The only one I loved

Why?

I saw her on the ground and wondered how she could ever let this happen to herself . How could she not ask for help when she needed it . It's all my fault . I caused her pain. She didn't deserve to end like this. Please wake up... please...

I heard him say that this was his fault . I could hear everything going on. I could feel his hand touch mine as he sobbed ... I didn't know why he cared so much. All I was doing was killing myself to end everyone's pain and suffering with having to deal with me. He never deserved to have to deal with me and I never was good to him. I always expected more from him . I wanted more . I am selfish. I know nothing better then to try to get everything I want out of other people. I'm selfish and stupid. He's crying because he thinks it's his fault ... but there is nothing I can do . I am just here. I can't do anything but sit here . I can't move or see or talk.

The ambulance came around just in time ... her heart rate was slowing down to a point of no return. The EMT screamed something at me... something like "she overdosed ... how could you let this happen ... it's heroin... help me get the Narcan in her system!" I just stood there.. heroin?
How did she get ahold of that?
All I could do was wonder ...

It was black ... my heart stopped . I could feel it... I heard sirens... it's the last thing I can remember... I am gone aren't I?