Letters To My Mate

Chapter Nine

NINE

'Lots of Love,

Your Ethan x' I read out loud.

The butterflies were going mad within my stomach; why would he say 'your Ethan'? Did he mean to write that? I shook my head, he didn't love me as much as I loved- wait, I never said that I loved him. I don't love him. I don't even know what love is anymore. I sighed, why did he have to write that? It warmed my heart in every way but it also confused me so much. He doesn't know me.

I pushed away all my doubts and smiled. He could make me smile even if I have the worst day; he was my anchor. He could brighten up my day, keep me grounded and stop me doing something stupid. He was my everything.

I thought about my reply and found a working pen; my reply was as follows,

'Dear Ethan,

I am glad to hear that you are safe. Every week I go to my mailbox and panic in case there is no letter there. It's sometimes late and you have no idea how I feel every time it is; what if something happens to you? I don't know what I would do. Over the past few months that we have been writing, I have developed a strong liking towards you. You should count yourself lucky! I push everyone away so that's why I have few friends.

I'd like to thank you for being a good friend to me. I hope that we can one day meet – once you have finished your service in Afghanistan, of course. I realise that that may be a while away but I am willing to wait for you.

I met someone else a few days ago; his name is Seb. It's short for Sebastian but he gets annoyed when I call him by his full name. He's really nice, you would like him too. He's very attractive but he isn't one of the 'popular' group as he turned them down when he joined this school; he says "they're too fake. I prefer my friends to be completely real and trustworthy." I respect him a lot; he reminds me of you sometimes too.

I have just remembered; you have not sent me a photograph as you promised. Was I right in the fact that you look like the Grinch? Is that why you won't send me one? ;) I sent you one of me, did you get it? You haven't mentioned it so you're either ignoring it because I'm hideous or it just slipped out of the envelope.

I must go, I'm writing this in my free period at school and I don't have a lot of time left until the bell rings. I'll speak to you in a week,

Please stay safe <3

Love Rach xxx'

I hate only being able to speak to him through letters; I would never get to see him in person and this thought always caused an ache in my heart. I heard the bell signal followed by a rush of students exiting the library. Before following behind, I sealed the envelope and tucked it safely into my backpack.

School seemed to drag on today so I was happy to finally get out and be able to go home. I got my things from my locker and waved goodbye to Seb and Freya, who were talking to each other a few lockers away, and then started the long walk home.

**

'Dear Beautiful,

I did indeed get your picture; I keep it with me everywhere I go. I consider it a good luck charm which may seem crazy but without it, I feel as if I would have passed on already. Stop shaking your head at me – I know that you are right now. I was holding your picture and at the very moment that I brushed my lips against the message on the back for good luck, a bomb went off near to where I was standing; two soldiers died in that single explosion but I came out only with ringing ears. So I have you to thank, Angel.

It will be a long wait until I can finally meet you in person but I too am looking forward to it – the thought alone will get me through every day. After I received your picture, I was very confused as to why you seem so insecure and shy over our letters; you are beautiful. B e a u t i f u l. I know that you are not going to believe me now but please, try to for me.

I hope that you are being careful around this Seb kid. I don't like the sound of him but I am willing to give him a chance - ONE chance – just for you, my love. Logan keeps asking about Freya; maybe you could ask her to write letters to him just like we are? I know deep down that they will get along very well; maybe we could set them up? ;)

I know that this letter is short but I do not have much time to write this as we're moving camps in under an hour and I have yet to pack up my few belongings. I hope that the picture in the envelope will make up for this short letter ;)

Love always,

Ethan xxxx'

I carefully folded up Ethan's letter with a huge grin on my face and placed it in a box along with all of our previous letters. A small Polaroid picture fell from my lap as I stood up; it landed face down on the floor. On the back of the picture was the words "dear my love" neatly scribbled in black ink. My heart was beating fast – did I want to know what he looked like? The moment when I see his face I know that all of this will become real. I will be talking to this boy – this man – who showed an interest in me for a reason that I cannot fathom. He will no longer be a part of my imagination, a shadow in my dreams. I will finally know what he looks like.

I shook my head; why is it so important? Looks don't matter at all, in my opinion. But I couldn't help but feel like this small picture would change my life.

Turning the picture over, I let out a long breath that I didn't know I was holding. Ethan. He had messy brown hair and the brightest blue eyes that I had ever seen; eyes that I could get lost in for hours. I tried to compare him to someone else; a celebrity or someone in my school. But I couldn't. He was the definition of perfect and I could see no flaws. As I got lost, gazing into the eyes of the picture, I realised one thing.

I'm in love with this man.

* * * *

So, there we go:) She finally knows what Ethan looks like. In my writing, I prefer not to describe people in too much detail as I know that you probably all have an image of Ethan in your mind and I don't want to ruin that by changing his look to the complete opposite. If you want me to describe him in a lot of detail then leave a comment and I guess I can come back and edit this chapter:)

Next update may be in a few weeks- I have mock exams in the coming weeks and I'm really trying to focus but I shall try my hardest to continue with LTMM whenever I have time:) thanks for reading!