The Road to Recovery (Drarry)

~*~Chapter Four~*~

 The hot tea and coziness of the room helped calm Draco's nerves. It was around two in the morning when Draco went to see Doctor Saturn. 

"Doctor," Draco said breaking the silence, and Saturn looked up from his book

"Yes, Draco?" 

"Yesterday when I left, I was turning around to come ask you something, but I got... sidetracked, and just remembered what it was. Couldn't you just take all of our memories of the war? Wouldn't that help cure us?"

"Memories are very valuable things, Draco, no matter how pleasant they may or may not be.We cannot just take them away when asked, especially not as Professors. I also very much doubt that the parents would agree.  On the other hand, imagine if we did.  How confused would you be if you were to wake up right here, right now, with no idea of who I was or how you got here, or why Dumbledore isn't Headmaster, but McGonagall is, and what happened to all the other students who did not survive, or what happened to Voldemort?"

"I wouldn't care, I would be able to sleep again," Draco snapped lying through his teeth.

"But you wouldn't remember not being able to sleep, so I do believe you would care.  It would be as if you were forever under a confundus charm."

"What if I was to just obliviate myself?" Draco asked pointlessly

Dr. Saturn sighed and Draco ran his hands down his face, exhausted but refusing to sleep.  "Draco, do you mind me asking what it was that distracted you yesterday?"

"I..." Draco never really felt the need to keep up his 'tough Slytherin, Malfoy' act when around Doctor Saturn, and knew that he could spill anything, and that he wouldn't share a word, but he was still nervous about opening up.  "Potter was having a sort of a melt down and I helped him calm back down."

"Do you know why you did this?" He knew of the tension between the two boys.

"Not really, I just did it.  He asked me, well, I don't even know if he realized it was me at that point, but he did and so I helped.  He looked so helpless, and I..."

"Felt like it was your fault?" He offered and Draco nodded.

"The war, it was all my fault.  I was the one who let all the other Death Eaters into Hogwarts, and if it wasn't for me, they wouldn't have killed so many people and cause so many others such deep pain, because of me-"

"Draco, I've already told you," Dr. Saturn said in a soft yet firm voice.  "That is your PTSD speaking, trying to make you believe that everything that happened during the trauma-inducing event was your fault, and I do believe you did these things, but you are not the one-not the only one, at least- to blame."

Draco bit back the retort on the tip of his tongue and nodded, knowing it was useless to fight.  Also he has becoming too tired to give a damn.  As exhaustion won and his eyelids began to grow heavy, images of Harry using Draco's voice as a means to calm down and come back to reality swam around in his subconscious before the nightmares took over.

~*~*~*~

Monday breakfast was spent by Harry by slowly eating his food and staring across the Great Hall at Draco, when he could, who was still sat at the Slytherin table.  He still couldn't understand why he had helped him, and more importantly why no Slytherins had ridiculed him about what happened between them yet.  Had Draco really changed that much? He doubted it.  More surprising still was the soft tone that Draco had used when talking to him.  It was something Harry didn't think capable for Draco; compassion.  Then he started to wonder how the war had affected him.  Is he not able to sleep either?  Has he has any panic attacks, and is that how he knew what to do to help Harry calm back down? Have memories started to merge together and fade for him like they had been for Harry?  He didn't know why he was so concerned about him, but he was and he couldn't help it.

Draco knew Harry was looking at him, but he couldn't bring himself to look back.  He was too afraid of what he might see in those emerald eyes?  Would be he blaming Draco as much as he was himself? He didn't want to know.  What he wanted was for life to be normal again, but even as he thought that he knew it was useless.  There was no normal, and there wasn't going to be going back to normal, not for him.  He had no idea just how right he was.

~*~*~*~

"Malfoy," Harry called after Draco in the halls between classes

"The hell do you want, Potter?" He asked, turning to him with a raised brow.

"Don't get your pants in a knot, I just want to talk"

"I don't," he said sharply.

"And what, do you really think I'd be here with you if it wasn't a necessity? I just have one question"

Draco thought he knew where this was going and he didn't like it.  "Spit it out, Potter, you're wasting my time"

"Alright then, why did you help me?"

"Why I do what I do doesn't concern you, now please-"

"In this case it does.  Noe you're wasting both of our times, just answer the damn question, Malfoy"

"I don't-" Draco groaned and Harry waited silently.  "I don't know, I just did, alright? You looked vulnerable and it caught me off guard, and I felt guilty for causing it, so I helped you.  Now, can I go, or would you like to know why I chose the color of pants I chose to where today as well?" He turned around and started to walk when Harry said,

"One more thing.  Your hair, it clashes with your scarf," And as Harry turned and walked away, Draco thought he saw the smallest of grins on Harry's lips.  He felt an odd sensation in his stomach as he turned and started to make his way toward History of Magic.