Take off your hat, I want to stand up.

Chapter 30: Spud on the Radio.

Chapter 30: Spud on the Radio.

Spud had a cure.

My friend, Spud, as well as being my mother's winter lover, was a unique kind of guy. Ev and he were not dating they had decided to be friends. He was interesting, without trying to be. He was a man that assumed no airs of high nature or disguise. He erred on the side of the common man and happy to be counted as a regular Joe. We all loved him.

At the fair he would hawk hot dogs on a stick, peanuts, popcorn, fresh fried tomatoes, curly fries and corn. While at the pro football games he would run up the aisle, sweat hanging forever from his chin. His mouth mimicking the words in a stadium that had grown hard of hearing in the din of the action on the field. He was a carny man through and through. He sang get your popcorn here, popcorn, fresh, hot, popcorn. He called out his mantra a thousand times in a sing song say of memorized repetition. His eyes would dart in and out, left and right, high and low, seeking out the fan that gestured. When he spied a customer he would grin, what will it be and how many? He would always ask for the order, one for the kid's as well, he would question.

Why did he go door to door, aisle to aisle, step to step, selling his wares? He was a salesman's, salesman, he could get the message out there and bring home the bacon. At the end of the day it was his business and he knew how to sell his goods. He was relentless, wind, rain, sun, low crowd or a packed house he would service his accounts with extreme enthusiasm. He was the Joe Gerrard of the North. He became relentlessly successful.

At one point in my business travels I found myself in the car heading to North Battleford to make a few days of cold sales calls. I was Wallies road salesman.

Ask any salesperson, tradesman, marketing representative, or community person what they do in a day? They will explain they travel from point A to point B, do the business of the day and return from whence they started. If I was in the business of hiring a person to represent my effects. I would ask them how well they enjoy driving in the car for five to six hours per day, five to six days per week, twelve months of the year. You do? You are hired.

The road wound around another bend, snaked left then right, over the top of a bluff and down into a clear aired winter morning valley. Spud's voice came on the radio station. My ears picked up the drift of what he was saying. I was amused at his recollection. The topic was, headlice. It appeared to be a question and answer dialogue with the radio host and their expert. Spud called in on the open line segment.

His raspy voice rose and fell in a gravel pitched tone, something like a rock clunking down an old well. He said, when we were young, we had no money, no conveniences like running water, or an indoor toilet. We had a biffey out back and a pale in the winter to do your particulars. His mom had a raft of kids, mostly her own, but some boarded. His mom had a kind heart and she let in people with no where else to go. They all crowded around each other for warmth and association from time to time. When an infestation like live in lice came to calling, his mother had a ready made, tried and true home remedy.

He warmed to the audience when he related his backwater upbringing and the sure fired way to rid your home of head lice. He went on to say, in the event of lice here is what you do. He addressed the topic and solution in a matter of fact appearance, as if it were obvious to all concerned.

First he said, you get an axe. A double bladed axe is preferred, wipe it down for wood slivers, wrap the metal head five or six times with good quality newspaper. Wrap it nice and tight. Next take the axe head with the newspaper covering and lay it in a fire. Turn the head over a few times or the handle will catch fire and you could be out a good axe handle in no time. Turn it two or three times, that would be fine. Next, hold the axe head up and let the fire die down on the paper. One more important point, light the whole mess outside or the house will fill with thick black smoke in about as much time as it takes for you to realize you made a mistake. If that happened, then you will be washing down the walls and shining up the mirrors just to bring her back to plumb normal. He was pretty firm on this point, like it had happened to him before.

Now the axe head will have a nice thick residue of black, thick tar resting on the blades. Bring out the lard can from the cupboard. Smear a good size gob on the flat surface and work it in good. Next, you are going to need a rag. Soak the rag in turpentine, not wet, just on the hairy edge of carrying a drip. Next, rub the rag over the lard, mix it real good. Finally, pick up the black tar and work it in until it feels about right. It should be smooth like butter and not sticky like jam.

It would not be in my nature to allow the children to see this process, he said. Call them over when it is good and ready, otherwise some of them would bolt for the door. Shave the hair off the youngest one first as an example to the older dears. You can use any firm method you choose. Once the youngsters head is shorn down to a stubble, wrap the rag with its magic potion aound the head. Leave the rag squarely in place for two days, three days at the most.

When the rag is at the end of its useful purpose, pull it off their head. Immediately you need to toss the rag into the fire to kill any remaining nits. Wash their head and neck with a good lye soap and presto the problem is licked for sure. No more lice.

I drove on in silence. This is one remarkable remedy. It probably would work if it did not kill the child first. Spud, what kind of childhood upbringing did you have my good son? Your momma must have been a heaven sent angel to range ride over that herd.

We became friends during his courtship of my mom, I respected his person as well as his get it done attitude, he was a self-made man in every sense of the word. To this day I can visualize his head lice cure,

I would not recommend it to anyone, but it may just very well work. The problem would definitely be trying to get children to wear a rag scarf soaked in lard and turpentine on their shaved head for two or three days.

Spud, fully expected the people out in the listening audience to take this method to heart. If they wanted to gain control of head lice use his method, it works. That was Spud. A plain, true and simple man of the people, he saw himself as one of us.