Blue Eyed Warfare

Under the Surface

Once that older guy couldn't see me anymore, I let myself walk slightly bent over with a piece of an old fence to serve as a walking stick. I looked like an old woman. A bit like my grandma. Wait a second, I had a Grandma? I must have had a grandma – surely? A memory seemed to be returning to me, but when I tried to grasp it – it disappeared. I nearly yelled out in frustration. I wish I could remember the things I've forgotten. I really do, I feel so lost – like an empty shell...

Finding food happened to be a larger problem than I thought, especially since my head was swimming I found it difficult to think logically. I wasn't even particularly hungry but I knew I needed some food since it had been a long while since I ate last. So, I decided to have a rummage around some of the junk. After half an hour of rummaging, I still found nothing. I still felt cold even though my clothes had mostly dried out and it seemed to be a warm environment. I could feel myself getting weaker. I had to find nourishment fast.

I saw a building which looked like an old shop about half a kilometre away. There were large mounds of scraps between us though, and in my weakened state it looked difficult to climb but I knew I could manage it. There were numerous times where I thought I was going to fall, but I managed to save myself, and after another hour, I managed to get there.

There was no electricity within the shop, which wasn't surprising. The floor was coated in dust and mud like it hadn't been cleaned in years and the place smelt foul.

A high-pitched squeak made me jump out of my skin, but when I looked behind me, I realised it was only a rat. It looked extremely scrawny and its red eyes were dull, but when it looked at me they turned bright. It crawled without any fear towards me and jumped, then sunk its teeth into my hand. I yelled in pain, and tried to shake it off me. But it only bit harder. Jeez, when did rats become blood sucking vermin!? I grabbed it by its body and banged its head against a wall. I don't think I killed it, but it was clearly knocked out at the least. A trickle of blood came from its jaws. It was my blood. I ripped a bit of the hospital gown off and wrapped it around my hand, the rat had actually bitten quite deeply, I was losing quite a lot blood considering the actual wound size. But it wasn't too painful, so I considered it was fine.

I looked around me and saw no food anywhere. I guess it was rat for lunch – but the idea repulsed me and who knows what diseases the rat could've had? It was far too risky, although when cooking the rat, the bacteria would be killed as well. So, just in case I couldn't find anything else, I took it with me. I searched for another hour, but still found nothing apart from an empty bottle filled with last night's rain, which would be useful as people die from thirst before dying of hunger.

I finally returned to the bench but the older guy wasn't there waiting for me. I remembered his smile and soft words, "come back soon," – so why wasn't he there? Did he really decide he didn't need me anymore? The old rug and t-shirt was left on the bench, since they were both dry now, I decided to put the old t-shirt on and wrap the rug around me. Why would he leave me...? Well, who cares anyway?

I needed to make a small fire later to keep myself warm and cook food, but now, I couldn't be bothered and I felt so exhausted and cold. I hadn't touched the water because the idea of swallowing anything made me feel sick. My head felt so sore, my eyes scratchy and my hand throbbed. The older guy had abandoned me, I was completely alone. I almost cried and I bet I would have if I wasn't so dehydrated. The only refuge from all of this was sleep, but I found it difficult to sleep again. I was afraid, so afraid to find myself in that warehouse again with all those other sleeping people. To be alone again...

Throughout my unconsciousness, I would often be in stages close to awakening where I could feel and hear things. I had the sensation of being carried by strong arms and sound of a warm voice like the sun nearby talking to another voice, one I hadn't heard before...