Fangirl // Harry Styles

Chapter 13

ERG. This chapter is so short :/ I feel like a failure >_< Someone bomb my school so I don't have to go tomorrow & I can write all day instead xD Enjoy<3

(I'll try to make the next chapter longer to make up for this garbage xD)

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Chapter 13 – Harry’s P.O.V.

            A vacancy washed over me as Valerie squirmed out of my grasp. Pursing her lips together, she refused to make eye contact as she started swimming towards the little sliver of land for shore. I watched in utter confusion as the girl I was falling for lifted herself onto the land, but then my eyes caught something that nearly broke my heart.

            “Valerie,” I said softly, slowly walking over to her as she stood. Trying my best not to stare at her insanely gorgeous body, I kept my eyes on the thing bothering me. “Valerie, please look at me,” I said firmly as I propped myself on the ground.

            Valerie slowly turned around, her face twisted in pain as she looked down at her feet. I took her hands in mine, my thumbs running over the sealed slits on her wrist. Valerie’s eyes widened as she saw what I was staring at, but she continued to avert her gaze from meeting mine.

            “Why did you do this to yourself?” I whispered, my eyes traveling along each cut intently. They went all the way up to where her elbow creases. I guess I never noticed, since she’s always wearing a hoodie or something. Then again, she could cover them with that concealer stuff girls tend to obsess over.

            “I didn’t have a choice,” Valerie croaked out and I watched as water blurred her vision. She sucked in a sharp breath through her nose, biting on her lower lip to fight back the tears.

            “Valerie, please look at me,” I repeated, using my index finger to gently lift her chin. It all made sense now. Why she thanked me for saving her life. The poor girl has been hurting herself for God knows how long. But I can’t help but to feel that there’s more to the story. More she isn’t telling me. “You don’t have to do this to yourself.”

            Valerie shook her head, her watery eyes piercing into mine. “You wouldn’t understand,” she whispered, her voice cracking mid-sentence.

            “Then help me understand,” I pleaded, locking both our hands together and lacing our fingers.

            Valerie stared at me for what felt like forever, before she finally shook her head again. “I… I can’t,” she sputtered. “Please, just drop it.”

            “No,” I said sternly, pressing my forehead on hers. “Tell me why you hurt yourself, Valerie. I need to know.”

            Valerie let out a shaky breath as she closed her eyes, multiple tears pressing their way through and rolling down her cheeks. I was well aware that neither of us had much clothing on, but that didn’t mean a damn thing to me right now. The fact that I know Valerie does horrible things to herself, nearly snaps me in half. Is this why she won’t let me get to know her? Her cuts? Her past?

            “It takes the pain away,” Valerie whispered. “You see all those people out there… smiling and laughing, and you want a piece of that so desperately that you… you just black out for a few moments. You wish you can be normal for once and your life, but then you realize you’ll never be good enough for anything, for anyone. You’ll always be the ‘freak’—the odd one out. It just… it relieves me in this God awful way that even I don’t understand. Like I’m slicing away the horrendous thoughts in my mind, but if I don’t keep going, they just come right back.”

            Listening to Valerie talk and sob at the same time brought tears to my eyes. Here, I’ve known this girl for a few days now, but I feel like I’ve known her forever. Her laugh has become my addiction. Her smile is my drug. Her tears are my own that eat me whole and pinch me with guiltiness. I can’t help but want to cry with her. Still, I try not to as I sucked in a breath, bringing my hands up to cup her face.

            “Don’t say stuff like that,” I said quietly. “Don’t listen to people. You are good enough, Valerie. And if you’re not good enough for them, you’re good enough for me.”

            “You don’t want me, Harry,” Valerie sobbed quietly, shaking her head.

            “Bullshit,” I said firmly in a low voice, flicking away her tears with my thumbs. “If I didn’t want you, I wouldn’t be trying so hard to get you.”

            “I won’t be here for long,” Valerie whispered, her hands coming up to cover mine on her face.

            “What do you mean?” I asked sternly, my heart pounding in my chest at the thought of losing her.

            I don’t even have her yet.

            Valerie gave me a weak smile as she gently removed my hands from her face. More tears flowed down her cheeks as she croaked out in a low voice and strained voice, “Harry, I’m supposed to die soon.”