Angel and himself. Angel gives me a knowing smile and excuses herself to go to the bathroom.Jake turns to me and asks, “so, who do have for science?” I stare at him thinking maybe he wants to meet me after class! “I have Mrs. Pilan.” he smiles bright “Awesome me too! Do you guys have to do the huge packet for homework?” I look over at him, he looks really interested! “Ugh yeah, it was tough I have to turn it in next period.” he looks at me in awe, “you actually finished it? Wow I could only get a little bit of it done in the one day we had to do it! You think I can see what you got for the last few pages?” I didn't want to say no, he might hate me if I tell him to do it himself, so I give him the packet. He kisses me on the cheek and copies it down. Fast forward to finals, and we have study packets from every class. I get them all done on time, but Jake says he needs my help. He tells people we are dating, and that makes me really happy so I keep giving him the answers. One day he sits next to me in math, the same day we have a really important test. He scoots his desk close to mine and whispers in my ear, “Hey you don't mind if I look at a few of your answers do you babe?” He looks at me with such carelessness, as if he knows he will get anything he wants from me. This time though I won't give him the answers, I had studied so hard for this, and it's not fair that he didn't. “Um actually Jake, I think you should do this yourself.” I scoot a little farther away from him so he can't see my paper. He looks at me in shock, and then the shock turns into anger. “Wow Jocelyn I thought you loved me, well if you're not going to help me like a good girlfriend would, then we're over!”
I realized then he never loved me to begin with he was just using me so he could get good grades. I had vowed to myself after what I now call “the Jake incident” that I would never let myself fall for another boy again.
My conscience drifts to a more pleasant memory now.
“Jocelyn, come look how I can swing!” my dad shouts from the swing set. We are at Laury park, just my mom dad, and 3 year old sister. I had just gone down the twisty slide with my little sister Ivy in my lap. Momma picks her up and throws her in the air when we reach the bottom, and I run to the swings with daddy. He sits on one swing and I sit on the one next to him. We build momentum and I kick with all my strength to go higher than him, but my legs are just not strong enough. I smile mischievously at him and jump off my swing. I was going too high though, to land on my feet, and I was swinging way too hard. A shrill screech bursts from my young lungs and I landed on my butt, in the sandbox. I sit for a moment to shocked to move. Daddy rushed over to me and I look up at him with a big smile on my face. “Did you see how far I went?! Did you see how high I went!? I was flying daddy!” momma came over to us with Ivy on her hip. She sets Ivy down in the sand,and pulls me up. “Omigosh Jocelyn are you okay sweetie?” she brushes sand off my backside as I look at her with my most serious face and said with not a hint of a joke, “I flew momma, I flew.” she looks at me, concern turning into a happy/sad kind of look that is reserved for grownups. “You certainly did Jocy.”
At 7 years old I was still so full of hope and wonder. I could fly with fairies and ride a unicorn all the way to heaven. Even at Such a young age, I loved to read. I still remember my favorite book. It was a huge book of Disney fairy tales, I read a story from that book every night. And when I finished the whole thing I would start over again. My favorite story though, was the little mermaid. Over and over I read “the Princess married the Prince and they lived happily ever after.” I dreamed I was Ariel. In my head I was forever a beautiful princess destined to fail, but in the end I would find my Prince Eric; we would sail across the ocean in search of an adventure. That only got me through the first years of my struggles. When I reached the age of eleven, things changed drastically.
