Jaroth and the Dirty Half-Dozen

Jeroth and the Dirty Half-Dozen

    Thay look at me from the porch. Even the littlest wun scowls at me with the sun on his milk-fattened face. He tries too hard ta fit in at five months old. He wears his hairline high like mine. And he won't grow no more teeth till I'm suckered in ta thinkin' he's mine. He can see I ain't got all my teeth an he thinks that'll do it. He's a greedy little bugger, too. Bet he knowed all 'bout that money 'fore I did. Guess'n I should start with the oldest wun ferst, so we'll git back ta this here least critter later.

    Sayra an me, (Sayra, that's my wife. Wuz my wife.) we had Jeroth Junior ferst. He didn't come fer two days shy o' ten munths. We knowed all along he had a pointment ta join usb's, but he wuz real luctant. He's real smart, tho. I think it might ha'been all that time in the hoven. Kinda give 'im a head start with his smarts. I wanted to name 'im after somebody from my side o'the famly but Sayra sayed she already got the name picked out 'fore he come. Said she liked the name o' the milkman so much, she figured she'd name the kid after 'im. I didn't complain none tho, since he happen ta have the same name as me.

    Second come Miss Molly. She beat her brothers' time by two weeks. Still, that extree time in the hoven was like two years o' schoolin'. She come out talkin' an ain't shut up yit. She alterd her talk, tho. By the time she wuz done with third grade she'd taken up talkin' jest like her teacher. The teacher was, and still is, an Ainglish teacher. But this here Ainglish teacher don't just teach Ainglish, she IS Ainglish. Miss Molly calls it "British." By the fourth grade the outhouse was a "lew" and fried taters wuz "chips." The next summer Miss Molly wuz takin' 'er tea hot with her panky fanger stickin' out for a hummin' bird to light on't. Even with all 'er persnickeryness, I must say Miss Molly has been a mighty big hep with 'er younger charges. She fair run em here an thar most all the time.

    Then thare wuz the twins. Now, I member contributin' ta the size of the famly only five times. An I wouldna' figured that contubutin' twice in wun night woulda made the diffrence, but I learnd my lessun real quick. Nine months after my double contributin' we wuz double blest with twice as many, well, everthang. Wun wuz red as a Indiun so I named 'im Gandi. He's well built an has a knack fer knowin' how thangs work. Usually keeps to 'imself an can be downright spooky with how quiet he can be, but he do come in handy bout the place.

    His other half, Kota, got 'is name from Miss Molly who got it from 'er teacher. Apparently thar's this auld fort on the edge of the Indiun Grand Canyun called Gandikota. Course the teacher knows all bout it cause her daddy was put thare nearabouts by the King of British. Seems thay had to  be thar to keep them Indiuns from takin' the place back over. Guess'n that wuz 'fore thay wuz all sent ta live on them preserves. Anyways, after we heared what it sounded like when we had ta call them two boys at the same time, which wuz evertime we called em at'tall, well, we just sorta forgot what it wuz that we called that second wun fore that. Kota, he's a skinny little booger an real wiry. He's always knowin' whar 'is brothers an sisters is at an he ain't afraid to go after em neither,  no matter whar thay is at.

    I sayed "sisters" and that's whut I meant, cause after them twins come Baby Bebe. Named after a movie actrees  an b'cause when them twins tried to say "baby" it come out "bebe." Guess we kinda figured, "why not?" Baby Bebe don't look nuthin' like me neither. She's more of a cross tween'a chestnut foal and  glazed urn. Honest, without no shame at'tall, and just as bold as a bear with cubs, that's Baby Bebe. She wuz s'possed to stay the baby, too. But then the wun who shall remain Nameless sneaked in.

    Now we's back to that last little'un. Now I don't recall contibutin' to the size of the famly but six times. And that would seem bout right if'n two of them contributin's didn't happen on the same twin-conciev'n night. (I sure learn't a lessun that time, I tell ya!) But I ain't about ta put a name ta a kid that ain't belongin' ta me. That's why that thar tooth hiddin' bald headed baby on Miss Molly's lap shall remain "Nameless."