STRIPPED

Chapter four

"I want you to trust me that you'll be able to walk. O.K?"
"O.K. ", Marya told Sheila. How could she not trust her? Slowly she got out of bed and then placed her feet onto a pair of slippers provided by the hospital. It was the first time she stood in forty eight hours. She leaned onto sheila for support and her head felt a little heavy. Sheila held a towel for her and showed her to the open bathroom door.And why did she have to bathe-" because you are seeing the doctor today"Sheila answered.
"Oh, shit!It was today!", Marya remembered. She feared the outcome. She'd endured the hospital once,as a kid,when she had broken an arm. She remembered the injections, the pills,the pain. Ouch! She hated pain. Her head ached a little and she stopped for a moment. Sheila was there,patiently but gently nudging her on.
" You can do it",she reminded her again.
Sheila let her into the bathroom and gently closed the door,telling Marya to ring the bell whenever she needed assistance.
"Which bell?"asked Marya but Sheila had already left to fulfill other duties.
As she went away, she thought of how patients had died in the tub.But she knew Marya. Marya was strong.
Marya let the water run a little before she unbuttoned her gown letting it fall to the ground.She stepped into the tub. The feel of water on her skin refreshed her. She felt whole. She wanted to use shampoo but decided against it. She'd just like soak herself until she felt better. She held onto the sides of the tub and plunged deeper,her backside rubbing harshly against the basin. She stretched her legs and wriggled her toes. She felt perfect. She held onto the sides awhile before putting her arms into the water. She let her back go lower,her hair touching the water and she breathed in the steam. She closed her eyes and let the water heal her.
She had started pouring water on her belly,when she realised it;a big scar across her left breast. She winced in pain.It was a long scar running from the upper part of the breast near the chest to just above the nipple. She poured water over it and she felt her nipples sting. They were now blackened due to the pressure they were subjected to.
Marya felt weak,vulnerable, like she could do nothing to help her situation. There were other marks too,across her chest and right breast. Hugging herself tenderly,she cried. The tears flowed from her eyes to her cheeks going along the neck. One drop found its way to her scar making it sting. Yes it stung,the whole ordeal stung.
How was she ever going to be normal again? Go out normally? To convince herself that she does not need to worry that she will be stripped again? Would she ever accept men as part of the society? Her boyfriend? Her brother? Her agent? The photographers she worked with? Practically every person she knew was a man-big ego,great sexual appetite......
Then she thought she hated herself. She hated herself for being a woman. She wished she were a male. She hated herself for being beautiful; everyone stared at her whenever she went. Some men thought she was just some cheap model and would linger over her at parties hoping she would give in to their unspoken intentions. She'd just look at them straight in the eye. This would make them uncomfortable but she didn't care. She'd excuse herself to go join John,who was least bothered by the many men who pestered his girlfriend. Marya stuck to John like a letter to a stamp.
She regretted. Yes,regret. Instead of modelling she should have been a teacher. That is what she studied in campus. She should have been in some remote school holed up in small classrooms, teaching her lessons,living a routine. She should have been the little obedient wife, raising her kids year in year out,cooking,ironing and whatever else it is that mothers do.Yeah maybe she'd be better off than now ,thinking her life would measure up if she lived it the way she wanted. Not every one reasoned like her,she realised in a painful way.
She felt betrayed. She made comparison of her own life and that of her mother and brother. Theirs were quiet.
She thought of her mother's life. Most of which she spent suffering for children. Their no nonsense father, he was harsh and that made them not only fear him but hate him. When he came home drunk,he would embark on a hitting spree,not sparing anyone,for mistakes done and not done. And her mother just held on. She was s church woman,a believer. Marya realised how much her mother loved her in that moment.
Marya cried some more,her jumbled thoughts disturbing her. She was beginning to connect facts and conversations from her childhood and teenagehood upto her present age.
"Marya" someone opened the door. It was her mother. She came in and started crying- mother and daughter cried together. They were both victims of chauvinistic courses.
"I love you mom", she managed to say through her tears. And her mother just embraced her with her rather rough hands,used to working.
And though it was awkward, it happened. Mrs. Melly washed her daughter, scrubbing, shampooing,and running water on her body. She even helped her oil herself. Marys was embarrassed at that but her mom wouldn't care for that.
When Marya was done dressing she asked her mom how she had managed to be allowed to see her that early in the morning.
" Why don't you see your doctor first,and I shall explain it to you later?"
Marya was impatient but she had to do without the bit of information for then. In to the doctor's room.