Love, Vick

Chapter 2

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Diary-

How are they still together, being the slut that she is?

I keep thinking back to last week and the school dance. I walk in and see his arm around her shoulders, his hand practically holding her boob.

I talked to my best friend Juliet the entire time until a slow song started playing and everyone started slow dancing with each other. Everybody but me.

But I'm fine, you know?

It doesn't hurt as much anymore because I know that I'm not beautiful.

Juliet knows I'm not beautiful.

Carter knows I'm not beautiful.

Everyone knows I'm not beautiful.

But it doesn't hurt, so whatever.

A lot of things don't hurt anymore. Like knowing that Juliet is my best friend because she is my only friend. Something else that I realized doesn't hurt anymore is the knife to my wrist.

Yes, I cut.

If you were me, you would too.

But it doesn't hurt.

So everything is okay.

-V.R.

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Dear Diary,

I lie a lot.

Carter smiled at Juliet as we were walking through the halls today. Then he saw me and his face was like ew and my face was like its all good.

And I said everything was ok before.

But it's not.

I was keeping it all in my head, but I have to remember to keep the anger somewhere else: my hands. When the anger is in my hands, it shoots out through the pencil, so be warned, everything's about to spill onto the paper in front of me.

We are all just fucking dominos. Does anyone understand that? The black dots on the white tile is our class. Evelyn's at a 12 while I'm stuck at a blank face.

And we all fall, some sort of toppling gradually, but me? I plummeted first.

And of course there's the fact that I fall for one, while they fall for another.

Unable to get back up.

And sometimes I just think, "what's the damn point anymore, Vick? Why are you trying so hard? This is reality."

But congrats, Reed, on staying alive another week. I'm sure everyone is thrilled.

Love,

Vicky

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- Carter's POV -

"Dear Vicky Reed,

I think you are beautiful. The most beautiful girl in the world. And I love you. Very much. So much, I'm scared to tell you. Did you know that I'm scared of a lot of things? Like Evelyn... in a way. Its miserable. I'm forced to like her. But I don't. I like you. I love you. I'm scared actually, to know that you know that I love you."

No. Vicky can't know that I love her, what was I thinking?

I crumpled the paper up and threw it in the trash.

Never mind. She probably hates me, anyways. Today in the halls she gave me this look of, I don't know, being bored. She's bored of me. Ya, I'm never going to tell her that I actually like her. She hates me. And she's way too incredible to actually notice a guy like me.

I guy who hates himself.

I hate myself...

Because I love her.

And I can't love her.

Because I'm not allowed.

Because of reasons too strong to say.

So what's the point of telling her?

I can't do anything about it.

So...

What's the point?

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Eeeeek! I hope you guys liked this update omg!!! Haha sorry for freakin but whooaaaah plot twist!

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