Sadie John Cooper. Her middle name was John after her uncle John who died in a tractor war. Tractor wars were super secret wars fought on tractors. However, that has nothing to do with the story I tell you.
Before we begin I must inform you, everything I tell you is true. Without a shadow of a doubt. Sadie John Cooper was seven years old and ate raw onions smothered in mustard. She loved the taste, but her parents did not. They hated her breath and her farts. She was a walking talking, smelly mess.
Her father could barely tuck her into bed anymore. And her mother didn't even want to be in the same car or room as her. Sadie started to lose self-esteem. (Who wouldn't) She had attempted to run away four times. But every time she boarded a bus, they kicked her off.
So one morning while exploring the area, she came across a circus. Finally! She ran to the ring leader.
"Excuse me, sir, may I work with you."
"Oh, child your breath! What do you eat?"|
"Onions and mustard." He pulled her aside.
"This could work, breathe!" As she breathed he held out a match. Fire spurted in all directions.
"Exactly what I thought. Kid, you're a wonder!" She smiled.
"Just, breathe with your mouth closed." He told her.
She boarded a cart and started to travel. It was a fulfilling life. People were both disgusted and in awe of her breath. She started to feel pretty good about herself.
But one day the President of the Corn Shucking fair came to watch. She breathed the fire. He looked at her and decided he wanted to marry her.
Now, the President of the Corn Shucking fair was a nine-year-old pageant king. He had slicked back blonde hair, a fake tan, white teeth, and charming blue eyes. But Sadie John was only seven and could not marry.
He became infuriated and demanded her to be lynched. Calling her a bigoted racist for not liking corn and only eating onions.
She agreed to marry him only if he bought her a bag of onions a day. He agreed to the terms and they lived a long happy life.
YOU ARE READING
Weird Kids- A collection of short stories
HumorStraight from the deranged mind of The Alien Author. Weird Kids is a collection of short horrifying stories all about kids. Involving demons, toilets, aliens and more. It's a dark and incredibly funny book.
