Hockey Wife

Chapter 15

There he was my beautiful husband hooked up to all sorts of machines. I try to stand,but my legs are far too weak. I try to crawl but even that is too hard. Why did this have to happen to me? What did we do wrong? Now the pain of practically losing my husband has set in and now I have to live with the pain. The pain oh it is indescribable. It it like having something you love killed and killed again, like having someone say execute on your parents or sister or brother again and again.  I can't take it ,but I have to. Then I think of the baby, my precious baby without a father. Just saying my husband's name will be hardship enough, and I am certainly not remarrying because Mike was my one. My one and only. My soul mate.

I can't do anything to help him either I am useless at this point, so I just lie there silently crying.  Elaine and Helen come in and see me there. I look up briefly and I see their eyes are red and their cheeks are raw and wet from tears. They manage to pick me up and bring me over to Mike.  I manage to stand and look at Mike. I cry some more. 

"Shirley it's going to be okay," Helen coos.

"Yeah everything will be alright," answers Elaine.  

They both stroke my hair like I was  a child. I take in their words hard almost cringing like eating something rotten. As I get a better look at my Mike with tubes and machines all hooked up to him the words seem to fall into my stomach because I knew it wasn't true. Even if he woke up and was all better he still couldn't play hockey. I again fell down in tears. At times like these I wish I was stronger, I wish I could just stand for once and not fall. Why couldn't I just stand and cry? 

I tell myself to get up and stand for once. I manage to and I wipe away my tears I knew then and there I had to be strong for both Mike and my baby. I stayed strong for the following weeks. I was there everyday for 21 days. On the 22nd day it was already a routine, get up, shower, eat, drive to the hospital, wait, eat lunch, wait some more, eat dinner, wait, and then finally go home at 10. As I sit there looking at Mike, hearing the beeps and the ventilator it almost brings me to tears. I shed one only one, and I know I can shed only one tear in order to stay strong. 

I look down at my belly which has gotten slightly bigger. Thinking of my child without a dad was simply unfathomable , but now it was becoming more of a reality. I am startled by Doctor Richards coming  in to do his hourly checkup. He checks his heart rate and blood pressure and the usual stuff.

"How is he?"

"The same."

"I guess that's good."

"Shirley, it is."

He smiles and leaves. I look over at Mike hoping that he will wake up. He dosen't like always he just lies there with his eyes closed. How could I be so stupid and naive that he would just suddenly wake up. I decide to leave I grab my things I've had enough just staying here brings me pain.  As I'm shutting the door. I hear a moan. I slowly open the door and see Mike with his eyes open. 

"Mike!"

"Shirley!" he says slurring.

"Mike!"

I rush towards him and kiss him.

"Baby, you're okay. Nurse, Doctor he''s woken up!"

 The nurses and Doctor Richards come in quickly.  They have smiles  on their faces once they see Mike. They quickly check Mike to see if he's breathing alright so they can take him of the ventilator. He is and then I give him a proper kiss.

"I thought I lost you," I whisper.

"Shirley how could you ever lose me, I would haunt you just to stay with you."

We both chuckle and kiss some more.

Within a few days he is ready to be taken home,but there was one thing we had to tell him.

"You can't play hockey anymore," says Doctor Richards.

"What? Why?"

"Your brain is a lot more shall we say vulnerable now one more hit and your dead."

"Explain it to me."

"Okay if you get hit one more time your brain will fill with blood and you will die within minutes on the ice."

That seemed to convince him. He was silent for a few minutes when I had to ask,

"Does that mean if he falls he'll die too."

"It has to be a serious fall and at the right place to. If he falls back wards yes but forwards no."

"What if he bumps his head."

"Well again it has to be a hard enough hit, but no."

When a few more minutes a silence goes by I thank Doctor Richards and take Mike home. The car ride is silent, but I don't try to break because i know he's going through a tough time. When we get home he just goes to our room he shuts the door. I begin to cook some lunch. When I'm finished cooking I go over to the coach and I sit there thinking about what has happened. 

Mike can't play hockey any more. Those words hit me hard too when I heard them. What is he going to do for a  living. His whole world is going to be crushed. Tears begin to form in my eyes again ,but they stop when I hear crying. It's coming from my room. I walk towards my door and open it. 

There's Mike sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands crying. I sit next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. He stops and looks at me.

"Everything will be okay Mike."

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

A couple weeks go by and they newspapers I heard went crazy with the news. We didn't read any of them though. Mike's coach offered him a job as assistant so he never had to be to far away from the sport he loved. He accepted. 

On the 25th of August we had not one but two babies. One girl and one boy. As I held them in my arms for the first time Mike and I looked at each other and we knew we were in for a crazy ride.