My Journey

Chapter 3 - Dating Abuse

1/29/17

Okay guys... I have some explaining to do. I don't know if you remember my intro, but I was talking about how I don't know what's wrong with me. Well I like to go more in detail about that.

This summer, I got out of a really hard relationship. I was with my boyfriend for over a year, and it was really hard to let go of him. As I mentioned before,  I was in the advance program at school and it was going to be hard seeing him. Cory started getting angry about that and we have been fighting a lot. He put his hands on me, once in a while, because he was afraid I will be with someone else and  leave him.

I wouldn't of course, but he didn't believe me. I mean, why would he believe me? What could I say to convince him that I will never leave him? Nothing. I couldn't say anything.

I loved Cory but things went to far. Anyways, I didn't want to leave him, but I had no choice. Literally. 

One day this summer, I was fooling around with Cory. I was giving him "a good show" on Skype and yeah... he took screenshots of it. His mom say the screenshots and she texted me. She wasn't mad at me of course, because she read the whole conversation. She also read the part about him hitting me... and well let's just say he had his phone taken away the whole summer.

I was so hurt. I used to text Cory 24/7, he was my best friend, my brother, my lover, everything. Now I can't even look at myself without feeling so disgusted. We used to do homework together, play games together, everything. I loved him.

Without him I feel useless. I feel dumb.

This school year was the first time I saw him since that innocent. I ran up to him in the hallway, and we kissed.

It was so beautiful and I was so happy. I loved him.

Loved not love.

I got a schedule change so I could have him in second period, the only period I was able to change.

He was so happy and we were in a happy relationship again.

Until he started hitting me again, fighting more because I couldn't text him a lot because I had so much school work. I couldn't take it anymore, so much hate, so much pain, so I left.

We had our whole future plan. Now it's all thrown away. Now I feel messed up, I forgot how to talk to people, I just try to focus on schoolwork because that's the only thing I really know how to do now.

Ever since I was single, some guys have asked me out, but I had to say no to all of them. I don't want to date anymore. It hurts.

I loved him, not love.