Handsome (V-Hope) {COMPLETED}

I'm a fool for you

[Taehyung has a journal that he likes to write in.]

'February 1st, 2017.
Yesterday was a mess. Nothing felt right. Hobi suddenly started acting weird and it made me uncomfortable. I like him, of course, but when he just starts acting like that... Messes me up. He kept touching me, not inappropriately because he'd never do that (unfortunately). But he kept touching my face and ARGH. Let me start from the beginning.

Hobi suddenly asked me if I wanted to watch a movie, just the two of us. Fine enough. Then he asked what kind of snacks and food I wanted, I was a bit surprised, but answered. The food arrived and we started to watch the movie and he immediately started to snack on the popcorn. And the popcorn must've been really tasty as well because he moaned as soon as he took the first bite. I must've really wanted a taste of that popcorn since he actually fed me some popcorn. Like he put it in my mouth.

Of course it was an it awkward, so I just looked back at the screen, and the screen's reflection was Hobi smirking as if he was pleased about something. Nonetheless my eyes were still plastered on the tv. The movie was really fun, that was until I was abruptly interrupted from watching it. How was I interrupted? Well, Hoseok suddenly said I had something on my cheek and that he'd get it for me. I, of course, didn't think too much about it until he was almost sitting on top of my lap, his face a few inches from mine, his thumb wiping a non existent popcorn kernel of my cheek. Let's just say that I got very excited and had to tell him to get off of me.' 

Taehyung sighed as he put the pen down beside his journal. It had been ages since he last wrote in it, and he felt like he couldn't tell Jin about this. Not only would it be weird, but it'd also be very awkward for him to just suddenly go "Hobi turned me on last night!"

"You make me feel things I've never felt before, Hobi..." he said to himself. Hoseok, Jin and Namjoon had left to go shopping, the other guys were probably in their room. It pleased Taehyung that the environment was quiet for once. They're always on tour, so getting a bit of time for himself is very precious.

"I don't know how I'd tell you. I probably never will. This secret will probably be buried with me." Taehyung chuckled to himself as he flopped down on the bed. He started humming to a song. 'Mianhae, sarang hae, yongseo hae.' 

~meanwhile at the supermarket~

"Jin, last night was a big, big failure. I managed to make it way too suspicious." Hoseok confessed, making sure not to drop too many hints as Namjoon was with them.

"What was a failure?" Namjoon curiously asked as he popped up from behind a rack of food.

"I hung out with someone." Hoseok answered casually, it wasn't a lie, right?

"Ah." Namjoon responded before disappearing again. It seemed like he had lost interest.

"Okay, what did you do?" Jin asked suddenly.

"I made it way too obvious, way too suspicious. I think he might know." Hoseok explained, worried that he had ruined something good.

"Just see how he acts today. If he acts like he always does then you haven't ruined anything. Don't worry, Hobi." Jin reassured as he picked up some of the stuff needed to make bibimbap.

The car ride back to the hotel was silent, they were blasting 'Bba Sae' and just jamming. They arrived back at the hotel and brought the groceries in.

"I'll be heading to my room now, I'll probably invite you guys later or something." Hoseok chuckled as he made his way to the elevator. As soon as he was in the elevator, a very sad mood filled the atmosphere.

'It isn't weird that nobody likes you! You're so weird and ugly. You're fat as well. Horse.' A voice inside Hoseok's brain told him. The voice had been harassing him for a while now, usually always appearing when he was alone and had no one to talk to.

"No. Stop it..." He tried to make the voices in his head disappear, but sadly it didn't work. 'Horse. Freak. Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Worthless. Idiot. Fool.' The voice continued, Hoseok could feel his breath becoming unsteady. He was feeling uneasy, the room was getting smaller. Trembling he slid down the wall of the elevator and put his head in his hands. "Stop... Stop... Stop..." Hoseok repeatedly said, his eyes closed as he rocked back and forth on the floor.

Taehyung started to wonder where Hoseok was. He should've been there five minutes ago. Taehyung knew that Hoseok struggled with himself mentally, and him being late was usually never a good sign.

Taehyung put on some slippers quickly and ran into the hallway, no sign of Hoseok. He checked the elevators on the left side of the floor, still no sign. Sighing, he started to run to the elevators on the right side. Just as he arrived, one of the elevators arrived and the doors opened.

"Hobi, get up." Taehyung demanded, getting no response from the boy on the floor. He didn't have time for this, so he sneaked his arm around Hoseok's waist and pulled him up, leading him back to their hotel room. It broke Taehyung's heart when he had to listen to Hoseok saying 'stop it' over and over.

"Hoseok? Answer me." Taehyung tried to communicate with Hoseok and snapped his fingers in front of him. Nothing worked. Then Taehyung figured out what he had to do. He wrapped both his arms around Hoseok and held him tightly. Hoseok's words were now only mumbles that could barely be heard. After a while, Hoseok had stopped completely. Taehyung didn't say a word, he just kept Hoseok in his arms. Taehyung knew that if Hoseok wanted to talk, he'd say something.

"You're okay now, Hobi." Taehyung reassured, grabbing Hoseok's sweater in an attempt to pull him even closer. Of course it didn't work as they were already as close as it could get, but he did it to make Hoseok feel safer. Minutes passed without a word from Hoseok, maybe he didn't know how to start talking?

"Are you okay?" Taehyung asked, concerned that the worst thing imaginable had happened.

"I am now..." Hoseok replied, still a bit shaky. "It happened again. I-I can't escape it..." he finally opened up. "I can't stop thinking about myself as anything but ugly and w-worthless. I-... I mess up everything. I'm fat, how do people even like me? I'm stupid, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I look like a horse, I'm worthless. I really am."

"Hobi." Taehyung said to get his attention. Hoseok looked up at him with red and watery eyes. It was time. Taehyung closed his eyes and leant forward.