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One

It's the day after New Year's and I'm at a bar. It doesn't exactly seem like the right way to start a new year, especially since I already went out last night and it's a Monday. But given that I'm on winter break and don't have anything else better to do during the next two weeks, I give myself a pass. That and the fact that whenever I come back home, I can't seem to stay home.

Home.

What an interesting word that is. Its meaning changed for me in high school, and now that I'm halfway through my junior year in college, it's lost its meaning altogether. I don't know where home is anymore. I guess for now it's somewhere between here in Vermont and my dorm room back in New York. As unappealing as my dorm room is, I can't wait to go back.

"Claudia! We're doing another round!"

My friend Karen from high school is excited, trying to grab my attention away from the hockey game I'm watching on TV. She's the only reason I'm here. I haven't been the best at keeping in touch with my high school friends over the years, but luckily she's my connection to still having somewhat of a social life in this town.

I turn around to find another shot of tequila being poured in front of me. It's still weird for me to be able to drink legally at a bar. I officially turned twenty-one two months ago, but I still feel like I'm out of place and shouldn't be here. I take the shot with Karen and the rest of our group, following it with a bite of lime and washing it down with beer to diffuse the flavor. I go back to watching the hockey game. The Rangers are in the middle of a power play. It looks like they might score any second.

"Claudia, are you listening to me?"

"Huh?"

"Lucas Elwood just walked in with the Allen twins. Can you believe it?"

Immediately, my back stiffens.

Lucas? There's no way he's here.

I peek over my shoulder because I can't believe it. Sure enough, I see him standing at the other side of the bar.

Dammit, he's wearing a baseball cap too. Why does he always have to look so good in them?

Before I can stop gawking at him, he looks directly at me and ... did he just wink at me?

My cheeks heat up, and quickly, I turn my head.

Stop it, Claudia. You're not fourteen anymore.

I take a sip of my beer to cool down. Karen stares at me with her mouth open. "Did Lucas just—"

"No. He must've thought I was someone else."

"Really, Claudia? That's what you're going with?"

I shrug. There's no other way to explain it. I haven't seen him since we graduated from high school, and even then, the last time we spoke was in the eighth grade. My mind floods with memories of my younger self, and I cringe just thinking about it. There's absolutely no reason for him to be winking at me.

"I'll be back," I say, heading to the bathroom.

I take a deep breath once inside, trying to gather my thoughts. It's crazy that he still affects me like this. I'm suddenly transported back to my high school locker where we avoided each other, even though his locker was right next to mine. I tried to come up with the courage to say something to him, but all I got was a door slammed in my face.

Damn him.

A sharp pain fills my stomach and I grip the counter. I should just leave. Leave before my emotions get the best of me. I'll tell Karen I'm tired and go. It's what I should have done in the first place.