I know I shouldn't make emotions too intense on the fourth chapter but I don't listen to myself sorry, also, it's important to mention that Cody is going to be around for the next few chapters, just letting you know.
Right before I was about to publish, I forgot to mention that all of these chapters take place over the course of a few days, the way I wrote it made it seem like it was all in one, I apologize.
(Sapphire's POV)
Im walking to Spanish class. It's an honors class that Cody has somehow managed to squeeze himself into, we usually sit together. With every step I take towards the door, my heart seems to beat a little bit faster. I'm angry, but I'm not sure why. Sometimes people will look at our lunch table strangely, but never have I seen anyone as repulsed as her. She looked like she would be sick, but a few minutes after she looks at me like I'm some sort of monster she's looking at my breasts. Why would she even think that was appropriate in the first place? My fists are balled at my sides, I try to even out my thinking with the sounds of my heels clicking the floor. It doesn't work.
When I walk into class, Cody is getting seated. The desks are made for two people, which is perfect for us. I go and slide over to him. My mood has changed drastically in the past two hours. I'm not sure why, but I want to be romantic, not out of love, but out of frustration. It's a strange sensation I've never felt before. Our teacher hasn't walked in yet. I wrap my leg around his and I rest my head on his shoulder. His eyes are wide as he looks down at me. He's always been the one to make the first move. Even the people surrounding us in the classroom looked surprised, I don't usually act out in this sort of manner. He's definitely not against it though. I pull my face upwards, kiss him on the cheek, then I pull down again. Our teacher walks in and I straighten myself up, but our hands remain linked underneath the table.
I can hear the words she's saying but my mind won't comprehend them, strangely, I'm not thinking of anything either. My mind is like smog, it's grey, blurred and overall upsetting, but I'm at a place where I'm not able to put a pinpoint on any of my emotions, and I feel as if I'll be in this state for a long time. The class ends as quickly as it seemed to start. As I'm packing my bag, he grabs my hand and pulls me out the door. My bag is barely on my back as we run through the halls. I see Ruby, she gives me a quick rude glance and then looks away. I'm not sure what I ever did to her in the first place besides help her, but if she wants be angry at someone she's hardly even met, she can feel free too.
Cody and I are outside now, he hasn't said where he's taking me, but at this point, I'm willing to go to wherever that place is. We get to an older gym area of our school and he points to a very large, old set of bleachers, also known as "The place horny teenagers go in to make out." I know I should tell him no, that I'm not feeling it and that I should go home. It's very wrong to make impulsive decisions based upon anger, but I don't listen to myself. I begin to lead him now, our hands are intertwined. We walk under the bleachers, and both of our bags hit the ground with a consecutive thud. He walks up against the wall and I walk towards him. Our lips touch. This is wrong, or is it? I'm losing myself into him I can't tell who's on top of who anymore. Our clothes aren't off and they won't be, but it feels as if they are. The kisses are intense now, his hands are all the way up my shirt. My mind is mostly blank except for a few random thoughts that enter. I realize we'll miss the bus, but I remember he can drive. I think my mother will be angry at me for getting home late, but she doesn't really care what time I get home anymore, as long as I'm keeping myself together. So I let go. I let go of everything I shouldn't be letting go of and I hold to the things I wish to get rid of. My inner anger is at a battle with my lust, but the lust wins.
I'm not sure how long it lasted or when it ended, it never really seemed to. He's looking right at me, his hand is approaching my hair and I know what he's trying to do. I quickly grab his hand and link it with mine, he's so into his other actions that he hardly notices. We're beginning to pull away from each other. I see the red marks that are beginning to swell where his lips have buried themselves into my chest. Lipgloss and bruises frame his face. I think it's over, but I'm not sure if I want it to be. We walk and grab our bags. We're defiantly too late to catch the bus now.
"Do you need a ride home?" He sounds out of breath.
I nod my head.
We're climbing into his car. It's some sort of expensive sports car that I'm sure his parents paid for, the inside of it is damaged and reeks of smoke and old beer. I begin to realize what I've just done. I've never kissed him like this before, and I thought when we finally would, he would be leading it, but I was. I feel sick, but why? I buckle in and we make our way down the road. He pulls a cigarette out of his pocket and lights it. He takes a few puffs and looks at me and tilts the package in my direction. I've never smoked before, but at this point, my mind tells me I have nothing else to lose. I nod and take one along with the lighter. I pop it into my mouth and inhale deeply, which is a mistake. The smoke enters my throat before I'm ready, I pull the cigarette away from my body and cough a few times. He glances at me, a confused expression rests upon his face. I try to take another puff but it's just as bad as the first, I look at him, shake my head, and then I hand it back, he rolls down the window and tosses it.
We pull up to my front door and I step out of his car. He gives me a small wave goodbye and I return it. I make my way towards the entrance. I've never felt like this in my life. Everything is wrong, but what is everything? I feel disgusting, but no matter how many times I may attempt to cleanse myself, I know this feeling won't go away. As soon as I step inside, I find myself running towards the bathroom door. My bag slams onto the floor, I sit on the ground next to it. I'm going to be sick, I really am. Tears begin to fall down my face but I'm not sure why, this isn't me. I've created a mental puzzle, but no matter how hard I try, the pieces will never align.
